Baby Got Beet

Beet on Steroids?

With all due apologies and respect to Sir-Mix-A-Lot, "Oh my God Becky, look at her BEET. It is SO big!"

That is, indeed, one very big beet. And since it was grown personally by the wife that is Venus -- I do feel safe in saying "Baby Got Beet."

When Venus pulled this out of one of our raised beds a couple of nights ago and literally needed the services of a wheelbarrow to get this monster inside -- my original thought was the following: "she planted beet seeds far too close to one another and they sort of all glaumed (is that a word?) on together."

Not an invader from another world: Just a beet

Hey, if "glaumed" is good enough for the incomparable Henry Wadsworth Longfellow -- it's good enough for the blog that is Sacramento Vegetable Gardening. But, I digress.

This much is true: The wife does have a well documented green thumb. This much is also true: She doesn't pull basketball sized beets from the garden every other day of the week. Yes, we do get the occasional baseball sized radish. But that's kind of rare.

As is this monster of a beet.

Speaking of which -- what does one do with a beet the size of a basketball? Set up a hoop and net? Use it as a bowling ball? Welcome to the Bird House! Coffee? Tea? A gallon of Borscht?

Bigger than your ordinary water bottle

That was -- after all -- the second question to Venus. This is after I came home and nearly tripped over the thing. At that point came the second question, which went sort of like this in a calm and relaxed way: "HOLY COW!!! WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH THIS???"

I suddenly had visions of going on a diet consisting solely of beets. Not that beets are bad, mind you. Bill Bird loves beets in a salad or other setting with other vegetables. But Bill Bird does not bathe with beets. Bill Bird does not dream of bathing with beets.

Side note? Beets have been around for a very long time. The earliest recorded history has them popping up in Babylonia in the 8th Century BC. Although ancient Romans considered beets to be an aphrodisiac, that really isn't such a big deal since Romans considered just about everything to be an aphrodisiac.

Creature from the Black Magoon

So what does one do with a monster like this? One can't just cannot tear into a beet freshly harvested from a raised backyard bed. It's not like a peach that is freshly harvested from a backyard tree. These things need processing. More precisely, they need to be boiled for a good hour or three before they are tender enough to slice and serve as -- well -- beets.

Have you ever tried boiling a bowling ball? I haven't either. But I can tell you this much. It ain't all that easy. But the wife would not be deterred. If she grew a beet the size of Third World Country, she was going to make sure that ever last bit of said Third World Country didn't go to waste.

Monster Beet After Processing

Grabbing the largest pot in the pantry -- a pot normally reserved for processing other crops like tomatoes and turning them into pints of good things like sauce and salsa -- Venus dropped in the beet monster -- filled it with water and started the process of turning bowling ball into something consumable.

Darn if that lady didn't know what she was doing!

A myriad of thoughts ran through my mind during this process. Would said monster ever get soft enough to process? Would it have the fine taste of "wood grain" after processing? Beets don't often get this large, and these were safe questions to ask.

Hey! That Doesn't Look Half Bad!

But something rather amazing happened when Venus removed her prize beet from the Bird processing pot after three hours of boiling. It sliced open. Not only that -- it sliced open easily. Inside? A deep and pretty shade of mahogany revealed itself. There was no wood here. It sliced the way a beet should slice.

But how would it taste? I was still rather skeptical! Would this be a woody waste of time? Imagine my surprise at the first bite. A blast of sugary sweetness greeted Bill Bird's taste buds. This wasn't just any ordinary beet! It's the best beet that Bill Bird has ever tasted!

My mind immediately turned to the empty pint jars in the pantry. We have processed beets before -- on many occasions. There's nothing more enjoyable than tearing into a jar of sliced beets that you processed the summer before on a cold, dark winter eve. Home processed beets are not as sweet as the commercial counterparts sold in grocery stores. They are also far more tasty.

Sliced Beets for the Masses

But the wife had other plans. Process her prized beet? Away with you husband! One doesn't process a golden garden surprise like this. It is to be consumed over the process of several meals. Try as you might, the taste of fresh garden beets is hard to duplicate. As a matter of fact, I still have the taste of this special beet in my mouth, even though said beet is long gone at this point.

It's the kind of taste that makes you wish you had just a little bit more. Baby Got Beet? Sir-Mix-A-Lot would most definitely approve of this message.

Where Have I BEEN???

Whole Heirloom Tomatoes & Garlic Dill Pickles

That is one good question. Cause when three solid weeks pass without Bill Bird so much as touching the blog that is Sacramento Vegetable Gardening -- one goes through a withdrawl of sorts. Not that I haven't thought about it -- boy have I! But -- you see -- time is the problem.

As you can tell from the photo to the immediate right -- we've certainly found our time to put the summer backyard produce to good use. There are quarts and quarts of whole heirloom tomatoes for winter time use. Venus and I just finished up on our latest project this past weekend -- 19 pints of lip-smacking tomato sauce infused with fresh herbs like sage, thyme, basil, oregano, basil -- plus a Jalapeno pepper or two.

Heirloom Tomato Sauce Infused with Fresh Herbs

Oh -- and that doesn't include the 20-odd pints of fresh Roasted Garlic, Pepper and Heirloom Tomato Salsa. That's a Bird Family tradition!

But with two demanding jobs to hold down, five of the brattiest cats known to mankind -- plus a spoiled rotten dog (Ultimate Digging Machine) -- and four different homes to care for -- well -- that thing called "free time" is at a premium.

Speaking of which -- anyone interested in renting a fine home? Gardening boxes and not one -- but TWO loaded orange trees to boot -- included? Leave a note for me at the bottom of the blog. The fresh citrus comes with the house. Think of it as a "bonus."

Despite the demands upon our free time -- it hasn't stopped us from enjoying all of the Bird Back 40 bounty that summer has to offer. It hasn't stopped a couple of marauding mockingbirds either -- and now I fully understand why they call them "mockingbirds." The name is well deserved.

Fresh Fruit Harvest!

Let's be honest here, shall we? This has been one fine summer. I wish I'd been able to write it about it more often. From heirloom tomatoes on the vine, bell peppers by the boatload, two different types of eggplant, three varieties of squash, a nice selection of corn-on-the-cob and some surprising fresh fruit deliveries -- life has been good indeed.

One of the best harvests came just a few weeks ago -- and based upon what came ripe from our young fruit trees this year -- we'll be expecting a lot more of this in years to come. We've been building up the fruit tree and bush offerings in the Bird Back 40 in the hopes that it would produce a real backyard "fruit salad." And as you can tell -- we came close.

Table Grape Vines: Bird Back 40

This is the second year of production for the eight table grape vines that frame in the six main 4X8 foot raised beds in the backyard garden. Those aren't the only beds we have in the Bird Back 40 -- but it's clearly the main growing area. It's where you will find a multitude of heirloom tomato offerings -- Asian Baby Corn -- four or five different varieties of basil and we usually devote at least one bed to all things Bush Beans.

I knew from the outset that I was going to get some production off the eight table grape vines that the wife that is Venus and I planted during the 2010 bare root season. Little did I know -- however -- that the mockingbirds would savor the vast majority of the crop. Despite the addition of Scare Tape, a Scare Crow and netting -- nothing would stop two very determined birds from stealing the vast majority of the Bird table grape crop.

Mental note: I need to spend this winter building a better mousetrap!

Arctic Jay White Nectarines & O'Henry Peaches!

But I'll tell you something about mockingbirds. They are not the most perfect of thieves. In other words, they left a smattering of Fiesta, Muscat and Diamond grapes behind. Add a smattering of table grapes to the last of the white nectarines, some tree-ripened O'Henry Peaches and a selection of strawberries and you've got yourself something special.

It's a fruit salad from your own backyard!

And there's nothing quite like the zest and zing from tree or vine-ripened fruit that some straight from your own backyard. Sure -- you can purchase the same thing in your local supermarket or perhaps a Sacramento Certified Farmer's Market. But it's just not going to compare from the selection of truly ripe, sweet, soft and fruit selections from the backyard.

Fresh Fruit Salad Anyone?

About the only thing missing this year from the Bird Back 40? A fresh selection of watermelon and cantaloupe. It's the one crop -- the one and only crop I might add -- that failed to produce this year. Make a mental note of this children: Do not plant watermelon and cantaloupe seeds in the same area as pumpkin seeds. The end result is -- you get lots of pumpkins and little else.

But we'll write about pumpkins next month. Lord knows -- we have enough to supply the general neighborhood this year. I see a slice or two of pumpkin pie, pumpkin bread and all things pumpkin in my nearby and immediate future. Give the wife that is Venus a pumpkin and she'll turn it into something that will make your taste buds quiver with excitement.

Home-Grown Table Grapes

But for now? The grapes are still producing. The mockingbirds are long gone (thank goodness) and a nice crop of Red Flame grapes are just about ready. Like just about every fruit offering in the Bird Back 40 -- the harvest is a tad late this year.

But there is a nice harvest to come just the same.

The New Me

Custom Blog Templates by Madeline

It's the old me, actually. Same bad writing. Same bad advice. Some things never do change.

By now, you may have noticed some changes to the blog that is Sacramento Vegetable Gardening. Yep, Bill and Venus Bird have gone mainstream. They plumb went out and hired a graphic designer to clean up the clutter and make things look neat n' tidy. What's next? Ads promoting Viagra?

I suppose a little explanation is in order. Or, in my case, I blame it all on "Maddy."

"Maddy" is actually a fine and inventive young lady by the name of Madeline Miller. I can't remember exactly how I ran across her -- she may have left a comment on the blog at one point -- I'm not sure. But I was instantly impressed with her blog and her blog designs. Each one was fresh and unique. For me? They jumped right off the page and screamed TALENT!!!

I know about this because I have so precious little of it.

At any rate -- I had been thinking about some design changes to the blog but was also a little hesitant. Let me explain. I'm old. I didn't grow up with computers. The words "Bill Bird" and "computer savvy" would represent a classic oxymoron if used in the same sentence. One minor and wrong keystroke had me pulling out what precious little hair I had left.

I also have very little clue when it comes to basic colors. The wife that is Venus will attest to this. The woman won't let me near a washing machine because that's usually when disaster strikes. No matter how hard I try to do well, left on my own, I usually wind up wearing something that's a rather Christmassy shade of green and red.

Hey, it works for December. But July?

Madeline Miller

At any rate, I picked the wrong time to bother Madeline Miller. Big surprise there. I've been doing that for most of my 48 years on God's Green Earth. As it turns out -- Madeline was dealing with some other issues more important than my blog when I reached out to her. Her family was about to expand with a new addition.

"See you in six months and that's a promise," she wrote.

Fast forward nearly eleven months -- and voilà!!! The new template is now in place. There are some other changes that I've been dragging my feet on, and at the same time, testing Madeline's patience to absolutely no end.

"How about a listing for recipes," she asked. "Uh, sure" was my reply -- usually followed by a "how do I do that?"

"You would need to add labels," she would patiently reply. Which was usually followed by an, "oh, OK. What?"

In the end, I annoyed a resident of Roseville to absolutely no end -- and got a nice blog design out of the deal. Not a bad exchange in my opinion.

The pictures used in the new template are all from the Bird Back 40 -- promise. We didn't buy those melons -- nor the tomatoes -- nor did I steal anything.

This time...

My hope is -- that as time goes by and people visit -- they will see the outdoor adventure that is Northern California. Short and sweet -- it doesn't matter what you put in the ground out this way. We're blessed. We're blessed with some of the greatest soil -- some of the greatest weather -- the most wonderful of growing conditions.

California living at its finest.

If you're impressed by Madeline's work -- you can reach out to her here.

Just don't make the mistake of telling her that you know me.

Martha Stewart is....APPALLED!!!

Martha is APPALLED

I mean -- REALLY APPALLED. America's most trusted and loved guide to stylish living not only managed to survive an insider trading stock scandal -- some say she stormed back on the scene -- better than ever before.

But this is worse.

Sharing the gardening spotlight with yours truly (warning -- Shameless Self-Promotion Plug Dead Ahead)? Well -- that's different! And it just might knock her down a peg or two.

Not that I wish any ill will to the First Lady of Class -- mind you. I mean -- doesn't everyone dream of controlling their own multi-million dollar business empire? I certainly do -- but I can't even control my own five cats -- let alone an occassional "high finance" garage sale.

Author Jerry Turcotte

My friends -- the self-proclaimed "MacGruber of Gardening" has somehow caught the fancy of a contributing writer for the website Yahoo. And -- for some reason -- he's named Sacramento Vegetable Gardening as one of the Top Ten Gardening Blogs in the ENTIRE UNIVERSE.

Actually -- it's just his opinion. But I like that universe part -- so I did a little "creative editing."

Actually, I'm not sure why author Jerry Turcotte picked my blog out of thousands floating around in cyberspace. My personal thought is he's been hitting that plastic jug of Canada's favorite breakfast drink a wee bit too hard. But I won't go there -- cause Jerry's a lawyer -- and Bill Bird made a pledge to be nice to lawyers whenever possible.

Canadian Moose Piss

My thanks to Jerry for his recognition. And -- I didn't mean it Canada -- although that plastic jug is the brother-in-law's favorite breakfast drink. Come to think of it -- it's also his favorite lunch and dinner drink as well.

Actually -- I'm pleased. I'm honored. Never -- in a million years -- did I believe that anyone other than my mom would follow this blog. And that's quite a trick -- since mom passed from this earthly existence long ago.

I promise that things will not change. I will continue to irritate the wonderful wife that is Venus whenever and wherever possible. She is my source of inspiration. She is, simply, my Venus.

I would let this honor go to my head -- but when you have five cats -- somewhere a litterbox needs cleaning.

¡FRUTAS!

Fresh Fruit Samples from Dave Wilson Nursery

Mmmm....Yeah, like that...

When Bill Bird encounters a fruity scene from heaven like the one you see to your immediate right -- the first impulse that pops into his head is the overall urge to shove everyone out of line and announce (with a bullhorn no less): "This fruit has been impounded by the blog that is Sacramento Vegetable Gardening."

Thank goodness I ignore these types of urges -- as I most certainly would have incited a riot amount the HUNDREDS (dare I say thousands?) of fresh fruit and vegetable fans that showed up this past weekend for Harvest Day 2010 festivities at the Fair Oaks Community Garden.

This was the first time that Venus and I have attended said annual event. Dare I say that it probably will not be our last?

If fresh fruit is your game -- an endless game of checkers awaits. You're not going to find everything under the sun -- fruit wise -- at this event because -- not everything ripens at the same time. The world just doesn't work that way. My June Pride peaches are but an afterthought -- and the impending O'Henry Peach harvest is still another week or two off.

But there's enough getting ripe now on ye olde vine and fruit tree to satisfy just about anyone's palate. You want proof?

Dapple Dandy Pluot

How about this scrumptious offering of Dapple Dandy Pluots? The pluot -- a relatively new introduction from the fine folks at Dave Wilson Nursery -- is all the rage in backyard gardens right now. The perfect cross between a plum and an apricot -- breeders can't churn out enough varieties to meet actual demand. Question any nursery owner in the Sacramento area -- and they'll tell you that pluot trees are normally the first to get snatched up during bare root planting season.

As for Bill and Venus Bird? We have a Flavor Finale Pluot growing like gangbusters in the Back 40 that is our North Natomas backyard. Purchased from Bay Laurel Nursery during bare root season last winter -- we may be forced to order up another tree to serve as a pollinator.

I know -- unlucky us.

Flavor King Pluot

As much as I would have liked to sample what is currently growing in our backyard -- alas -- it's not quite Flavor Finale season yet. Pluots -- like plums and like apricots -- ripen up at different times of the year. If you're lucky enough to visit a fruit tasting festival in August or September? You just might be lucky enough to get a slice or two of pure fruit heaven.

No worries though -- despite the absence of the Flavor Finale. There was plenty of fruit to go around -- including the nectarine varities of Flavortop and Arctic Jay -- which are growing quite nicely in the Bird front yard as part of our experiment with the Backyard Orchard Culture concept. After one taste of each variety Venus and I both know that a bit of nectarine heaven awaits. Very soon -- one day -- our trees will provide enough bounty for not only our needs but the desires of an entire neighborhood.

There's nothing like fresh fruit season baby.

If you're in the market for planting a fruit tree (or ten) -- and you're just not sure what to plant or when -- this is one reason why you should attend a harvest tasting festival like this one. Instead of sampling just one or two different kinds of fruit from different trees -- you're sampling 30. Didn't like the taste of that particular pear? How about this one?

Harrow Delight Pear

That's how I discovered this Harrow Delight Pear. After just one taste -- I knew this one was a keeper. It is sugary sweet.  Indeed -- Venus and I have set aside space in the backyard for additional fruit trees after our failed experimentation with all things avocados (they'll grow in some areas -- and in others -- fergit it son).

No matter what corner you turned at this weekend's harvest festival -- there was something to either see or sample. Heirloom tomato season is decidely late this year (for some -- not for others) -- but there was still enough to go around for tomato afficiandos.

Black Monukka Table Grapes

The same applies to fresh-from-the-vine tablegrapes like this sampling of the Black Monukka -- which Venus and I planted as part of our grand "table grape experiment" in the Back 40 last spring. The vines aren't producing yet. They probably won't produce until the third year. But a tasting festival like this one gives you a chance to sample the bounty that will soon come.

So -- what was the best part of this year's harvest festival? If you like to look at and analyze trends like Venus and I do -- one had to be amazed and heartened by the young twenty-and-thirty-somethings that showed up -- children and dogs in tow. It's proof that the "grow your own" movement isn't slowing down -- indeed -- if anything -- it's still taking off.

That suits these gardeners just fine.

Dirt Moving Done Cheap!

That would be me -- Bill Bird -- the "dirt mover." And I am as cheap as they come since I only charge myself two bottled waters and a 12-pack of beer -- after the moving is done of course.

This old wheelbarrow has seen better days. It's done its share of "dirt moving" as well. I always order in amounts of five cubic yards or more -- which usually means a good five to six hours of "dirt moving" after the load has arrived (I don't move all that fast -- so sue me).

Venus and I needed the dirt for? What else? VEGETABLE GARDENING (see name of blog). It's getitng close to that season you know. After an extended spring of cold, wet and windy weather -- mother nature finally cooperated last weekend with a stretch of days where the weather wasn't half bad.

In short -- it was a good day for hauling loads of dirt.

The wheelbarrow in question? It has been with us since "the beginning." That's right -- it was a wedding present. As I indicated earlier -- it has seen "better days." No better than this in my opinion -- which is how Venus and I received it on our wedding night in Rocklin.

The gift-givers in this case -- NewsTalk 1530 KFKB reporters Marna Davis and Kami Lloyd (Polete) -- made sure to stock it with our favorite beers. I must admit -- it brought a tear to the eye of Bill Bird when I first saw it. I'm a sucker for these kinds of things.

But what would you rather have? A wheelbarrow full of dirt? A wheelbarrow full of rock?

I'll take the beer -- thank you. This is a no brainer.

But this is the last time our wedding gift looked this good. It helped landscape our postage stamp-sized backyard in our first North Natomas home. It hauled 5 yards of planter mix for the first raised bed we built together -- five yards of bark to mulch the yard -- five yards of "Sonoma Gold" landscaping rock and sand and stones for a small walkway.

It only took us about six months to landscape a yard barely big enough to turn around it. After that -- it sat unused -- against a fence for a number of years.

But with the new home? It has found new life and lots of new work. We're three years and counting into landscaping the new backyard -- and we're not even half finished yet. So -- Venus and I put ye olde wheelbarrow to work this past weekend -- filling up another raised bed that Venus has already started planting with seed.

How much is five yards of cubic planter mix? Does "a lot of dirt" provide the proper answer? It was more than enough to fill up the bed in question -- and the leftovers are sitting in a big pile in the backyard.

Oh -- don't worry about us. This mound of dirt will play host to some squealing kids later this weekend (The cat known as Precious is really looking forward to this) -- but it will also serve a purpose as we move forward with efforts to put in a few more planter beds and a few spare yards of lawn (OK -- lots of lawn. I'm a sucker for lawns).

As for the Planter Mix in question? This is the famous "50/50" mix from Hastie's Capitol Sand and Gravel -- and a good deal at that. I had been using a different yard for my planter mix and mulch needs -- but grew tired of receiving loads that were a tad small for my liking.

No such concern this time. Keep that name in mind: Hastie's Capitol Sand and Gravel. And -- should you get the urge to move some dirt -- well please feel free to give me a call! The dirt moving "operation" is just getting started.

A Good Whackin!!!

My left knee hurts. My lower back is sore. I've got a pain in my right bicep. My neck is stiff. My feet are killing me.

Ah -- the JOYS of GARDENING!!!

A very Happy New Year to all -- and I hope you enjoyed the Eve of 2010 as much as Venus and I did. I'm sad to report that four to five bottles of bubbly "gave up the ghost" last night. It's really quite amazing that I feel this good -- but I do.

I should drink champagne more often! Perhaps it should be a New Year's Resolution? Hey -- that's one resolution that I can KEEP!

The author of the Sacramento Vegetable Gardening Blog (yours truly) spent a good chunk of the last day of 2009 preparing for the Year that is 2010. The time had come. The numerous rose bushes populating the Back 40 of our North Natomas compound had gone into a deep slumber with the freezing nights that graced our area last month.

The photo to your right? Ladies and Gents -- that's a whack job -- and the remains of last year's rose bushes. What do roses have to do with vegetable gardening? Why are you getting so technical on me? They're pretty. I like giving the wife roses. Is that enough?

Let's just say the rosebushes "got a haircut."

Despite the workout -- I do look forward to this job. It brings us one step forward to the season that is SPRING! And spring is probably my most favorite of all seasons -- followed closely by summer. I look at it this way: you're not cutting back last year's growth. No, no -- not at all. You're preparing for spring.

Is cutting back rose bushes hard? Not really -- but it can be if you're looking for that "perfect cut." There are many schools of thought when it comes to the job of pruning a rosebush. Some well-respected Rosarians (doncha just love those fancy names?) subscribe to the theory of cutting a rosebush back to the nub. Others -- meanwhile -- reccommend that you prune the bushes back to four or five of the strongest "canes."

I'm not an expert at this -- not by any stretch of the imagination -- but I do have some "before" and "after" photos to show you. That rosebush to your left? That is the Queen Elizabeth Grandiflora -- one of my absolute favorites. Grandiflora roses are a cross between the highly popular Hybrid Tea (long-stemmed single roses) and Floribunda roses. That's about all I know on that subject -- other than they look pretty and are good for cutting!

By the way -- if you want the "expert" take on pruning rosebushes -- I highly reccommend you click on this rosebush pruning tutorial offered up by Farmer Fred Hoffman. At one time -- I followed that guide to the absolute letter. But -- after $15,000 worth of back surgery -- well -- there are some things that Bill Bird just will no longer do.

Hence the long-handled loppers in the photo at the top of the page. That's really not the ideal tool for this job -- but it does spare ye olde back from a lot of stress. And -- after a full year of back agony pre-surgery -- well -- I'm not too interested in repeating the experience. Losing the spare tire from around my belly might help too -- and would make another great New Year's Resolution. But -- I've done this before -- and I've broken it with Exlax-like regularity.

As promised -- here is the "after" photo to your right. And despite that whack job -- there's still one more "unfinished" job to take care of. See those leaves around the whack job? Yeah -- I've got to get those out too. Call it another job for another day. Because -- at this very moment -- the first day of 2010 in North Natomas -- it's raining like nobody's business.

Nothing like a good rainstorm to foil a day of gardening adventures. I think I'll watch the Rose Bowl instead.

And now -- for the little hidden secret about rose care. Do roses really need to be pruned back year after year? The answer is no. They come back just fine on their own. It's tough to kill a rosebush. I know -- because I've tried. I've even managed to hit some rosebushes with a shot or three of Roundup. Did they die? A rosebush? Of course not! They weren't all that happy with the mistreatment of course (a mistake on my part -- believe me). But your standard rosebush can take the best product that Monsanto can throw at them -- and come out smelling like a -- you know -- a rose.

So -- while you really DON'T need to prune -- it is true that roses look much better if you DO PRUNE. Cutting back a standard rosebush to the strongest of canes pretty much guarantees a healthy rosebush in the spring. Of course -- fertilizer and water also play key roles in that health. You just can't prune and forget.

The reward for pruning? If there is such a thing -- it would have to be vases full of cut roses and other flowers throughout the spring and summer months. Sure -- I can present my wonderful wife with a vase arrangement for only $60 from a nearby florist. But -- after she scolds me for wasting money that can be better spent on cheap gin (it comes in a plastic bottle) -- you begin to realize that there is a better way of impressing the love in your life.

A free arrangement of flowers and roses that you grew on your own? Now that's one way to impress the little lady. And a case of cheap gin doesn't hurt either.

DEATH to all Spammers!

UNCLE!

I give up! The Spammers Win! The readers of the sometimes wild and sometimes wacky -- but always boring -- Sacramento Vegetable Gardening -- LOSE.

I'm sorry boys and girls -- but spambots have discovered the blog and are laying waste to the comments section. I'm tired of constantly deleting spam or spambot postings in the comments section -- and it's becoming more frequent now.

So -- I've taken a step that I've resisted up until this point. All comments left at the bottom of the page will require word verification now. Yup -- you have to prove that you're real now -- and not just some "bot."

The blog will still allow for comments left by readers who wish to remain anonymous. But if the Spambots get past the word verification step -- I may have to again reset comment posting to readers with user ID's only. That means no more anonymous postings allowed.

Sorry kids. There's just no room for Viagra ads on Sacramento Vegetable Gardening -- although I do wonder what it might do for my heirloom tomatoes.

On second thought -- no I don't.

Love Grows Where My Ro -- err -- Venus Goes

It was on this date -- seven years ago -- that I made the best decision of my life.

Yes sir. That's right.

I've been in cold beer ever since that fateful decision to purchase ye olde kegerator...

Wait? Was that seven years ago or five? I can't remember. Must be the effects of ye olde kegerator and draft Pabst Blue Ribbon.

Who am I kidding?

Actually -- it was on this date that a wonderful life journey started. It was on this date in history, October 26th, 2002, when I finally brainwashed the woman pictured to your right to the point where she could say the words "I do."

For her? It was a struggle. For me? Are you kidding? That's like the California Lottery asking if I wanted my $10 million award in "tens or twenties." That answer was pretty easy. It was on this date that I struck GOLD. And, if you're a fan of the San Francisco Giants, this also happens to be the same date that the Giants blew Game 6 of the 2002 World Series against the hated Angels.

That's the reason why watching the Angels lose to the Yankees last night wasn't half bad.

I digress. Back to the subject of this posting. Today, it's all about Venus. Because -- without the lovely bride that is Venus -- there would be no blog titled "Sacramento Vegetable Gardening." Well -- I suppose there could be -- but I wouldn't be writing it. There would be no garden in the backyard. No heirloom tomatoes. No sunshine. No happiness.

Venus and I haven't changed much since we were married seven years ago. Well -- check that. She still looks as gorgeous as ever and I have the photo snapped over the weekend to prove it. As for me -- well -- those rugged Mel Gibsonesque looks are starting to fade a bit. What happened to all my hair? Did I lose it in my waistline?

Questions, questions!

I'd like to tell you that Venus and I spent a glorious weekend in the Back 40 -- tearing out what was left of the summer garden and planting the rest of our fall treats. But -- you see -- we did that last weekend. And since it was our "special weekend," and using the same brainwashing techniques I successfully employed seven years ago, we both decided to hop on the train out of Sacramento on Friday for the romantic destination of: Berkeley.

Say again? Bezerkley? Yes -- that place. The University of California AT Berkeley to be more exact. Venus and I took in the Cal football game against Washington State this past weekend. It wasn't going to be televised. I knew that the Bears were probably going to win this one. The Cougars are -- well -- slightly better than God awful this season. So -- why not take the wife back to her old stomping grounds where she earned her degree?

Fortunately, Mother Nature came through with gorgeous Saturday afternoon weather. I mean -- folks -- for us Sacramento Valley types? The weather was perfect! Shirt sleeves and shorts. For Berkeley regulars? A little too hot for them -- but just fine for us.

And the Bears put on a show. By that -- I mean the game was pretty much over by the first quarter. Three or four first quarter touchdowns will do that to a game. The Cougars did at least try to make it interesting -- but the game was snoozeville pretty much after halftime.

No matter. The wife was home. She was back in her element. No visit to the Cal campus is complete without a stop at Top Dog -- the home of the (SURPRISE) Top Dog. You can't forget to at least walk a section or two of Telegraph Avenue -- and a stop at the Bear's Lair Pub is also an absolute must.

After two or three or seven (I kind of lost count) at the Bear's Lair -- the wife and I found ourself stumbling back in the direction of Shadduck Avenue -- toward that lovely downtown Berkeley BART station -- and the train back to Richmond. From there -- we would catch the Cal Train -- and the all-important BAR CAR -- back to Sacramento.

As for the Back 40? The fall garden? The Birds? The Bees? They can wait. The perfect marriage to the perfect woman comes only once in a man's lifetime. Better enjoy that life while you can. Because time does indeed fly when you're having fun. Which is why my marriage to this lady seems like yesterday.

FORGET ABOUT IT FISHBACK!New Heights for the Hello Kitty Hive!

My thanks to some new friends over at Hello Kitty Hell for a bit of shameless self-promotion that set the Sacramento Vegetable Gardening hit counter soaring to new heights.

It always pleases me to see ten to 15 people access the blog daily. It means I'm reaching someone. Hopefully, I'm teaching them so new tricks or at least making them laugh. It's all I've got people. You go with what you know.

But -- when the fine folks over at Hello Kitty Hell discovered the Hello Kitty Hive and published this entry? The hit counter hit the roof! Eight thousand hits over the space of 24 hours? Exsqueeze me? Even the blog counter Technorati confirms that I am officially a "big deal" now. The blog that is Sacramento Vegetable Gardening went from the 754,975 thousandth most important blog to a mere 705,867.

My friends -- this is power. Who cares about those other 706 thousand clowns anyway? I bet they don't have a Hello Kitty Beehive. All right Mr. DeMille, I'm ready for my closeup!

Let's just say I owe those fine folks at Hello Kitty Hell a bottle or two of Hello Kitty Hive honey, which will hopefully be available next year. I imagine the folks that actually license "Hello Kitty" will jump into the honey line as well. I can't blame them. When you've got a hit like Hello Kitty on your hands -- you take advantage of it.

Not to change the subject (but I am) -- many of you have come to know that the wife that is Venus and I are first-time beekeepers. The scientific term is "newbs." The Latin term is E. Pluribus Newbium. We've never done anything like this before, and each day with the hive is a learning experience.

Unfortunately, it seems there are a few other beekeepers who show absolutely NO SHAME WHATSOEVER in capatalizing on the fortunes of Newbie Beekeepers. Case in point? A Sacramento area beekeeper by the name of Brian Fishback.

I've had the pleasure of meeting Mr. Fishback once or twice before during the monthly meetings of the Sacramento Area Beekeepers Association (we all get together to show off our bee stings and drink wine made from honey). I've actually heard him speak on the subject of bees -- although to be honest -- most of what he told me went straight over ye olde cranium.

But Mr. Fishback knows what us Newbie Beekeepers are going through these days. He knows that we are encountering nightly scenes like this in front of the hive. He knows that Newbie Beekeepers like the wife that is Venus and I are getting stung on a daily basis. And he knows that some of us "Newbs" are having second thoughts about owning a servicing a hive on a daily basis.

Not everyone -- it seems -- can put up with the welts.

What has Mr. Fishback done?

The September edition of the Sacramento Beeline (cute) -- a monthly publication of the Sacramento Area Beekeepers Association -- arrived in my email inbox the other day. It was packed full of useful information regarding all things bees -- and also contained this little advertisement from none other than Mr. Fishback. It reads (and I quote):

"To bee or not to bee, that is the question I ask of thee. If you have purchased bees, equipment, supplies and have discovered that this may not bee the time for you to bee raising bees, I would like to purchase your hives or supplies. Please give me a call: Brian Fishback (916) 709-XXXX.

How utterly quaint of him. Fishback knows the bees have turned on us a bit (all hives do when pollen sources start to dry up in the fall) and is looking to swoop in and captalize on OUR hard work, OUR bee sting welts, OUR hives, OUR summer sweat and hard work, and our FEARS as Newbie Beekeepers.

He knows -- all too well -- that approaching a hive that looks like this one to your right can be a bit -- well -- unsettling to normal folks. And he's right. I still have a hard time approaching the hive when the bees are out in force like this. You can't even see that feeder jar in front, can you? Notice how it's kinda covered with bees? Bees that you need to flick off to retrieve the jar in question so you can refill it?

Not a job for the squeamish -- I'll admit. And I'll also admit that the wife that is Venus has commented on more than one occassion that "maybe beekeeping wasn't such a good idea after all."

And then she saw the ad from Brian Fishback. Suddenly, her views shifted. So did mine.

So -- we have a message for our fellow beekeeper in arms: FORGET ABOUT IT FISHBACK.

How would San Francisco Giants TV Color commentator Mike Krukow put it? Oh yes -- that's right. He'd say something snide like: "Grab some pine, meat."

Thanks, but no thanks, Fishback. We built this City. We're not giving up. There's only one Hello Kitty Hive that we're aware of. And those bees ain't going nowhere.

Shame, Shame, Brian. Back to the bench for you!