Christmas Garden Gifts

A Merry Bird Christmas

I had intended the title of this post to be "last minute gardening gifts for Christmas." Uh yeah, I'm a tad late. In fact, I'm not really done with Christmas shopping quite yet. Because, when it comes to the wonderful wife that is Venus, Christmas comes 365 days a year.

However, I did run into some problems this year when she retorted "NOTHING," in response to my question of "what do you want for Christmas, dearest?" That's a rather tough answer. If I had actually put nothing under the tree for Christmas Day, I could see myself camping in our North Natomas backyard for a rather extended stay.

A Favorite Bird Gardening Haunt

Though I am a fan of camping, I'd rather pass on the somewhat cold and quite waterlogged Bird Back 40. Besides, there's really no place to pitch a tent. Unless I want it to float away.

Still, the wife deserved something for Christmas Day. And, as I walked the aisles of Emigh's Ace Hardware this Christmas season (one of my favorite haunts), plenty of gift-gardening opportunities presented themselves. Instead of receiving "nothing," she would get items that made digging in the dirt that much more enjoyable.

Plus -- these are the types of things that vegetable gardeners really can't be without.

Cat Play Toys -- aka -- Garden Labels

PLANT LABELS: It's a simple thing actually, but you'd be surprised how quickly these things vanish in the Bird Back 40. Every row of seeds -- every tomato plant -- deserves a plant label. Sure -- our pesky cats have been known to knock a few of these into next year (bad cat!), but labels keep the garden in order. They also help us tell the difference between Atomic Red Carrots, Solar Yellow Carrots, and Cosmic Purple Carrots.

What's that? Purple carrots? They really make those things? Why, yes they do! Not just "make" them, but grow them. Carrots come in the colors of the rainbow and thanks to some fine work by researchers in all things vegetables, come packed with nutrients. Each row gets a label -- and with some 20 odd raised gardening beds -- that's a lot of rows.

Garden Sloggers for the Bird Back 40

GARDEN SLOGGERS: This is the one gift that made the wife's Christmas morning. Venus appreciates a pair of good shoes -- and now she's got a pair for her exploits in the Bird Back 40. I've been promised that these sloggers are appropriately named, and can handle wind, rain, mud or anything else that Mother Nature can throw at them.

I found the sloggers hanging on a back wall near the gardening department and couldn't resist. Call it an "impulse purchase." And -- try as they might -- our pesky cats cannot chew holes into these things.

Green Stretch Tape

GREEN GARDENING TAPE: Somehow we manage to go through miles of this stuff. If there's one rule in the Bird Back 40 garden? You can never have enough gardening tape for odd jobs. Tomato plants looking overgrown and somewhat disheveled? Put the green gardening tape to work. Branches bending under the weight of far too much fruit? Bring on the green gardening tape! Want that tree to grow up instead of out? Where's my tape?

Tape is also used to ensure that vines grow up a fence line rather than on a sidewalk or walkway, where they can be trampled by a herd of marauding cats (notice a theme here?).

Okra, Cucumbers, Onions, Oh My!

SEEDS: You can't have a garden without gardening seeds. Since Venus tends to plant everything from seed, you'd be surprised how many we actually go through. We also normally plant more than one variety of each vegetable. I mean, why grow just one variety of cucumber when you can have five? It's like growing just one variety of tomato, which will never work.

I also make sure to buy several packages of green onions -- one of my garden favorites. In fact, I'm still pulling green onions that are leftover from last summer's garden. Purchasing several packets of the same thing ensures that we'll never run out of them, as we did three years ago when we ran out of green onion seed. Or when the pesky cats dig them up and scatter them to the wind.

GIFT CERTIFICATES: I've got to give credit to my brother Andy for dreaming this one up. A gift certificate to Peaceful Valley Farm Supply in Nevada City? Can you say "the perfect gift?" My thanks to Charlotte "Daffodil Planter" Germane for whispering into my brother's Facebook ear while he was searching for Christmas items.

And while we're on this particular subject -- why is one of Sacramento's best nurseries located in Nevada City? Not that I'm complaining, of course, but I'd probably wind up living there if they'd just move a tad closer to home.

Precious "The Destroyer"

Thanks to these last minute gardening gift items and a few more surprises, Christmas Day came and went without a hitch. To borrow a line from Twas the Night Before Christmas, "not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse."

It didn't help matters much when Precious decided to invade the Christmas Village and make it her personal nap spot for the day (nobody moves Precious from her nap spot). But the fact that she didn't actually destroy it in the process, or knock over any carefully placed figures has to count for something.

I just wish she'd show the same respect when knocking carefully placed plant labels into the next century.

One Garden Project Leads Too....

Ronald Reagan

Former President Ronald Reagan once remarked that; "Regulations are like spores of a fungus -- they settle anywhere and everywhere and create more spores..."

Now -- despite how you may feel personally about the 40th President of the United States and the 33rd Governor of California (he does tend to elicit the best and worst out of people) -- he could have just as easily been talking about gardening.

Replace the term "regulations" with "gardening projects" and you have a statement that is probably more truthful than Reagan's original quote.

How do I know this? From experience of course!

New Artichoke Bed?

Case in point? The gardening "bed" located to your immediate left. This "bed" is the latest edition to our backyard garden. Constructed from CHEAP Home Depot brand Redwood fenceboard (did I say CHEAP?) -- Venus and I filled this bed with planter mix from Hasties Capitol Sand and Gravel just this past spring (I think the planter mix may have cost more than the box).

What was the new box for? I'm glad you asked. I had intended to move some artichoke plants from the overcrowded artichoke bed to your right -- over into the new box. But there was just one -- small problem.

Overcrowded Artichoke Bed

You really shouldn't attempt to transplant artichoke plants in the spring. I've learned that failure of a project through experience. Nope -- your best bet is to "divide and conquer" in the fall -- after the main artichoke plants have succumbed to the harsh Sacramento Valley summertime heat -- and the root systems are sending up replacements by the dozens.

So -- what to do with the new box then? Venus and I let "the kid" -- nephew Marquitos Stromberg -- plant the new box with a variety of spring seeds ranging from carrots to parsnips and anything and everything in between. Not just any carrots either. Normal carrots are boring. The boy was into those funky carrots called "Atomic Red" and those fancy yellow types named "Solar" or "Sunshine."

The nephew did a better job than I expected. Because when it came time to pull up the nephew's seed starting project -- well -- the wife that is Venus and I encountered one small problem.

Sunshine Yellow Carrots

Call it a monster sized carrot and turnip harvest. When I say monster -- I mean MONSTER. I've never grown carrots THIS LARGE -- nor in this LARGE A NUMBER.

"What am I going to do with this pile of produce now," I wondered. Remember! The original project was to transplant artichokes. Suddenly -- an unforseen gardening project leapt onto Bill Bird's radar screen. Life had given me carrots -- a fair amount of parsnips and some fat turnips hidden in the back.

Lastly -- as I grabbed a whithering basil plant that had clearly reached the end of its season -- a friendly reminder buzzed by my ear. It was a bee. But not just any old bee. It was one of MY BEES -- a bee from the Hello Kitty Hive. And -- as I stared intently as the basil flowers protruding from three fading basil plants -- I spotted another -- and yet another -- and yet one more.

Surprise! You've Got Parsnips!

I suddenly realized that I was about to pull out an important pollen source that bees from my backyard hive were utilizing at the moment. It's the Fall Season folks. Pollen sources are drying up fast. Bees are flying longer distances and in greater numbers in the quest to store up pollen and honey in time for the winter season.

I just couldn't pull those basil plants out -- not now anyway. So -- they stayed -- which created yet ANOTHER garden project for the day.

See what I'm getting at?

The job of transplanting artichokes from one bed to another is actually quite simple. It's almost impossible to kill an artichoke plant. I know because I've tried. They didn't like that one encounter with the lawnmower (a mistake) -- nor did they appreciate a spray-bath of Roundup (another mistake).

Divide and Conquer!

Oh -- sure -- they'll look unhappy at first. But they always seem to bounce back. The scientist who predicted that only cockroaches would survive a nuclear holocaust obviously never had an artichoke plant in the backyard. These things are rather indestructable.

Another tidbit that I've discovered through the years is that artichokes LOVE room. The more you give them -- the bigger they will get -- which leads to larger and more tastier harvests. Many people have asked me how much room an artichoke plant needs and my response has always been; "how much room do you have?" Because an artichoke will fill up that space rather quickly and rampage into other areas where you may not want them.

Clean Bed Ready for Winter!

The best way to remove an artichoke is to remove a portion of the root system that the plant protruding above the ground is attached too. This is easier said than done -- and can require a bit of tugging and maybe a stick of dynamite or two before you hear that satisfying CRACK!

From that point -- you simply move that chunk of root system and plant over to the new bed -- dig an appropriate-sized hole and plant. Make sure the root system is buried under an inch or two of soil -- with the plant still above ground.

How will you know if you've taken the right steps? Trust me -- the plant will let you know. For -- if you return the next morning and find your transplants DEAD and FLATTENED just like this -- you've done the right job.

Unhappy Artichoke Transplants

Seriously! Those plants that had been so full of life and vigor the previous day will droop to the ground and fall over flat. They'll give you that accusing "Why Did You Move Me" look -- and will let you know they were much happier where they had been before.

Don't despair kids! It only looks like you've killed it. In time? New sprouts will begin to emerge from the center of the plant. By this December? I'll have artichoke plants loving our cool Sacramento winter weather. And by next spring? Hopefully -- a record artichoke harvest from not just one bed -- but two.

Two is twice as nice!