My Corn Fails Like Alex Smith

FAIL!

Boy -- that sure was fast. I never expected the end of the 2010-2011 football season to come in early September -- but when the 49ers and Raiders turn in the kind of "El Stinko" type of performances that both squads turned in yesterday -- well -- it begs the following question:

When does basketball/baseball/hockey/tiddlywinks season start again?

Whatever the answer is -- it can't be soon enough. There's nothing like putting off an entire's day worth of work in the garden to watch something so horrible that will make you regret putting off an entire day's worth of work in the garden.

Jeez! I could have planted my lawn by now!

Total Crop Failure!

As I was staring at the complete crop failure that is my corn this Monday morning -- it reminded me that I hadn't seen anything quite this bad or demoralizing since -- well -- yesterday's Seahawks-49ers opener. And then -- it hit me: my corn failed as badly on me this season as Alex Smith failed the San Francisco 49ers.

There's no way around it. There's no hiding the disaster. It's right in front for everyone to see: a complete and utter failure. My 2010 summer corn crop and the latest reincarnation of Alex Smith.

I will say this much however: last year -- I had a great crop of corn -- a wonderful harvest that I blogged about here. So -- at least I can say that I had ONE good year under my belt.

As for Alex Smith -- well -- no....

Sickly Corn

To be brutally honest though -- I'm not sure what exactly what went wrong with the Bird corn crop this year. However -- I can tell you that we're not alone. A lot of other gardeners reported the same garden lament to me this season: total and complete corn crop failure.

The seeds for this year's crop of Golden Cross Bantam came from Lockhart Seed in Stockton. I knew -- from last year's experience -- that seeds from different varieties should not be planted close together (they will cross-pollinate and you'll get all sorts of weird and wacky combinations). We used a bed located close to a bed that was used for last year's successful corn plantings -- after amending it -- of course.

Venus and I planted seed for the first two rows in Mid-April. We planted a third and fourth row some three weeks later in early May. The fifth and sixth rows were planted two weeks later -- after other seeds had germinated and jumped out of the ground.

Everything looked A-OK at first. Sure -- the weather wasn't cooperating all that much. Sure -- it was cold. And yes -- that cold weather would have an effect on the other crops like tomatoes -- melons and squash.

But it didn't result in outright failures either.

Purple-Colored Corn Stalks

Nope -- the first sign that something wasn't quite right in Dodge was when I noticed this purple coloring showing up in some of the first rows that we had planted. It seemed a little strange -- yes -- but then again -- we were also experimenting with a new variety. Perhaps this is the way it should look?

But -- as the growing season moved forward -- I began to notice signs that something just wasn't right. Normally strong corn stalks were rather thin and wispy. Developing tassels weren't growing far beyond the weakened stalks. Worse yet -- the purple color I had noticed near the bottom of the stalks was slowly moving up the plant.

Soon -- it would overtake the entire row.

The end result? Venus and I managed to grow a lot of corn cobbettes rather than actual cobs. They didn't taste very good either -- and the harvest just wasnt worth our time. Additionally -- the later rows that we had planted were not doing as well as we had expected. They were stunted in growth. They seemed to be lacking in something.

Now -- to be fair and honest -- I'm not the only Natomas gardener to suffer a complete corn crop failure this season. Others had the same type of problem. They didn't plant as much as Venus and I had -- but they all had similar problems: purplish coloring on the stalks -- weakened stalks -- and little to no corn production.

In other words -- we weren't alone. Misery loves company.

So -- what went wrong? I'm not sure. I know it wasn't a lack of fertilizer or water. Our crops received regular fertilization and were on the same drip system that our successful corn crop utilized last season. Other crops planted nearby -- such as squash and tomatoes -- exhibited much better production.

Could it have been the unseasonable cool weather? That is a possibility. Corn -- like a lot of other summer crops -- needs sustained summer heat to do well. We didn't get a whole lot of that this season.

So -- in retrospect -- it could have been a lot of things. It could have been a combination of different factors.

As for me? I'm blaming my crop failure on Alex Smith.

A Bowl Full of Color

Ain't it amazing what three solid days of normal summertime heat can do to a backyard garden?

The heat that I have waited for to arrive all summer long finally showed up this past weekend in the form of bright sunshine -- highs in the mid 90's and some of the warmest nights we've seen this year. It's not quite warm enough for the wife that is Venus to take off her sweater (the wife prefers "Fresno Warm") -- but I'm not complaining.

Lord knows -- I've done enough already.

The heat was just enough to kick some loaded cherry plants into production. Although the heat isn't expected to last -- it was apparently enough to give us this bowl full of color tonight. And I'm hopeful these harvests will not only continue -- but gain in intensity as the summer marches on.

Bill Bird is never quite satsified. I guess that's what keeps me going.

I'll be honest. We went a *tad* overboard with our cherry tomato plantings this year. I never intended to set aside room in our limited raised bed space to three different cherry tomato varieties (the wife that is Venus had other plans) and I also wasn't counting on the INFINITE number of volunteers that would suddenly spring up in spaces so arid it could be mistaken for a moonscape.

How Black Cherry tomatoes can grow without any source of water continues to amaze me. But grow they do -- and do quite well.

The Bowl Full of Color represents many different varieties -- both intended and unintended plantings. That list includes Black Cherry (volunteers everywhere plus one is planted in a raised bed, a Large Orange Cherry volunteer, Pink Ping Pong, Lemon Drop, Jelly Bean and Santa Hybrid.

Heirloom Tomatoes from the Bird Backyard

I'm not exactly sure where the Large Orange Cherry comes from. It showed up last year outside of a raised bed that contained a smaller orange cherry variety called SunGold the previous year. That bed also held a number of beefsteak tomatoes -- including Mortgage Lifter and Pineapple. Could these be a cross of two plants? I suppose it's entirely possible -- but I'll never know.

For now? It's called Large Orange Cherry. I'll seed this particular variety (it is quite good) in hopes of producing a genetic duplicate next season -- but one never knows with volunteer plants. I suppose that's half the fun of planting a tomato garden.

Cherry tomatoes are just the start though. The main part of the tomato garden is -- at long last -- finally coming into production. I'm not seeing the numbers that I saw last year -- and I highly doubt that I'll encounter those massive harvests -- but it looks like Venus and I will be busy with some home canning projects later this August.

Bush Beans N' Basil Anyone?

Since the 49ers are once again going with Alex Smith at quarterback and the Raiders are -- well -- the Raiders -- I'll be able to dedicate some NFL Sundays to home canning efforts without missing much in the way of quality football.

I said quality football people. Q-U-A-L-I-T-Y. If you're not a fan -- let's just say it's been missing around these parts for -- oh -- the past decade. I either can summer produce or hook up an IV to the Kegerator outside. I'll choose summertime produce -- thank you.