Take the Pain

Lemon Boy Tomatoes-Bird Back 40

The calendar says it's only been two weeks since I last put pen to paper. But to be honest -- it seems like eons ago. Three weeks ago life was grand. That pesky Achilles tendon that kept me out of the garden had finally healed up. The boot was off. Bill Bird was back in his element -- in the garden where he belongs -- blowing through one delayed project after another.

And then -- wouldn't you know it? I pushed that envelope yet a wee bit too much. Even though I promised myself that I would take it easy -- I knew those heirloom tomato plants that I'd just staked up three weekends ago would enjoy a nice long drink of liquid fertilizers.

I use a combination of liquid organic fertilizers in the garden. I've been hooked on a product called Maxicrop, for example, ever since Farmer Fred Hoffman was kind enough to share some with me many, many moons ago when the wife that is Venus and I first started this North Natomas garden assault. Combined with another organic fish fertilizer that I'd obtained from Peaceful Valley Farm Supply in Nevada City, the fertilizer solution has always resulted in out-of-this-world tomato production.

Miracle Tomato Producer

Sure it takes time to fertilize 28 tomato plants with this liquid fertilizer solution, but the eye-popping production was worth it.

It didn't really dawn on me that hauling five gallon buckets filled with water and fertilizer solution from the garage to the backyard would put much stress on the back. I was more concerned about the foot that had just come out of a walking boot to be brutally honest. I wasn't thinking about the back.

And what a terribly bad thing to not think about.

As a veteran of many back problems, plus at least one back surgery, I can tell you that once you hurt the sciatic nerve in the spine, you're done for. The pain, however, is not immediate. It starts as an annoyance a day or two after the injury. And, depending upon the severity of the injury, that tickling annoyance of pain slowly increases to a level of gut wrenching, soul-killing, pain that is hard to describe.

There is no relief from this pain. Lying down doesn't help. It only makes it worse. Sitting only serves to increase the jolts of pain that the injured sciatic nerve is sending into your legs, and yes, even testicles. It is a pain like no other. And it was all mine, mine, mine. I owned it. All of it. I did it to myself. Three or four days after pinching the sciatic nerve, I couldn't move from the only contorted spot I'd found that temporarily relieved the shockwaves of pain.

It was, at this point, where I allowed waves of negative thinking to take control of my mind. What had I done to myself? How could I possibly screw up this back again after going through $15K of highly successful back surgery nearly ten years ago? How can I live with this pain? What about my job? My career? I couldn't move from the spot I was anchored too, let alone throw on a suit and tie.

Narcotics offered some relief. Prescription pain killers like Percocet, Morphine, Flexeril and many others offered the only road to relief that I could find. And while this road is nice for awhile, it's also a trap. Narcotics don't solve the problem. They merely mask the pain. Narcotics also leave you unable to function, especially in a work setting. And forget about setting foot in a car!

I spent a solid week -- my vacation week for the year oddly enough -- in this narcotics fog. The recipe called for pills in the morning, pills in the afternoon and pills before heading off to bed. With each passing day, the fog grew deeper. What was today? Wednesday? Was tomorrow Friday? Where did I leave the Percocet?

I was in no shape to return to work when I finally did just that. The pain levels were still very high, but the narcotics continued to mask it. On that first day back, a co-worker remarked, "your face is as red as a stoplight!" Simple tasks, like answering a phone call, suddenly weren't so simple anymore. And why was my voice so high?

It was at this point where I realized that allowing myself to sink into a pit of pain-killing narcotics for a week really wasn't the best of ideas. Instead? I should have just taken the pain. And that's when I decided to dump the pills. And when I say dump? I mean, DUMP. There is really only one way to confront the abuse of narcotic pain-killers. It's called "Cold Turkey."

It was also about this time where I ran across one of my favorite epics dealing with the Vietnam War. Platoon not only related a fantastic story of what our fighting soldiers faced in Vietnam, the Academy Award Winner for Best Picture in 1986 also gave rise to a number of great young actors like Willem Dafoe, Tom Berenger, Charlie Sheen and many others.

But it's one line from that movie that stuck with me one night while I slowly dried out from the narcotics I'd used to mask my back pain. It's a battle scene where several soldiers are wounded and one even loses his life. It's a line where Berenger tells a screaming soldier to "take the pain." And suddenly, I knew what I had to do: Take the pain.

It's been five or six days since I made that decision. My back aches as I sit at this desk and type this prose. But I'm smiling because I know it's a pain that isn't half as bad as it was two weeks ago. It means surgery may not be needed. The falling levels of pain might indicate some future time in a garden setting. But -- don't worry kids -- I won't overdo it this time. That's a promise.

Of Artichokes N' Blooms

Excitement Level = HIGH!

We're getting close to Bill & Venus Bird's favorite part of the year. More so me than the lovely wife -- but Spring is getting ready to Sprung in ye olde North Natomas Back 40.

The wife loves this time of year too -- don't get me wrong. But she can hardly wait for the 100-degree nights (sans Delta Breeze of course), Johnny Miller calling the play-by-play on KNBR, cats chasing after insect ghosts in the dark backyard night and a refreshing drink containing high-class gin that comes from a plastic bottle.

Now that children -- is a good time for all. I happen to like it too.

Winter is a bit of a bummer for us backyard enthusiasts. Yeah -- you receive reams of catalogs to go through. Seeds must be ordered. Gardens must be planned. But that's all INDOOR work. Meanwhile -- for those of us who would rather be outside in the garden -- all we can do is look out the window at the downpour.

But the first hint of spring for us? That's when the daffodils burst open. We got quite the show this year. Next up? The Santa Rosa plum tree turned bright white with a thousand blossoms.

And now -- finally? The artichoke plants are beginning to perk up and look like artichoke plants again. In another month or two -- the first artichokes will begin to emerge from the nine or ten artichoke plants in this bed. By mid-May? Artichokes will be on the menu just about every night for supper.

There's nothing quite like a meal of a big, meaty artichoke, some melted butter, garlic salt and fresh herbs from the garden. It is Heaven on Earth.

I was a tad worried though -- earlier this year. The freeze that hit in December really walloped the artichoke plants that had emerged last fall. Usually -- artichoke plants emerge in the fall and grow right through the winter months. They are usually quite gargantuan by March and April. But something strange happened this year.

I'm not sure if it was the December freeze or perhaps a neighbor got a tad too generous with some Roundup -- as our plants started to die back in January. Some of the damage -- as the photo to the left illustrates -- is still with us. There was a time when every plant looked exactly like that one leaf. I'd never seen it before.

But -- thinking this could also be freeze damage -- I followed the advice of other well known gardeners who advised "leave it alone." It's true that artichokes do love cold, foggy conditions. But they draw the line when the mercury drops too far -- as it's been known to do in Sacramento. Give them a coastal climate and they'll shower you with love and artichokes.

Most of the time -- we have that. But there are those "exceptions..."

I'm not only happy to see them bouncing back -- but the return of my natural bug hunters brought a big smile to my face. I'm not exactly sure why ladybugs are so wild about my backyard -- but I have them in abundance. They are the best control that I have against the aphids and other pests that will begin munching on the artichokes and artichoke plants later this spring.

Eventually -- the aphids and the heat will always win out the day. But the ladybugs do their part in keeping the bad characters away. Now -- don't get me wrong here. You can't just cut -- steam and eat on home-grown chokes -- unless you really like getting a mouthful of yard critters. They love hiding ON and INSIDE the artichoke.

The best defense then? A good salt water bath is a must once you've brought them inside to prepare for that evening's meal. A good 30 minute soak in a salty brine will remove most of the bad actors -- and you'll be surprised to find out just how INFESTED these things can get.

Bill Bird -- and an overabundance of bugs -- love artichokes.

If you desire artichokes as big as your hand for dinner -- the time to start preparing for that experience is now. I fertilize my artichoke plants regularly -- with both organic and non-organic materials. The plants get a least a gallon of water mixed with Omega 2000 and Maxicrop every week and I also distribute several cups of Osmocote brand fertilizer in the bed during the month of March.

As the weather warms and the plants begin to produce? Normal watering schedules go by the wayside. The bed is soaked thoroughly with a hose on a low stream of water at least twice a week.

This method usually results in a first crop of artichokes that will be large -- meaty and very tender. Successive crops will result in smaller artichokes. And -- as the weather really begins to warm in mid-June -- artichokes take on the consistency of leather. They're still good mind you -- but tough on the teeth!

Perhaps more experimentation is needed? We will be expanding our artichoke planting efforts into a second bed later this spring. The bed is built -- but isn't irrigated yet nor do I have the required planter mix. Put that on the list of "projects to be completed later this spring."

I never do get to all of them.

Oh -- I promised BLOOMS! And here you go! This is another reason to get excited about the approaching change in seasons that is spring. The two peach trees in the backyard are flowering like nobody's business.

Although there are some growers who reccommend that you don't allow a peach tree to produce ANY fruit for the first three years -- well -- I couldn't wait. This O'Henry Peach tree produced a few peaches during the first year. Last year? An avalanche of peaches. The tree had to be culled regularly to keep branches from bending and breaking under the weight of loaded peaches.

As for Year 3? While I really should pull each and every peach from the tree and allow root systems to develop -- you should know me by now. There's peach pie to be had later this summer!

ANNOUNCING: The 2009 Bird Tomato Garden!!!

I feel like I've been run over by a Mack Truck.

Twice.

Yet, strangely, I feel satisfied. This is how I normally feel after a weekend of intense gardening therapy in the Back 40 backyard of Bill & Venus Bird. And, yes, it is therapy. I enjoy it. No matter how much by back hurts nor how much the shoulders peel from sunburn on sunburn, there is a strange and perverse satisfaction to planting a tomato garden in the backyard.

This is one whopper of a garden. We outdid ourselves again. There are 37 tomato plants that found homes in our backyard this season. That's ten more than last year. That's thirty more than six years ago, when the wife and I both discovered a shared love for all things heirloom tomatoes.

Not only is the garden in -- it's PRODUCING. Yes -- you read it correctly. The 16 plants that Venus and I stuck in the ground four weeks ago, with the exception of just one, are PRODUCING tomatoes at a rapid rate.

This is a first for me. It's a first for Venus as well. I've never seen heirloom plants produce quite this early. In fact, as a rule, most of them generally don't start producing small fruits until June or even July. We enjoy late harvests in August and September, but at our current rate, we'll be harvesting buckets of heirloom tomatoes in June. Who knows -- we might even get something at the end of May.

The picture to your right is a pretty good indication of what I discovered last weekend when I was staking up 16 tomato plants that had been blown flat by a weekend storm of rain and wind. That, my friends, is the Azoychka tomato plant. And those are three to four Azoychka tomatoes -- good sized tomatoes at that.

I'm still not quite ready to install my PVC tomato cages just yet -- and they take time to put up. I needed a quick fix. So -- off to Home Depot I went this past weekend for some bamboo stakes and garden twine. Both items are a gardener's best friend. Upon pulling up the tomato plants that had fallen to the ground, I discovered a treasure trove of production that, quite frankly, surprised me.

Each plant had not only flowered, but many of those flowers had resulted in fruit. Most of the plants had no more than three or four tomatoes, but in some cases there were more. The Druzba -- for example -- has thrown out ten tomatoes. And the Black Cherry plant you see to your left? That's just one of several clusters of cherry tomatoes that have developed so far.

What did I do differently this year to get such early production? I'm not really sure. Could it be that I recharged each raised planter bed with three bags of steer manure compost and other pelleted fertilzers? Possibly. Could it be the Omega 666 and Maxicrop liquid organic fertilizers? I suppose? Is the new hive of bees going to work on the tomato flowers? I suppose anything is possible.

At any rate -- we're off to a great start this year. And we're just getting started. It's barely mid-May. We've got a good five or six months to go! And now, without fail, here's a list of what we're growing in the Bird backyard this season and where the plants came from.

Almost all were started from seed. Some of the plants were grown by Farmer Fred Hoffman. Some were grown by Bill and Venus Bird. Still others were grown by Nels Christenson.

1. Arkansas Traveler (Farmer Fred)
2. Azoychka (Farmer Fred)
3. Beefsteak (Bill & Venus)
4. Black Cherry (Farmer Fred)
5. Black Krim (Farmer Fred)
6. Bloody Butcher (Farmer Fred)
7. Brandywine (2) Farmer Fred & Bill & Venus)
8. Campbell’s 1327 (Farmer Fred)
9. Clint Eastwood’s Rowdy Red (Farmer Fred)
10. Cosmonaut Volkov (Farmer Fred)
11. Costoluto Genovese (Farmer Fred)
12. Dixie’s Golden Giant (Farmer Fred)
13. Dr. Wyche’s Yellow (Farmer Fred)
14. Druzba (Farmer Fred)
15. Giant Belgium (Farmer Fred)
16. Green Zebra (Bill & Venus)
17. Japanese Black Trefele (Nursery purchase)
18. Jelly Bean (Farmer Fred)
19. Jubilee (Bill & Venus)
20. Kelloggs Breakfast (Farmer Fred)
21. Lemon Boy (Farmer Fred)
22. Marianna’s Peace (Farmer Fred & Bill & Venus)
23. Peppermint Quitos Strain (Bill & Venus)
24. Pineapple Beefsteak (Nursery Purchase)
25. Pink Ping Pong (Bill & Venus)
26. Red Reif Heart (Bill & Venus)
27. Santa Sweet (Bill & Venus)
28. Sun Gold Cherry (Volunteer)
29. Winsall (Nels Christenson)
30. Zapotec Pleated (Bill &Venus)

Before I sign off -- I want to add one other note. The photos above represent tomatoes in raised beds that were planted exactly one month ago. Not all of the garden looks this nice. Not all of the plants are THAT tall, THAT lush, or look THAT good.

Here's a good example of one bed, to your left, that we planted this past weekend. What will this bed look like in another month? Good question. As you can tell by the photo to your left, these tomato plants were NOT planted into a raised bed. Nope -- these plants went directly into cruddy, crappy, North Natomas clay soil.

Keep in mind that I amended this soil with LOTS of compost (four bags) and LOTS of steer manure compost (ten bags). But, even with the good stuff, it's still crappy, cruddy, Natomas clay sludge soil. Who knows what these plants will look like in another month? Will they survive? Will they thrive? The answers will be provided in time.

In short -- this is a "test" bed. It's an experiment to utlize every section of our backyard for growing purposes. If this works, like I hope it will work, we will amend other sections of the yard in future years to expand our tiny, but always growing, garden.

Stay tuned. The 2009 fresh-off-the-vine tomato season is now underway.