I am a Maine Coon Kitten -- Hear Me Mrr

Lenny: The Maine Coon Kitten

Fear Me, for I am a Maine Coon Kitten. I hissed at you the first time you reached out for me. Little did you know that was my way of choosing you. Your life will never be the same.

Fear Me, for I am a Maine Coon Kitten. I am the size of a 20 lb. diecast Toyota dump truck and hit like Patrick Willis. I will never catch that bird that is happily chirping on that fence because my hind end is five times the size of my head. But at least I can knock the fence flat.

Fear Me, for I am a Maine Coon Kitten. Things placed on tables, chairs, dressers and other surfaces bother me and get in my way. They should be removed before I remove them with a swipe of my massive paws. That includes the 32-inch LCD TV in my path. You needed to upgrade to an LED anyway.

Fear Me, for I am a Maine Coon Kitten: I am unique in that I chirp like a bird while chasing other cats about the home. I am much like a dog in that I come to you when called to do so. However, if you do not greet me with treat or toy upon my arrival, the resulting experience will be less than pleasant.

WARNING! Giant Kitten!

Love Me, for I am a Maine Coon Kitten: I have a live dog chew toy that I can and will make yelp with pain during a well-placed squeeze of my massive claws. One look at us rolling from room to room to room, and you will begin to understand Bill Murray's warning about "dogs and cats, sleeping together, mass hysteria" from Ghostbusters.

Fear Me, for I am a Maine Coon Kitten: I have discovered that Blackberries fly much like spaceships when given a well-placed whack of my giant paw. Hit at just the right angle, I have found that they will blow into pieces upon hitting the wall. SIM cards are fun.

Love Me, for I am a Maine Coon Kitten: I have been blessed with the nickname of "Old Yowler" for my unique crooning ability. I have a voice like none other. I love to practice at three in the morning.

Fear Me, for I am a Maine Coon Kitten. I will eat you out of house and home and the neighbor's home while I'm at it. I eat like cat food will be outlawed at any moment. Any type or size of cat treat should be on an Endangered Species list. Out of the way, dog. Your food is my food and my food is my food. Did someone say steak?

Fear Me, for I am a Maine Coon Kitten. I am nearly a year old and my paws are nearly the size of my head. If you think I’m a tank now, just wait until I’ve reached full maturity at three years growth. You ain’t seen anything yet.

Love Me, for I am a Maine Coon Kitten: I am that animal that only comes to you once in a lifetime. And I have come home to you.