Snap! Crackle! Pop!

Friday, May 16, 2014

Snap, Crackle and Pop Here to See You
I know what you're thinking. I really do. You saw the title of this latest blog posting and your heart sank. "Bill Bird has gone commercial," you thought. "He's traded in his heirloom tomatoes for some kid's cereal!"

The shame, the shame of it all.

But that's the furthest thing from the truth. You see, this blog posting could be named many things. It could be called "Gardening Hurts." It could also be called "Gardening Season is Over," because both titles would represent the truth. Gardening does sometimes hurt. And gardening season, although it's just now getting underway for some folks, has come to a rather abrupt end in the Bird Back 40.

Nice toes! NOT!
At least -- that's the story for crazy blog writer Bill Bird. As for the wife that is Venus? She may carry on with her seed planting ways. Her faithful husband will watch her efforts from the patio with a beer in one hand and a sad smile. For the first time in years, I cannot join her. I can only sit and watch.

You've probably guessed by now that I'm not schlepping for some kid's cereal. That "Snap, Crackle, Pop" sound I heard last weekend was all too real. Unfortunately, I didn't hear it while pouring milk onto a kid's cereal (although I wish now that I had). I heard that sound while stepping off the sidewalk in the Bird Back 40 while moving a heavy wheelbarrow load of compost to the in-ground test gardening bed. Unfortunately again, the sound came from my right foot.

That wasn't right. Did I step on something perchance? No? Is that blood? Where did that blood come from?  From me? Those are the thoughts that first crossed my mind when I suddenly dropped that wheelbarrow load of gardening product and looked down. The bottom of my ankle began to ache. Which really isn't all that strange because at my age, after a weekend full of gardening, my feet not only REEK to high heaven they are also quite sore.

Life in a BOOT that Never Comes Off
But this was a different kind of sore. And the soreness grew into a pain that had me limping back to the garage and settling into the nearest chair. Something wasn't right. It wasn't until I tried to get back up some 30 minutes later (to attempt to resume gardening no less) did my ankle let me know that things were "not OK."

The hours following my little "garden accident" are still somewhat of a blur. I blame that on the numerous emergency room doctors and nurses that I visited that evening. For each one came armed with a horse-shaped pill, a glass of water and the instructions of: "Here, take this."

Percocet Fog
Since those pills made me feel somewhat better -- I had no problem with repeating the line of: "What? Another Percocet? For me? Sure!"

I would learn later that Percocet makes you somewhat happy and somewhat groggy. I don't really remember a lot of detail from those emergency room visits and followups with the Podiatrist, except that a partially torn Achilles Tendon and an aggravated bone spur in the heel are going to keep me out of action and in a lot of pain for quite some time.

I swore off the Percocet a few days back. I'll live with the pain instead. How people get addicted to prescription pain killers I'll never know. They just make me feel groggy and play all sorts of negative havoc with my digestive system. Plus, to be honest, I don't remember the pain ever really going away. I suppose it made the pain manageable, but given a choice, I'll opt for a clear mind and a painful foot any day of the week.

Off Limits! Verbotten! Do Not Pass Go!
And so -- that's it kids. The 2014 gardening season is finished for me. My number one love of life, other than the wife that is Venus, is off limits. There will be no digging in the dirt. There will be no weeding. There will be no fertilizing, no planting of seeds, no drip irrigation repair. Zip, nada, nothing.

There will only be this damn boot on my leg, a damn sore right heel bone and a cranky gardener who can only watch while others do.

I'll be honest with you. There's not much fun in that.


Rachel Cc said...

I just came across your blog! I am a newbie gardener from NorCal as well (but much south from you) and I have a TON to learn. Just reading a few of your posts is very informative! Sorry to hear about your injury...hoping for a speedy recovery!

Rox said...

I, too, came across your blog and very new to gardening. Just convinced the husband to tear up the backyard lawn to plant quite a few vegetables that were started by seed.

So sorry to hear about your injury, but, hopefully you can now be a "quarterback" gardener with plenty of time for blogging.

Great your writing voice...funny, entertaining and informative. Thank you.

Bill Bird said...

Thank you to both for your kind thoughts and best of luck this gardening season. I know you both will develop amazing green thumbs. Even if something doesn't work out or pan out -- don't give up. Gardening is so much trial and error -- but we learn a great deal through error -- and make sure not to repeat it.

Anonymous said...

Feel better Bill. Always look forward to your posts. Thanks for the tip on the strawberries. I ordered a bunch and planted under my young fruit trees and they are doing much better than other varieties that I have tried. We will see if i get to eat any of the berries once the bugs and birds get through with them.


Bill Bird said...

We just planted our second bunch of Shuksan Strawberries in the Duke Avocado tree bed this past weekend. Well, by "we" I mean Venus and my brother, Andy. I think it's the first time he's actually gardened since he was a teenager. But there were 20 new Shuksan plants to get into the ground and precious little time to get the job done. I sat and watched from a distance.

Jan said...

So sorry to hear about your injury! I have been following blog since moving back to the Sacramento area a few years ago. I hope you recover fast!

Bill Bird said...

Thank you Jan. The foot is getting better. I'm almost ready to hobble around without crutches. But this boot will remain on through the end of next week (Grr!). I'll find out in early June if the boot is ready to come off. The next date with the Podiatrist looms...