On the 26th Day...

That wonderful lady pictured to your immediate right said "I do."

Yes she did -- no matter how much she might try to deny it now.

You see -- I have it on tape.

A baseball fan -- check that -- a San Francisco GIANTS baseball fan knows the date of October 26, 2002 all too well. It's a day that will forever vex Giants fans. For -- on that day -- the Giants blew the 6th game of the World Series -- and would eventually lose to the Angels in seven.

It's also the day that Venus and Bill got married.

Ancient history you say? Perhaps. But I remember it like yesterday. I remember every moment. I even remember the steps leading up to said event.

I should remember them -- since I made plenty of mistakes. It's a wonder the lady didn't call the cops first.

I suppose an explanation is in order.

When I first placed my eyes upon this lady -- I was smitten forever. Never before -- and never again -- would my eyes be graced with such a lovely presence. My co-workers would later tell me that my jaw dropped to the floor -- but let's just call it what it is shall we?

Love at first sight.

However -- the first attempts to woo the lady that would become my wife were filled with one blunder after another. I didn't know her yet. I didn't know her likes. I didn't know her dislikes. I didn't know what pleased her. I didn't know what displeased her.

I only knew that I loved her.

Knowing her love for all things Spanish -- I thought a bit of poetry might be in order -- and immediately set out to find the most romantic poem -- written in Spanish -- that I could find.

Just one problem: I didn't know a lick of Spanish other than "Mas Cervasa por favor?" I still don't

Still -- I managed to run across something on the World Wide Web -- a long-dead Spanish poet described as the "Shakespeare of Spain."

"Aha," I thought. "Perfect!" And so I proceeded to copy this poem -- and send it to her with a vase full of flowers.

Her reaction was less than I desired.

The Spanish poet in question -- you see -- wrote about a Knight in Shining Armor that fell in love with a young lady and did his level best to woo her. The words of this 15th century poem -- roughly translated -- read "my love for you even pierces this suit of armor."

There's just one problem. What was written in the 15th century doesn't necessarily translate into the same thing in modern day times. Have you ever read Shakespeare? Better question: Have you ever understood what Shakespeare was writing about?

The Spanish word for a suit of armor is "Armas." It's also the same word used for "armed" or "gun."

So -- roughly translated in today's language -- what I sent to the woman I was so smitten with was: "I have a gun and I'm coming after you."

And you dare ask "how did you ever get married?"

Sometimes I wonder myself.