The Trap

Garden Porn

Gardening is indeed filled with them. I'm referring to "traps," of course. They are easy to fall into. They are hard to get out of. They are just as serious as the trap that many gardeners had fallen into before the onset of heirloom tomato madness.

Remember that trap? Remember, at one time, there were only three types of tomatoes? They were named Early Girl, Better Boy and ACE. Tomatoes were supposed to be red, remember? They were supposed to be perfectly round, do you recall that? Anything else was not a tomato. And so, you grew the same varieties year after year after year after year.

We simply didn't understand there was something better out there -- until we took that big jump -- that big leap of faith. Green tomatoes? Purple tomatoes? BLACK tomatoes?

Heirloom Tomato Seeds for the 2012 Garden!

Indeed!

This is indeed seed starting season for many tomato growers. Some have already planted. Even more will plant this weekend. Some may wait another week. But February is normally the "golden" month for tomato seed starting efforts on the Left Coast.

The trap that I am referring too is pictured all over in this blog posting. Mr. Postman has been stuffing our mail slot with lots and lots of tomato and vegetable porn lately. All catalogs carry the promise of big, beautiful heirloom tomatoes and a monster harvest. One good read and you can't wait for spring and planting season to arrive.

I can't do without Eva Purple Ball! I just CAN'T!

The trap springs shut when you begin to place your orders for the year. Heirloom growers are partial to certain varieties. Every heirloom tomato garden, for example, should include one or several different types of Brandywine. Don't dare pass on that Marianna's Peace! Black Krim is a must! And what about Bloody Butcher? Can you really do without a Kelloggs Breakfast?

It's very easy for heirloom tomato growers to start ordering the same varieties of heirlooms every single year. They did so well the year before, how can you possibly do without them? Suddenly, you begin to realize that you've fallen into the same trap and the same rut you were stuck in when you were under the mistaken belief that there were only three types of tomatoes: Round and Red.

Tatiana Kouchnareva, Tatiana's TOMATObase

It's very easy to stop experimenting with new varieties and stick with what is tried and true in your garden. Sure, you've expanded your base a little bit. But not nearly enough. There are literally THOUSANDS of varieties of heirloom and non-heirloom tomatoes. Tatiana's TOMATObase, for example, has an extensive listing of potato-leaf varieties. While some names are familiar, most are not.

Seed catalogs are sometimes helpful, but many times not. Many seed outlets offer the same type of seed for the same type of variety, year after year. They don't deviate much, even though they do service heirloom tomato growers. But they only scratch at the surface of what is truly available.

Cleota Pink Tomato

You're going to find a listing for Brandywine at Tomato Growers Supply, but a search for Cleota Pink won't yield much. The same holds true for Jagged Leaf, Kansas Depression, Burwood Prize or Gerig. These are ALL potato-leaf varieties of heirloom tomatoes. Finding seed sources for these varieties can be difficult. Google the names. See what comes up. Not much.

I'll be honest. I had nearly fallen into this trap. Sure -- I was growing heirloom tomatoes. But I found myself growing the same varieties year after year. There had to be space for a Brandywine. I couldn't do without a Campbell's 1327. A year without Druzba was a year without sunshine.

Gregory's Altai: A New Selection

See what I'm getting at? Where is the fun, excitement and discovery in growing the same varieties year after year after year? The point is -- there isn't any. And that is the trap.

So -- my pledge is this: I'm going to go without a few of the beloved varieties so I can continue experimenting in the garden. Yes, there will still be a Brandywine. But there will also be a Gregory's Altai. South Natomas grower Nels Christensen is also delivering a selection of seed featuring varieties I've never heard of before.

Change is a good thing. The trap will not spring shut this year.

Back to the Beginning...

My friends -- I've been gone too long!!!

Do not despair. I did not fall off a cliff (as some of you might have hoped). I did not fall through a Black Hole or Space-Time Loop thingy (so much for sounding smart).

The reason for my absence is that nasty six-word letter that is clearly demonstrated to your immediate right:

RENTAL

This is actually our first home. Our "Beginner's Permit" into the world of gardening and heirloom tomatoes if you will. This is where it all got started. And no -- it didn't always used to look quite this bleak. But -- this is how it looks today. It looks a tad lonely -- doesn't it? In need of a splash of color? Perhaps...

But if I had been relating my gardening experiences five or six years ago -- here is what the same area would have looked like. This is where the first foray into gardening experiments took place. The first heirloom tomatoes planted by Bill & Venus Bird in our postage stamp sized backyard were planted here.

It's here where I learned about a Brave New World called the Brandywine. It's here where I discovered that not all tomatoes are red. Some are green with yellow stripes. You could have knocked me over with a Better Boy starter plant when I learned that tomatoes come in every color of the rainbow and a whole lot more.

The picture to the left is the same area -- taken five or six years ago I believe. Quite a difference in color and attitude -- wouldn't you say? We didn't have a whole lot of room back then. I called our little backyard experiment a "postage-stamp sized backyard" because it was barely enough to contain everything I wanted.

But it wasn't enough. We managed to outgrow it rather quickly. Once I discovered -- and the wonderful wife that is Venus also discovered -- her magic green thumb -- well - it didn't take long before we started drafting plans to move our garden exploits into the front yard. And we would have done that too -- had not fate intervened with a new backyard for the ages.

It's a backyard that is still a "work in progress."

It hasn't received much attention lately either -- but that's another story for another day. The focus today is on the first yard and the first home -- because that's where Venus and I have been buried under gallons of new paint and cleaning supplies.

We never wanted to be landlords. The housing market decided that. We never wanted to open up the house to renters -- because some renters leave behind a royal, bloody mess. Our last renters did just that -- which forced us into action.

There used to be a time when I would encounter people who owned two homes and thought, "oh, you must be rich." HA! What a silly, terrible joke that is. The fact is -- joke is on me. We might have the slips on two pieces of property -- but we are right back where we started at square one: struggling to make ends meet at the end of every month.

Still -- there are renters who do believe that "Bill and Venus must be rich," which might explain the layer of crap they left behind. How two dogs could leave behind a 20-year layer of dog drool on a window after just one year of occupancy is beyond me.

But that was just the start.

The landscaping and drip irrigation that Venus and I had patiently installed through the years had been dug up and chewed on in various places. Every sprinkler that went into every raised bed -- or led to a tree or bush had been chewed up and digested. The only thing left was a scrap of tubing here and a scrap of tubing there. It appears that some attempt had been made to repair the damage -- with duct tape no less (it can fix anything, just ask MaGruder).

Oh -- yes -- lets not forget the mini-geyers that erupted in every corner of the backyard everytime the drip system was turned on. Those open holes can shoot a stream of water 20 feet high or 20 feet wide.

And they did.

But the damage to the backyard was only one part of the story. The previous renters loved nails. At least I think they had a love affair with them. I found them pounded by the dozen into nearly every wall. How many pictures or crap could two people hang in the course of a year? Where did those bullet holes come from? Are those really bullet holes?

I think that -- because of the misguided perception that rental owners are indeed "wealthy people," the previous renters may have mistakingly believed that we could just hire someone to patch and paint every square inch of 1600 square feet of space.

Well -- they're right! The painters are named Bill N' Venus. Nice to meet you two. Our painting experience? Yes -- we painted a beehive in the bright color of "Hello Kitty" pink. Any house painting experience? Us? Really? Uh -- no.

But this is what happens when you deal with perceptions that have no connection to reality.

Now -- I can tell you good people -- that Bill and Venus are indeed "house painters." Not good house painters mind you -- not hardly. It's why this blog hasn't been updated in a solid month.

But I can tell you that we now own the experience of painting an entire house from top to bottom -- from the ceiling to the baseboards. And I can tell you this much:

Kids -- don't do this at home.

Hire it out instead.

Remember -- you're a rental owner. Which means -- you're rich.

An Ode to the Beefsteak Tomato

It isn't pink. It's not yellow. It certainly isn't orange.

It doesn't rival the taste of a Brandywine. It doesn't provide the tastebud heaven that is the Black Cherry.

It's not warped like an heirloom. It doesn't come in different shapes and sizes like the Cosmonaut Volkov, Marianna's Peace or Druzba. You won't find it growing at a crazy 90 degree angle like a Zapotec Pleated

It just is. It's round. It's red. It doesn't crack. It's a tomato's tomato. It is your standard, non-fancy, hard-working, Beefsteak tomato. What type of Beefsteak you ask?

Nothing. Just Beefsteak.

Venus and I have the Beefsteak growing in the far right-hand corner of an 8X8 foot raised bed that is on the opposite side of the yard containing our six main 4X8 planter beds. We thought long and hard about what should go in this location, before the answer hit us like a bolt from the blue: "Why not another planter bed?" Boom! Done!

I'll be honest, there's nothing fancy about this tomato. It has a wonderful flavor to it -- but what vine-ripened tomato isn't wonderful tasting? It grows perfectly smooth round, red tomatoes. So -- how is this any different from a hybrid like Better Boy?

It's somewhat different in that this is an open-pollinated Beefsteak tomato. Unlike hybrids, which will fruit one main crop and then just sort of sit there and look pretty for another month or two, the Beefsteak keeps on truckin.' And, unlike a hybrid, this Beefsteak can be seeded and saved for next year's crop.

As you can tell -- this plant is simply loaded with bear. New fruit -- meanwhile -- continues to form at the bottom -- middle and top of this continiously growing plant. It's a simple tomato really. No cracks. No funny lines. No whoppers. No small fries.

It's just your standard tomato.

What's special about the Beefsteak then? Why write such prose? To some tomato afficiandos -- the world starts and ends with the Beefsteak tomato. My father-in-law is one such person. Oh sure -- he enjoys the colors that the tomato garden produces. But he dreams about tomato sandwiches and burgers topped with round, red, vine-ripened slices of the standard Beefsteak tomato. It's what he had as a boy. It's what he grew on "the ranch" in San Jose for years.

This is for you Gale Stromberg.

What else is amazing about this tomato? The cost. Quite simply, it cost us next to nothing to grow -- other than our time -- water and efforts. The seeds for this wonderful variety were discovered two years ago in a Dollar Store not all that far away from our North Natomas home.

It was there that Venus and I stumbled upon a garden rack of seeds -- ten packets for one dollar. We bought all we could -- including the packet of seeds contained the Beefsteak Tomato. That one dime will equal into about fifty-to-sixty pounds of production by the time this growing season is over.

Call it one of our "better" investments.

Just Say NO!!!!

Starter plants for the 2009 Tomato Garden? They're here? Already? Seriously? You've got to be kidding! Right?

Gardening Guys N' Gals -- follow Nancy Reagan's good advice: JUST SAY NO!

I must say I was more than intrigued when I received a rather worried email from a rather worried "Pam" in Elk Grove this past weekend. She had been doing some shopping at a nearby Box Store, when she saw THEM.

Yes -- THEM!

THEM -- as in tomato starter plants! Out on display! In Elk Grove! In FEBRUARY! Not just any starter plants either, but her favorites: EARLY GIRL.

And so Pam did what many growers are doing right now, and should not be doing. Pam bought herself some starter plants.

In February no less. And she bought them just in time for ten solid days of rain and cold, wet, yucky weather in the Sacramento Valley.

Intrigued by her email and her request from help, I decided to visit my own "Big Box" store in North Natomas -- the men's toy store -- Home Depot -- to see if what Pam had told me was really true.

Guess what? It's true!

When I walked into the garden section this weekend -- lo and behold -- there I found rack after rack of brand new tomato starter plants. There you could find Early Girls by the hundreds, Better Boys, Big Beefs, Celebrities and even cherry varieties like Yellow Pear.

And it wasn't just tomatoes! Cucumber starter plants were on display! Pepper plants! Bell peppers! Habanero hot peppers! Artichoke starter plants! Herb starter plants!

In short, there was the summer garden, on display and ripe for the taking and purchasing. And I was rather distressed to see that many customers were taking and purchasing on the day that I visited.

But -- there's just one problem.

It ain't summer folks. Not even close. It's still winter. And Mother Nature could have a wallop in store for us for the next month and a half. Then again, the skies could clear and spring sunshine could emerge. It's happened before, right? It could happen again, right? Well, yes and no.

Point is -- we just don't know.

But -- the lesson here gardening fanatics is this: Just Say NO! Don't buy that starter plant. Don't buy that BIG BEEF tomato starter plant, no matter how good it looks or how delicious that tomato in the picture looks. It's a lie. And, if you "buy now," chances are you'll be forced to "buy later" to replace the plant that died from lack of heat, or got drowned from non-stop rain.

Just because the Big Box stores have the plants out now, doesn't mean that you have to buy them. Don't worry. They're not going to run out. I guarantee you that the Early Girls, Better Boys, Big Beefs and other lip-smacking varieties are still going to be in good supply later this spring, when it really IS time for planting.

Just don't jump the gun.

From experience I know that there are two possible scenarios that could result from BUYING and then PLANTING a starter plant in the backyard when it's still this cold and wet.

SCENARIO 1: The plant just sits in the ground. It doesn't look happy. It doesn't grow. It's freezing its pretty little pitooty (do tomato plants have pitooties?) off and isn't going to do a thing for at least a month or two, until the weather warms up. At that point, it will start growing. And this will only happen if you're very lucky.

SCENARIO 2: The plant just sits in the ground. It's very unhappy. It's FREEZING. And suddenly, Mr. Freezing Tomato Plant meets Mr. Airborne Virus. The two sort of join hands, and then you're really in trouble. Mr. Airborne Virus not only adopts your tomato starter plant, but thrives when it warms up and spreads to other starter plants you have planted nearby. Finally, at some point in mid-to-late June, your entire tomato crop kicks the proverbial bucket.

Think that's funny? It's not. It happened to me once -- yes ME! Just because I write a gardening blog doesn't make me Mr. Perfect when it comes to the subject of tomato plants. Just ask the 50-60 starter plants that I managed to kill last spring when I put them outside too soon and they keeled over in one day from too much exposure.

And trust me, having witnessed this in person before, you don't want to watch an entire tomato crop meet its unfortunate end to some nasty disease that could have been avoided to start with. While it's true that Sacramento is home to some of the best growing conditions in the world when it comes to growing tomatoes, we're also cursed with every tomato pest -- airborne and soilborne -- under the sun.

So -- remember -- the lesson for today is JUST SAY NO. And "Pam" in "Elk Grove" is keeping her starter plants indoors -- on a windowsill -- until the proper planting time arrives.