Color me GREEN

ENVY is thy name. Glad to meet you.

One day after posting up some rather tempting pictures of our little tomato and pepper stater plant grow operation (which I was quite proud of mind you) -- well -- someone just had to pop that balloon.

What a mighty big PIN that was. The air in that balloon? Gone!

Listen -- I know there's some section of the Ten Commandments that says something along the lines of "Shall Not Covet Your Neighbor's Donkey" (among other things) -- but do you think the Good Lord in Heaven would apply that to -- say -- a neighbor's tomato starter plants?

He would? Dang. Major disappointment.

Well then -- I won't "covet." I'll just drool from a distance then. What do you mean by "that's the same thing as "covet?" How about admire? Is that OK?

I can't help but feeling this way after looking at some pictures of the tomato plants that Farmer Fred Hoffman has growing in that great big greenhouse of his. I mean -- we both planted seeds at right about the same time. But my tiny seedlings just do not compare to the California Coastal Redwood starters to the immediate left.

Those suckers are HUGE! Sure -- they're a tad "leggy." Who cares! Look at the stem growth on those things. Anyone who grows starter plants from direct seed would KILL for stem development like that.

Well -- perhaps "kill" is the wrong choice of words here. Drool? No -- I already used that. We'll stick with "admire" then.

So what gives? Why are Fred's starter plants that much larger? That much more lush? Well -- even though I don't have one and can't say for sure -- that nice greenhouse has to play some kind of role here. It's not the only thing -- to be sure. Fred's been at this game a little bit longer than I have -- a little bit longer than most of us.

The last time I spoke with Fred about tomato starter plants? Well -- let's see? It's been at least a month and a half. At that point in time -- many of my seeds had sprouted. Fred indicated that he was having germination problems. So -- at one point -- I was ahead in this game here.

Obviously -- something has changed between "then" and "now." Those pictures are fairly dramatic. As much as I've learned from him -- I also know that I have a long way to go. No -- I don't have a greenhouse. I don't have that advantage yet.

But it's more than "just a greenhouse." It's the expertise that comes with using a greenhouse in the correct matter -- or the right soil solution -- or the right fertilizer. The tomato starter plants in question will send you a message -- telling you what they really need.

It's up to you to "read the leaves."

It's just a guess on my part of course -- but something tells me Fred Hoffman is pretty darn proficient in this langauge.

Am I buttering him up in hopes that he'll cut loose with some starter plants? Of course! I'm not stupid! But it's more than that. In looking at the photos he provided?

I still have a lot to learn.

As we move into the prime tomato growing season that is summer -- a lot of this argument will become moot. Yes -- you can start tomatoes early. But those that are started later invariably catch up to the plants started indoors. In other words -- if you compare the two plants at the end of the summer? It will be tough to tell them apart.

That's why the lovely wife that is Venus and I will be doing a lot of direct seeding this weekend. More on the "direct seed" option in a future post.

The Kids Are Alright...

For those of you who are as "Mathematically Challenged" (Dumb as Rocks) as I am -- please answer the following question:

When do three flats containing 72 tomato and pepper starter plants suddenly equal nine flats and 216 tomato and pepper starter plants?

If you answered "second planting," WRONG!

But if you guessed that the wonderful wife that is Venus and I got a little *ahem* "generous" with our seed distribution efforts in those first three flats? DING! You're ready for Alex Trebek.

What do you win if you answered the math question correctly? Let me check my supply of used cat hair -- and I'll get back to you on that. Vanna White -- I'm not.

I thought that Venus and I would be a tad late with our tomato and pepper plant starters this year (we started our seeds on the weekend after the Super Bowl) -- but our local weather has been more than highly unpredictable. It's been downright pathetic.

At this point last year? Venus and I had already received our starter plants courtesy of Farmer Fred Hoffman and half had already been planted. Why did someone as famous as Fred Hoffman "volunteer" to grow starter plants for our North Natomas farm? Does a hearty contribution to the Hoffman Foundation of Fine Scotch begin to answer that question?

But this year -- contribution or no -- the decision was made to strike out on our own. My decision? Oh -- HECK NO! I begged and pleaded on bended knee for another starter plant offering from the Hoffman estate. I even entertained the thought of enlisting the support of the Sacramento branch of Al Qaeda to change Fred's line of thinking -- but alas -- we were on our own.

See? This is what happens. The happy North Natomas gardeners start with three simple trays containing 24 cells each. Two months later? I'm seriously considering knocking out one of the bedroom walls in an attempt to gain more growing space. Heirloom tomatoes make you crazy. Not wives -- tomatoes.

But -- so far -- everything is working. In fact -- I'm more than a little surprised by the results of our plant separation efforts. We didn't do anything fancy mind you. When the time finally came to separate plants -- Venus and I literally tore them out of each cell and then re-planted into new trays. End result? Take a good look. The trays containing the transplants are actually doing BETTER than the trays that contain the original plantings.

How is this happening? Why is this happening? I'm not sure. The jury-rigged -- excuse me -- professional light system setup we're using is just extensive enough to cover three trays. The problem is -- we have nine. Those that are closest to the light source should be doing better.

But they're not. The transplants furthest from the light source have actually grown at a faster rate and look healthier than the starter plants that were not rudely ripped from their homes and transplanted into another tray.

We didn't change our methods much during the transplant process -- a job that we undertook in stages. We used the same "Black Gold" seed starter mix that we used for the first three trays. I continue to fertilize my seedlings with a weak mixture of a liquid organic fertilizer called Omega 2000

So what gives? I'm not sure. For those of you who are visiting the blog for the first time expecting expert advice -- I'm really sorry to tell you that not only are you going to be sorely disappointed -- but you've come to the wrong place. Despite what you may have read recently in your local newspaper -- about the only expertise I have is in the consumption of fine gin that comes from a plastic bottle.

What I can tell you is this: There are 216 tomato, pepper and eggplant starters that are growing in a spare bedroom. Instead of just two varieties of each heirloom tomato starter -- I suddenly find myself with four or five. Instead of one or two varieties of peppers (sweet, hot and VOLCANIC) -- there are six.

I suppose I could plant all 216 starter plants in my backyard. But -- at last check -- I still hadn't gotten around to building raised beds on the roof of our home. Therefore -- yes it's true -- Venus and I will be parting with a great many of our plants when the time comes.

This is provided -- of course -- that I don't kill them all off during the hardening process. What's that? Can that possibly happen? Does gin come in a plastic bottle???

Just Say NO!!!!

Starter plants for the 2009 Tomato Garden? They're here? Already? Seriously? You've got to be kidding! Right?

Gardening Guys N' Gals -- follow Nancy Reagan's good advice: JUST SAY NO!

I must say I was more than intrigued when I received a rather worried email from a rather worried "Pam" in Elk Grove this past weekend. She had been doing some shopping at a nearby Box Store, when she saw THEM.

Yes -- THEM!

THEM -- as in tomato starter plants! Out on display! In Elk Grove! In FEBRUARY! Not just any starter plants either, but her favorites: EARLY GIRL.

And so Pam did what many growers are doing right now, and should not be doing. Pam bought herself some starter plants.

In February no less. And she bought them just in time for ten solid days of rain and cold, wet, yucky weather in the Sacramento Valley.

Intrigued by her email and her request from help, I decided to visit my own "Big Box" store in North Natomas -- the men's toy store -- Home Depot -- to see if what Pam had told me was really true.

Guess what? It's true!

When I walked into the garden section this weekend -- lo and behold -- there I found rack after rack of brand new tomato starter plants. There you could find Early Girls by the hundreds, Better Boys, Big Beefs, Celebrities and even cherry varieties like Yellow Pear.

And it wasn't just tomatoes! Cucumber starter plants were on display! Pepper plants! Bell peppers! Habanero hot peppers! Artichoke starter plants! Herb starter plants!

In short, there was the summer garden, on display and ripe for the taking and purchasing. And I was rather distressed to see that many customers were taking and purchasing on the day that I visited.

But -- there's just one problem.

It ain't summer folks. Not even close. It's still winter. And Mother Nature could have a wallop in store for us for the next month and a half. Then again, the skies could clear and spring sunshine could emerge. It's happened before, right? It could happen again, right? Well, yes and no.

Point is -- we just don't know.

But -- the lesson here gardening fanatics is this: Just Say NO! Don't buy that starter plant. Don't buy that BIG BEEF tomato starter plant, no matter how good it looks or how delicious that tomato in the picture looks. It's a lie. And, if you "buy now," chances are you'll be forced to "buy later" to replace the plant that died from lack of heat, or got drowned from non-stop rain.

Just because the Big Box stores have the plants out now, doesn't mean that you have to buy them. Don't worry. They're not going to run out. I guarantee you that the Early Girls, Better Boys, Big Beefs and other lip-smacking varieties are still going to be in good supply later this spring, when it really IS time for planting.

Just don't jump the gun.

From experience I know that there are two possible scenarios that could result from BUYING and then PLANTING a starter plant in the backyard when it's still this cold and wet.

SCENARIO 1: The plant just sits in the ground. It doesn't look happy. It doesn't grow. It's freezing its pretty little pitooty (do tomato plants have pitooties?) off and isn't going to do a thing for at least a month or two, until the weather warms up. At that point, it will start growing. And this will only happen if you're very lucky.

SCENARIO 2: The plant just sits in the ground. It's very unhappy. It's FREEZING. And suddenly, Mr. Freezing Tomato Plant meets Mr. Airborne Virus. The two sort of join hands, and then you're really in trouble. Mr. Airborne Virus not only adopts your tomato starter plant, but thrives when it warms up and spreads to other starter plants you have planted nearby. Finally, at some point in mid-to-late June, your entire tomato crop kicks the proverbial bucket.

Think that's funny? It's not. It happened to me once -- yes ME! Just because I write a gardening blog doesn't make me Mr. Perfect when it comes to the subject of tomato plants. Just ask the 50-60 starter plants that I managed to kill last spring when I put them outside too soon and they keeled over in one day from too much exposure.

And trust me, having witnessed this in person before, you don't want to watch an entire tomato crop meet its unfortunate end to some nasty disease that could have been avoided to start with. While it's true that Sacramento is home to some of the best growing conditions in the world when it comes to growing tomatoes, we're also cursed with every tomato pest -- airborne and soilborne -- under the sun.

So -- remember -- the lesson for today is JUST SAY NO. And "Pam" in "Elk Grove" is keeping her starter plants indoors -- on a windowsill -- until the proper planting time arrives.