The Lil' Punkin' That Could

Yes -- this is a blog posting about pumpkins. Yes -- I realize that Halloween has come and gone. No I am not insane. Although the wife might argue on that point a tad.

Speaking of my lovely bride -- there she is in all of her gorgeous beauty next to her brand spankin' new Zutano Avocado tree. The Zutano -- which we planted and securely staked over the weekend -- replaces the Bacon Avocado tree which I managed to slowly kill over the course of 18 months.

Why am I putting up a picture of my lovely wife next to a Zutano Avocado tree during a post about all things pumpkins? Did you not read that part about insanity in the first paragraph? Actually -- it's because Cindy Shea -- aka "The Vintage Vignette" -- requested one.

Blog Rule #1: Don't let The Vintage Vignette down.

OK -- let the silliness end. Time to get onto more serious things -- like planning our Thanksgiving dessert menu. If you're guessing that Pumpkin Pie might be on that menu -- then you've read the wife's mind. But not just ANY pie mind you -- but a pumpkin pie featuring this pumpkin from the backyard.

This was my first year for growing pumpkins. An old high school friend who lives in Southern California assured me that if I had to room to grow watermelon and cantaloupe vines -- I most certainly had room for pumpkins.

Whaddya know? Dan Breen was right on the money.

Actually -- to be brutally honest -- our pumpkin growing efforts were mostly a bust this summer. The first one actually ripened up just in time for Halloween: in early July. We left it on the vine for far too long -- but somehow it managed to survive the hot summer and almost daily attacks from the Vole City that populated my "test garden bed" in the Back 40.

I will admit -- the Voles got to a lot of my pumpkins AND watermelons AND cantaloupes this summer. But I got the final revenge -- as the Voles grew so fat that they became easy pickings for our Hunter-Killer cat named "Precious." She was more than happy to drag fattened, rat-sized creatures into the house -- still alive mind you -- so she could proudly proclaim: "VOLE! IT'S WHAT'S FOR DINNER!!!"

The wife was -- uh -- less than impressed.

But back to the subject in question. The Voles managed to leave just two pumpkins alone long enough to survive. And those pumpkins -- in turn -- were harvested -- seeded and carved for Halloween! But as we were combing through our most sincere of pumpkin patches -- we stumbled across this.... this.... thing.

It was a pumpkin, yes. But it was still green! Can you carve a green pumpkin? Are there laws against that? Since we already had two carved pumpkins for the kids at Halloween -- it was Venus that made the decision. She issued a stay of execution. A temporary stay I might add.

Her thinking -- which was right on the money -- was that this green pumpkin just might ripen in time for our Thanksgiving Dinner Spectacular -- starring every annoying member of each family possible -- plus a few misfits from our Club Raven hangout downtown.

Sure enough -- as the days stretched into November -- our green pumpkin turned a bright shade of orange on the bottom. It was a color that slowly spread to the top. It's a process that continues to this very moment. The pictures in this posting are about a week old and still show a considerable amount of green color. That's fading fast.

As much as I would like -- I cannot tell you which variety of this pumpkin is. I know it's not a Dills Atlantic Giant -- so we can rule that out. That leaves two other varieties of seed that Venus purchased earlier this summer from Lockhart Seeds in Stockton. This might be a member of the "Hallow Queen" Family -- or it could also belong to the "Howden" Clan.

Since the bees were busy as bees this summer cross-pollinating the pumpkin seeds that were planted tightly together -- this could also be a cross. I suspect -- from the pictures I've seen -- that this is probably a Howden. But who really knows? Who cares?

So -- how does one make a pumpkin pie from scratch using a gourd that Vole City desperately tried to dine on through the fall and summer months? I do have some ideas -- which are probably wrong of course. Venus loves to point that out.

But -- if you're in the mood for homemade pumpkin pie next week -- and you're in the neighborhood -- please remember to stop on by. Unless -- however -- you're a Vole. If that's the case -- you've already had your fill.

Death of an Avocado (Salesman)

OK -- this isn't going to work. So -- I'm going to put a stop to this right now. I was trying to be a little silly -- you see -- with the pun based on the Pulitzer Prize winning play "Death of a Salesman," when I realized this just wasn't going to work.

Besides -- my Avocado tree isn't named "Willy." It's a "Bacon." How do you reconcile "Willy" with "Bacon?"

Short answer: You can't.

The only thing the two items have in common is that playwright Arthur Miller kills off character Willy Loman at the end of the play. And I have managed to kill a Bacon Avocado tree. My story doesn't have nearly the drama. But it does have a rather sad ending.

This blog posting is to let other gardeners know that Bill Bird isn't perfect. His wife -- however -- is. She made me write that. Seriously.

No -- in all honesty -- all I ever do is blog about my gardening successes. I haven't told you about my NUMEROUS and EPIC gardening failures (except maybe that time when I hacked into the wrong PVC pipe...) -- and trust me -- I've had my fair share of FLOPS.

The Bacon Avocado tree -- sadly -- falls into the category of FLOP. I haven't dug it up yet. But it's a goner -- much to Venus' chagrin. She's the one that's just wild about Avocados. She can't get enough of them.

I will be honest. The wife does make a killer guacamole. And this is from a gardener who really isn't wild about guaca-anything. However -- my lovely wife was inspired by a recent trip to Rosarito Beach in Baja, California. That is where she discovered a guacamole caused her eyeballs to literally roll back into her skull.

She had to have the recipe -- and after getting a few tips from a restaurant owner in nearby Primo Tapia -- she managed to reproduce a pretty good facsimile of what we had dined on south of the border. The next step? A tree. Venus wanted her own Avocado tree -- so she could pick tree-ripened avocados for her special guacamole creation during the Super Bowl and other family gatherings.

To be honest? I didn't know much about growing Avocados. In fact, I don't think I'd ever even noticed an Avocado tree. Did they grow this far north? I had no clue. But thanks to some rather great friends at the California Rare Fruit Growers (CRFG) Association -- I not only discovered that Avocados grew well here -- but what varieties did the best.

Yes -- Virginia -- there is more than just the standard Haas Avocado that you find in your local grocery store. There are more varieties than you can shake an avocado pit at. There are Mexican varieties and there are Guatemalan varieties. There are avocados for warm weather climates and there are varieties for cold weather climates.

So -- after some research and some good advice from those "in the know," I felt rather confident when I purchased my Bacon Avocado tree at Home Depot a year ago last summer. I didn't pay much attention to the knot that developed at the base of tree a few months later. I even ignored the light black streaks that developed on some of the lower branches last fall.

The first indication that something really wasn't right was when the tree failed to grow a single inch this summer. Oh -- it grew a new crop of leaves sure enough. It leafed out just fine. It just didn't grow much -- if at all. But as light black streaks on the bottom branches of the tree grew darker and slowly moved up toward the top -- I knew something was wrong.

Then -- the other day -- I noticed this. This is the very top of the Bacon Avocado tree. Notice the lack of leaves? Notice the black color of the tip top of the tree? That ain't normal folks. There should be some leaf cover there. That tip should be green in color. It's not. It's not going to turn green either. The top of the tree is dying. In another week or four it will be dead -- and that black death will slowly envelop the rest of the tree if I allow it to stay in ground.

Don't worry -- it won't stay in the ground. It has an impending date with the Green Waste Can.

If the slowly blackening tip of the tree isn't enough proof of impending Bacon Avocado DEATH -- then this branch just below the tip should serve as the kicker. This is a month or two of the ahead of the top of the tree -- which means it's DEAD. Yup. And like a dead twig -- it snaps in two with relative ease.

So -- what went wrong? What is this BLACK DEATH infecting the wife's Bacon Avocado tree? As for the answer to the first question -- I don't know. I honestly cannot tell you what went wrong. I can tell you that the tree got the best soil. It received the best fertilzer. It never once sat in standing water. It received regular irrigation of fresh, clean Sacramento and American River water.

What then, is this Black Death? The answers arrived in the form of a helpful information page from UC Davis. Venus' poor Bacon Avocado tree is infected with not just one nasty disease but two! The names of both are just as nasty as the pictures -- Dothiorella Canker and Phytophthora Canker and Crown Rot.

Yeah -- the Bacon is cooked. It's a goner. It's not going to get any better.

I'm off to Green Acres nursery now to roam around in the dark for a Zutano. Wish me luck!

Our Lady at Work

The Autumn months of October and November are proving to be a real show-stopper in our North Natomas Back 40 in terms of outright color production.

The rose bushes planted in "strategic" areas around the yard are just going nuts with colorful production. I've already highlighted two of them on this blog (Scentimental and Venus' favorite, Saint Patrick). Now it's time for another that simply tugged on the wife's heartstrings the moment she saw it pictured in a Jackson and Perkins catalog.

Gentle gardeners -- I give you -- Our Lady of Guadalupe.

If you're beginning to figure out that Venus is a certifiable Catholic -- that would be a mighty fine guess!

What's the difference between a normal Catholic and a "certifiable" Catholic?

Don't ask!

But -- back to the subject. I know from experience -- mind you -- that what looks great in a Jackson and Perkins or Weeks catalog doesn't necessarily transfer into the same success at home in the front or back yards. There's a lot of work that goes into making a rose bush look "picture perfect," and sometimes that rose just doesn't look like what was pictured.

Then -- there are cases of "dumb luck." Put Bill Bird in that category.

Venus and I purchased Our Lady of Guadalupe soon after moving into our first North Natomas home in 2003. The selling point? For Venus, obviously, it was the name. But she also liked the fact that Our Lady of Guadalupe had been "blessed by the Diocese of Los Angeles, and proceeds from the sale of the rose supported Hispanic College Fund scholarships."

So -- I wasn't one to argue. I purchased the rose. I gave it a prime spot in our first home against a fence. The rose got nice amounts of compost, fertlizer and water. And this rose responded to that wonderful and loving care by promptly FLOPPING during its first five years.

And Gentle gardeners -- I mean this one really just FLOPPED. How do you put it in gardening terms? Latin Terms? "Stinkus Alottus?"

What went wrong? I'm not sure. It just didn't grow all that well. It was one of the smallest Floribunda roses I'd ever seen -- never growing beyond a height of two or three feet. Oh sure, it would produce some nice roses. But it was hidden away -- blocked by other roses located in the front and the side -- other roses that performed -- well -- much better to be brutally honest.

When Venus and I made the move to our new North Natomas compound with a backyard actually large enough to turn around in -- the decision was made to bring some of the existing roses from the old yard over to the new yard. We had overplanted anyway at the old yard -- so why not?

But -- in my opinion -- the rose named "Our Lady of Guadalupe" didn't make the cut. "It's too small," I told Venus. "I'll buy you something else."

She promptly delivered the universally recognized, one-finger "Gardener's Salute" to inform me that I'd -- uh -- lost the argument.

It just goes to show that I should listen to my wife more often.

I'm not sure what I did right this time around -- nor what I did wrong last time. But I can tell you that Our Lady of Guadalupe immediately responded in a positive way to the new digs. It grew to a height of three feet during its first year after transplant. This year? It's slowly approaching the five foot mark. I've never witnessed such a lavish display out of this rose bush before.

Since rose bushes like this one normally take three years before putting on a really good show -- I can only imagine what will happen next year.

Our Lady of Guadalupe attracts a number of beneficial insects to the garden -- including bees -- although the bees in the nearby, neon-pink, "Hello Kitty" hive don't pay it much attention (no, they're not retarded, but I might be).

Garden Thrills N' Chills

I hate these guys. I really do.

I mean -- with a passion.

The wife that is Venus? She doesn't share my disgust. She doesn't share my fear of the BLACK WIDOW. "Live and Let Live" is the wife's motto. As long as the "living" part isn't done in her house. Heaven forbid the thought.

The spiders -- however -- can have the outside.

But for me? The Black Widow spider is something to be feared -- despised and eliminated. I'm not sure why I feel that way. I'm fortunate in that I've never been bitten by one. I know people who have -- everyone does. But it's a gardening experience that I do not want to share at this time thank you.

If you didn't notice -- the Year of 2009 was a pretty big one for Black Widow Spiders. I saw one recent television report about the emergence of the Brown Widow Spider in the Sacramento area. "It's just like the Black Widow Spider," the reporter told us. "Except the bite is twice as strong and the venom is ten times worse."

Great. Haven't found any Brown Widows where I am yet. Maybe the Black Widows will keep them out.

Despite my efforts to keep the house and yard as "spider free" as possible -- some always survive. This lucky lady did -- despite my nightly forays around the house -- armed with a flashlight and a can of RAID. I'm happy to report that I eliminated my share of Black Widows -- but somehow I missed the big MOTHER. Nope, Mother Nature did her in. A recent blast of cold weather was enough to bring her out of hiding (and I helped with a blast of RAID).

Somehow -- I missed her -- even though she was located very close to the sliding glass door. That means this plump lady got a full spring and summer to raise lots and lots of brood.

Great...

We grow them big here in North Natomas. Most of this was nothing but fertile farmland a few short years ago. The soil may have been churned up and cemented over -- but the farmland creatures who called this area home survived that intrusion. I've seen some monstrous Black Widows during my six years here -- much bigger than anything I ever witnessed while growing up on Ribier Avenue in Modesto -- or later while I was attending college or working in Fresno.

We had spiders -- yes. We even had our share of Black Widow spiders. But nothing like I've seen in North Natomas. These suckers are big. These suckers are scary.

Despite my ever vigilant efforts to eradicate this spider from the yard -- I know all too well that I didn't get them all. I got my fair share -- especially with those who built webs and homes right next to our house. But I know I missed some.

Which means the Black Widow will be back for more next summer. You can count on it.

Happy Halloween...

The Good, The Bad, The Lip-Smackers...

I'll be honest -- there are a lot of favorites that came out of Tomato 2009. I normally describe these postings as "the best" and "the worst." But I can't do that this year.

To be perfectly honest -- there are no entries for "the worst" because I really didn't have any.

Well -- on second thought -- if you count those horrid starter plants that I purchased this spring from Whole Foods . . . . Yeah -- those plants. The starter plants that grew two inches? Yeah -- those.

Other than that -- it was a barnstorming year in the Backyard of Bird. We have the saved products to prove it. Venus always wanted a pantry in the kitchen. Little did she know that she would fill up half of it with home grown produce.

We have enough to keep us and the entire neighborhood in salsa -- tomato sauce -- whole tomatoes -- etc.

Enough of that. On with the favorites already!

Before we get started -- a small point about the ratings system. I will give the names of the favorites that performed exceptionally well this summer -- the source of the seed -- and then a little bit about each variety.

For the most part? The starter plants provided by Farmer Fred Hoffman tended to do the best. This is a blanket statement so to speak. Some did exceptionally well. Others did OK. But his starter plants did better than mine for the most part -- although I did get a few winners and you'll hear about those.

Just because I like to brag.

OK then? Onward and upward to Bill & Venus' favorite tomatoes from 2009!

FAVORITE TOMATOES: By "favorite tomatoes" I mean the "most productive" and the "best tasting" from the garden. Ranked in order of "lip-smacking goodness."

1. MARIANNA'S PEACE: Hands down, this is a clear winner from the Back 40 in North Natomas. Seed Source: Totally Tomatoes. Starter plants grown by Fred Hoffman. This is my third year for growing this wonderful, potato-leaf variety. And we must have done something right this year. This was by far the tastiest, and most productive, variety to come out of the garden this summer. Marianna's Peace produced pink, saucer-sized tomatoes in the 1 and 1.5 lb. range all summer long and it's still producing ripened tomatoes in October. One bite of this time-honored treasure is a trip to a tomato lover's paradise. This is a must-have for any garden. It will get a prime spot in the garden next year.

2. ARKANSAS TRAVELER: Seed Source: Seeds of Change. Starter plants grown by Fred Hoffman. This was a new and unique introduction to the garden this year. Impulse seed packet purchase from Capital Nursery -- and a real winner in the garden this year in terms of TASTE and production. Arkansas Traveler produces a BRIGHT RED tomato -- an almost neon-red color that is brighter than any red tomato I've seen. Unlike many heirlooms -- Arkansas Traveler tomatoes are round -- red -- pleasing to the eye and resist cracking or concentric circles around the top and bottom. It's also resistant to Blossom End Rot. The taste is unique. It's not quite as good as Marianna's Peace -- but a treat just the same.

3. LEMON BOY: Seed Source: Fred Hoffman. Starter plants grown by Fred Hoffman. Lemon Boy was probably the most prolific tomato in the garden in terms of outright production. It wasn't unusual to harvest 30-t0-40 tomatoes at a time during peak production. This is Venus' favorite tomato variety for the Heirloom Tomato Martini thanks to a rich -- sweet taste and aroma. Known for producing medium sized tomatoes -- our starter plant delivered more than a few in the 1 lb. range. This was a highly desired tomato that wound up in jars of canned tomatoes and sauce mixes for salsa and other creations. This was my second or third year for growing Lemon Boy. I will grow it again.

4. COSMONAUT VOLKOV: Seed Source: Pinetree Garden Seeds. Starter plants grown by Fred Hoffman. This is another red variety that knocked our socks off in terms of early season production and incredibly rich taste. The Cosmonaut Volkov is yet another Russian introduction to the American fascination with heirloom tomatoes -- and is yet more proof that Eastern Europe has something special going on with the creation of special tomato plant hybrids. The Cosmonaut Volkov grew and produced at an exponential rate throughout the spring and summer before petering out a bit in September. Still -- I will not hesitate to grow this fantastic variety again.

5. BRANDYWINE: Seed Source: Totally Tomatoes. Starter plants grown by Fred Hoffman. I just knew it was going to be a special year for tomatoes in the garden when I watched a single vine from this one plant set eight tomatoes. I don't think I picked eight tomatoes from last year's Brandywine plant alone last year. Vines were just loaded with production and a few weighed in at just over 1 lb. While not quite as productive as the other potato-leaf variety in the garden -- Marianna's Peace -- I have no complaints. This is the most productive Brandywine tomato plant I've seen come out of the garden since 2004. That was a long time ago folks -- and I've spent the past five years trying to duplicate that 2004 success. This year? I finally did. Brandywine gets a deserved home in next year's tomato garden.

GREAT TOMATOES: It's tough to pick a top five or six plants when you've got ten to 15 that fit into that category. That was my problem this year. These varieties didn't make the Top 5 for whatever reason -- but they were darn close.

1. AZOYCHKA: Seed Source: Totally Tomatoes. Starter plants grown by Fred Hoffman. This is yet another Russian variety that delivered a knockout punch of early production -- fell off a bit during mid-season -- then rebounded with a nice harvest of late season tomatoes. Production fell off so much in late July and early August that I thought the plant had died. Azoychka looks a lot like Lemon Boy in that it's yellow in color -- but that's the only comparison. To me? Azoychka tastes like BACON! It has a wonderful, smoky taste that is perfect for one of my favorite sandwiches: Grilled Turkey Bird. Mmmmmm....BACON!

2. BEEFSTEAK: Seed Source: American Seed. Impulse purchase at a Dollar Tree for ten cents. Starter plants grown by Bill & Venus Bird. Beefsteak is a hands down winner in terms of outright production -- coming very close to hanging with Lemon Boy and Marianna's Peace in terms of plant production and size. One Beefsteak plant produced nearly 100 perfectly round, red tomatoes with no hint of Blossom End Rot or disease. However, the one drawback that puts Beefsteak into this category is: TASTE. Don't get me wrong! It's wonderful! But -- it just does not compare to the eyeball-roll-back-into-the-head moment that other heirlooms provide. However -- it gets a well-deserved home in the garden again next summer.

3. KELLOGG'S BREAKFAST: Seed Source: Gary Ibsen's Tomatofest. Starter plants grown by Fred Hoffman. Some make the argument -- and a good one at that -- that the Kellogg's Breakfast is the most outstanding heirloom tomato every hybridized in terms of taste. This year's entry was good -- no doubt -- but it just didn't have the production that the other plants delivered. Blossom End Rot was another problem that seemed to affect this tomato -- but did not affect the Brandywine planted just two feet away. This is how good a year it was in the Backyard of Bird. I have NEVER had a Kellogg's Breakfast this productive. I've never harvested the number of KB tomatoes that I harvested this year. But -- other plants simply did better. In most years? This would get a top five rating. Not this year.

4. DRUZBA: Seed Source: Totally Tomatoes. Starter plants grown by Fred Hoffman. In a word? Druzba DELIVERS. It is one of the most reliable and productive heirlooms that I've ever planted -- yet unlike some heirlooms -- you can always count on Druzba to deliver a large and tasty crop of round, red tomatoes. The plant is somewhat susceptible to blight and blossom end rot problems, and I battled both this year. But it wasn't unusual to harvest ten to 15 ripened tomatoes during the peak harvest months of July and October.

5. CAMPBELL'S 1327: Seed Source: Totally Tomatoes. Starter plants grown by Fred Hoffman and Bill & Venus Bird. Campbell's 1327 was last year's favorite out of the garden in terms of outright production and taste. Not a thing changed this year. So why isn't it in the Top 5 or closer to the top of this list? I told you that I had an outstanding year. This is how far it dropped. When everything goes right in the garden -- the old processing tomato from Campbell's Soups just cannot compare with the time-honored and time-treasured heirloom varieties. That's what happened this year. There's nothing wrong with this variety. I will plant it again next year.

GOOD TOMATOES: These varieties were good -- no doubt about it. They just could not crack the Top Ten this year.

1. OPALKA: Seed Source: Gary Ibsen's Tomatofest. Starter plants grown by Bill & Venus Bird. We didn't have room for this red tomato variety in the raised beds -- but it produced well enough in the direct clay soil "test bed." This was one of the better producers out of the test bed, although BER was problematic. I was probably to blame for the BER problems that cropped up often in the test bed -- because I failed to amend with lime.

2. BLOODY BUTCHER: Seed Source: Totally Tomatoes. Starter plants grown by Fred Hoffman. A tomato grower can always rely upon the Bloody Butcher to produce some of the earliest tomatoes, and this year was no different. The big change this year, however, was the heirlooms started to produce right about the same time. Long time growers say you're not supposed to get ripe tomatoes before May. The Bloody Butcher will make them think twice. Perfect for snacking on in the garden while you go about the main harvest.

3. DR. WYCHE'S YELLOW: Seed Source: Totally Tomatoes. Starter plants grown by Fred Hoffman. I've been wanting to try this ever since Dr. Carolyn Male highlighted this variety in her book "100 Heirloom Tomatoes for the American Garden." This is a true bible for heirloom growers -- a good starting point -- but not the be all-end all in the world of heirloom tomatoes. Blossom End Rot was a constant concern -- but the yellow-orange tomatoes that we did get were interesting to say the least. I will plant again and hope for better luck!

4. EVIL SEED: Seed Source: Unknown. Starter plants grown by Mother Nature. Evil Seed is a black tomato with fantastic taste and an even more fantastic story. Grown by a gardener who later made the rather unwise decision to leave his wife and children for another woman, I never did find out the true name of this tomato or where it came from. I thought I had lost it completely, until one popped out of the ground in an unlikely spot this year and grew like a weed. The plant receives its name courtesy of the jilted ex-wife. I seeded this tomato. I will grow it again.

5. JUBILEE: Seed Source: Lockhart Seed. Starter plants grown by Bill & Venus Bird. This barely made the list -- and only because of its incredible taste. I will try again, but the production off one plant in a raised bed was average at best. The second plant, located in the test bed, was a little more productive but Blossom End Rot was a real problem. I lost most of them.

FAVORITE CHERRY TOMATOES: Cherry tomatoes get their own category this year because we really went to town on them this year. Venus searched high and low for the cherry tomato for the highest brix content so she could enter it in the Tomato Taste Challenge sponsored by NatureSweet. She would later find out, much to her chagrin, that the nearest "challenge" was held in Chicago, IL this year. Maybe next year Venus.

1. BLACK CHERRY: Seed Source: Pinetree Garden Seeds. Starter plants grown by Fred Hoffman, Bill & Venus Bird and Mother Nature. Black Cherry is simply the most outstanding cherry tomato ever developed in terms of taste and production in my humble opinion. Once you plant it -- you'll have them for years to come. We put one plant in a raised bed. About four or five more plants came up on their own in a bed we used the previous year from cherry tomatoes that had dropped to the ground (you never get them all). This will always have a home in our garden.

2. HYBRID RED GRAPE: Seed Source: Lockhart Seed. Starter plants grown by Bill & Venus Bird. Billed as the "cherry tomato with the highest brix content ever recorded," this was a Venus impulse purchase during our first visit to Lockhart Seed in Stockton. There's no denying it was sweet -- but it was also tough to get a ripe tomato. Why? Turns out this tomato was a favorite among birds who raided the garden non-stop. Birds of all feathers would pick these by the hundreds and fly off before returning for another "snack." Excellent producer. We will plant this again.

3. JELLY BEAN GRAPE: Seed Source: Pinetree Garden Seeds. Starter plants grown by Bill & Venus Bird. This cherry was similar to Hybrid Red Grape, although the fruits were smaller. Very productive.

"MEH" TOMATOES: What does "Meh" mean? The first instance of "Meh" popped up in an episode of The Simpsons when Bart Simpson was asked for his opinion. His response? "Meh" -- along with a shrug of his shoulders. To put it short and sweet -- "meh" means "I don't care," or "I'm not really excited by this." In the words of Bart Simpson, "Don't Have a Cow, Homer."

1. CLINT EASTWOOD'S ROWDY RED: Seed Source: Gary Ibsen's Tomatofest. Stater plants grown by Fred Hoffman. I had really high hopes for this tomato. It was hybridized not all that far away, by a former UC Davis plant scientist. It started out with a few great tomatoes -- and then not much. Many of the tomatoes were small -- about two to three ounces and production was nothing to write home about. I will not plant this again.

2. GREEN ZEBRA: Seed Source: Totally Tomatoes. Starter plants grown by Bill & Venus Bird. Due to space limitations, we were not able to put a Green Zebra in the raised beds, and production suffered in the test bed. The few that came off the vine were small -- Blossom End Rot was a problem -- and I have to give this one two thumbs down this year. May not plant again.

3. REIF RED HEART: Seed Source: Gary Ibsen's Tomatofest. Starter plants grown by Bill & Venus Bird. Some heirloom afficiandos swear by heart-shaped tomatoes. I don't understand why. This was average at best and production was limited. Will not plant again.

4. PINK PING PONG: Seed Source: Gary Ibsen's Tomatofest. Starter plants grown by Bill & Venus Bird. This was another "test bed" plant that did not perform well. Will not plant again.

5. COSTALUTO GENOVESE: Seed Source: Seeds of Change. Starter plants grown by Fred Hoffman. This was a favorite from the garden two seasons ago. Despite the introduction of new seed this past spring -- and a spot in one of the raised beds -- I simply was not impressed. The tomatoes were small -- in the one ounce range. Not good for anything other than snacking. Tomatoes were too small for processing. Not sure if I will try again.

Other tomatoes to note are Zapotec Pleated (not good for processing -- but good taste), Dixie's Golden Giant (they must have been referring to a small giant) and Delicious (disease took this one early).

SEED SOURCES FOR HEIRLOOM TOMATOES:

These are just a few that I've used in past years. There are many others. Try typing the term "heirloom tomatoes" or "heirloom tomato seeds" on Google and see what springs up.

In the Sacramento area, Capital Nursery and Peaceful Valley Farm and Garden Supply have a very good selection of packaged seeds, as does the mother of all seed stores, Lockhart Seed in Stockton.

Totally Tomatoes

Pinetree Garden Seeds

Lockhart Seed (no website -- you gotta go look for yourself)

Gary Ibsen's Tomatofest

Seeds of Change

Love Grows Where My Ro -- err -- Venus Goes

It was on this date -- seven years ago -- that I made the best decision of my life.

Yes sir. That's right.

I've been in cold beer ever since that fateful decision to purchase ye olde kegerator...

Wait? Was that seven years ago or five? I can't remember. Must be the effects of ye olde kegerator and draft Pabst Blue Ribbon.

Who am I kidding?

Actually -- it was on this date that a wonderful life journey started. It was on this date in history, October 26th, 2002, when I finally brainwashed the woman pictured to your right to the point where she could say the words "I do."

For her? It was a struggle. For me? Are you kidding? That's like the California Lottery asking if I wanted my $10 million award in "tens or twenties." That answer was pretty easy. It was on this date that I struck GOLD. And, if you're a fan of the San Francisco Giants, this also happens to be the same date that the Giants blew Game 6 of the 2002 World Series against the hated Angels.

That's the reason why watching the Angels lose to the Yankees last night wasn't half bad.

I digress. Back to the subject of this posting. Today, it's all about Venus. Because -- without the lovely bride that is Venus -- there would be no blog titled "Sacramento Vegetable Gardening." Well -- I suppose there could be -- but I wouldn't be writing it. There would be no garden in the backyard. No heirloom tomatoes. No sunshine. No happiness.

Venus and I haven't changed much since we were married seven years ago. Well -- check that. She still looks as gorgeous as ever and I have the photo snapped over the weekend to prove it. As for me -- well -- those rugged Mel Gibsonesque looks are starting to fade a bit. What happened to all my hair? Did I lose it in my waistline?

Questions, questions!

I'd like to tell you that Venus and I spent a glorious weekend in the Back 40 -- tearing out what was left of the summer garden and planting the rest of our fall treats. But -- you see -- we did that last weekend. And since it was our "special weekend," and using the same brainwashing techniques I successfully employed seven years ago, we both decided to hop on the train out of Sacramento on Friday for the romantic destination of: Berkeley.

Say again? Bezerkley? Yes -- that place. The University of California AT Berkeley to be more exact. Venus and I took in the Cal football game against Washington State this past weekend. It wasn't going to be televised. I knew that the Bears were probably going to win this one. The Cougars are -- well -- slightly better than God awful this season. So -- why not take the wife back to her old stomping grounds where she earned her degree?

Fortunately, Mother Nature came through with gorgeous Saturday afternoon weather. I mean -- folks -- for us Sacramento Valley types? The weather was perfect! Shirt sleeves and shorts. For Berkeley regulars? A little too hot for them -- but just fine for us.

And the Bears put on a show. By that -- I mean the game was pretty much over by the first quarter. Three or four first quarter touchdowns will do that to a game. The Cougars did at least try to make it interesting -- but the game was snoozeville pretty much after halftime.

No matter. The wife was home. She was back in her element. No visit to the Cal campus is complete without a stop at Top Dog -- the home of the (SURPRISE) Top Dog. You can't forget to at least walk a section or two of Telegraph Avenue -- and a stop at the Bear's Lair Pub is also an absolute must.

After two or three or seven (I kind of lost count) at the Bear's Lair -- the wife and I found ourself stumbling back in the direction of Shadduck Avenue -- toward that lovely downtown Berkeley BART station -- and the train back to Richmond. From there -- we would catch the Cal Train -- and the all-important BAR CAR -- back to Sacramento.

As for the Back 40? The fall garden? The Birds? The Bees? They can wait. The perfect marriage to the perfect woman comes only once in a man's lifetime. Better enjoy that life while you can. Because time does indeed fly when you're having fun. Which is why my marriage to this lady seems like yesterday.

Color Me Fall

Fall colors normally aren't as vibrant as those you will find in the spring and summer -- but the backyard is still spitting out some beautiful scenes. Oh sure -- those summer flower arrangements are starting to look a little tired (I'm partial to the Rainbow of Color design myself) -- but if you look hard enough -- you'll find some things are still going strong.

I didn't get everything done in the Back 40 that I wanted to get done this summer. I never do. The main section of the lawn that I was hoping to plant? Unplanted. The thirty-plus yards of garden soil I wanted to move in? I'm at five and counting. The greenhouse? Still a long ways off.

I suppose that's the way it works with us Weekend Warrior types. There's never enough time in the day. Weekends just seem to fly by. There's always that one "project" that must be accomplished first before moving onto backyard landscaping pleasures.

But I did get at least one project finished. Venus has her tree rose. Not just any tree rose mind you -- the one special tree rose that my wife has wanted since we were first married. I finally got around to locating the one remaining Saint Patrick tree rose left in the Sacramento area this summer.

This rose holds a special meaning for my wife. It was her mother's favorite rose. In every house her mother and father purchased during a ten-year span of home-flipping in Auburn, Rocklin and finally Sacramento -- you will find the Saint Patrick tree rose. And -- beside that special rose -- is the Celtic Cross of St. Patrick.

When Venus' mother passed away quite unexpectedly four years ago following a long battle with cancer -- I knew she longed for the Saint Patrick tree rose and the Celtic Cross. It is, quite simply, her favorite spot in the yard.

Unfortunately, the recent rain and windstorm that hit the Sacramento area (and the rest of California I might add) -- did some rather wicked damage to the wife's special rose. Not only did it lose blooms -- it's no longer standing straight as an arrow. I suppose I have learned the "curse" of tree roses. I don't care how well you have it staked. If Mother Nature throws a vicious curveball of sustained rain and winds -- that perfectly placed tree rose is no longer standing at attention.

Yet another project for me to take care of this weekend. The companion tree rose took at even worse hit.

One of the most pleasant surprises in the backyard has to be the Pomegranate tree that Venus and I stumbled upon last summer at Lowe's in West Sacramento. It wasn't the variety I wanted -- but it looked nice and the price was more than right. So -- I didn't get the pomegranate variety of Wonderful. I purchased the variety of "Sweet" instead. Or -- so I thought. As it turns out -- I may have purchased a mislabled variety. This tree is churning out fruit that look strangely like a Wonderful.

This picture simply doesn't do justice. The fruits were starting to color to a deep red when I took this two weeks ago. They are all now a deep -- candy-apple red in color. It wasn't ready to harvest two weeks ago when I was disappointed to find white kernals inside of a "test harvest" fruit. I'm not sure what it will look like now -- although I'm willing to give it a little more time.

I am somewhat surprised by this tree -- the rate of growth -- and fruit production. What had been a small starter tree last summer has blossomed into one of the fastest-growing, most prolific fruit trees in the backyard. It was covered with red and yellow blossoms earlier this spring -- and has tripled in size. I can only imagine what will happen next spring.

If you are looking for a beautiful landscape tree that produces more than just flowers and blooms -- I highly reccommend the Pomegranate. The spring-time blooms are staggering in color and a highly favored source of pollen for honeybees and Carpenter bees alike.

Plus -- I'll admit -- I love a splash of fresh pomegranate juice in my margarita! And I also ran across an interesting recipe for pomegranate syrup here, courtesty of Jenn's Cooking Garden.

Sadly -- the display of color located to your immediate right no longer exists. It was one of the last sunflower displays out of the summer garden -- and a big display of color at that. The flowers from this variety of sunflower were perfect for vase cuttings (combined with the Saint Patrick tree rose, of course).

I'm not exactly sure where I received the seeds for this one variety. They may have been sent to us through a bee research project at San Francisco State University. Seeds from this variety may have been collected from a wild plant growing on the side of Elkhorn Blvd., a hop, skip and a jump away from our North Natomas compound.

I know this much: Despite the landscaping headaches that sunflowers can pose, they are a welcome addition to our "Edible Garden" landscape. While not necessarily edible for humans, they are a favorite place to forage for our "Hello Kitty" beehive.

And they do put on a mighty fine show of color.

From Tomatoes to Onions in 20 Easy Steps!

If the title of this post sounds somewhat facetious -- that's because it is. And heck, who are we fooling anywho? Let's just be real and remove the "somewhat" and substitute "very."

Long time gardeners will tell you that any sentence containing the phrases of "easy steps" and "gardening" is an oxymoron. Nothing comes easy when you're digging in the dirt -- especially when that dirt has turned to mud thanks to some early season storm activity.

I might be the last person on the planet to know this, but -- TOMATO SEASON IS OFFICIALLY OVER.

There -- I called it. That's all folks. Show's over. Move along. Nothing to see here (except wretched looking late-season heirloom tomato plants (photo to your right should illustrate that point).

Of course, this comes as no news at all to other gardeners in the Sacramento area. Hank Shaw called it a season in late August. I thought the man was clinically insane. But -- as it turns out -- Hank knew something I didn't.

Of course, I could literally feel the end of the season coming. I just chose to ignore those cold mornings in September. Cold temperatures play havoc with sugar levels in fresh-off-the-vine tomatoes. Black Cherry tomatoes suddenly taste like something that comes out of a bottle labeled "Night Train." What is that white fungus forming in the cracks of my tomatoes? Why is that firm tomato suddenly so soft and mushy? What are those bugs and where did they all come from?

Charlie Brown put it best: BLECH!

What is the hardest part of tomato season? The end of tomato season. Those vines that you've nurtured all season long need to be torn out. Vines that snapped easily in the early and mid season are suddenly as tough as iron. And no matter how careful you are -- some giant tomato that is rotted to the core is going to fall off the vine and go "SPLAT" on your shoes.

It's guaranteed. You've heard of "White Shoes Johnson?" Just call me Tomato Shoes Johnson. And I've got the stained shoes to prove it.

It's at this point where I wish I'd really followed the advice of Farmer Fred Hoffman -- who advised me to stick to just three tomato plants per planter bed. Unfortunately -- I ignore that man's good advice far too often. He told me to stick to three plants. I went over that just a tad by planting eight.

Do you know what eight full grown tomato plants represents in the fall? A mess. Vines here. Vines there. How did that Bloody Butcher vine traverse the length of the bed and why didn't I see it? Will all those rotted Black Cherry tomatoes falling to the ground sprout next season (yes)? What just fell on my shoe?

Needless to say, removing eight full-grown plants from a tiny bed causes quite the mess. That large green waste can? Tomato plants laugh at that. Two full grown plants can take up an entire can, no matter how hard I jump up and down on it. So -- today -- I found myself in the act of calling the City of Sacramento "Green Waste" Division with the polite request to "please remove that mass of tomato plants piled in front of my driveway."

There's a good reason why I had such a great year in the tomato growing department. Each planter bed was recharged with nutrients and compost before planting starter plants earlier this spring. And I guarantee that those small starter plants sucked just about everything dry over the course of the summer.

In other words -- just removing the plants is only half the battle. The bed is now devoid of the nutrients that are needed for the fall garden. You think the work is over? Hardly. Removing the plants is just the beginning. It's now time for "Phase II."

Fortunately, I did think ahead in this battle by stacking bags of steer and chicken manure compost in a part of the garden area that could be reached -- even though most of my backyard is now a sticky, muddy, mess. I also discovered that the Mantis Rototiller is not only good at churning up the soil, but removes the last vestiges of tomato plant roots that were left behind during the removal process.

Once you've worked in the new amendments -- which consisted of two bags of steer manure compost, one bag of chicken manure compost and two cups of pelleted Vigaro Fertilizer for vegetables, you've got a fairly clean and recharged bed to work with.

The wife that is Venus didn't waste time. As soon as the tomato bed was cleaned and recharged? She flashed into action -- planting red and yellow onion sets -- lettuce and bok choy starter plants -- and seeds of green onions, radishes and other fall crops.

As for the tomato plants that are still standing in other planter beds that we failed to address this weekend? In the words of former Monday Night Football showman Dandy Don Meredith: "Turn Out the Lights -- The Party's Over."