Blame, Properly Placed

John Lennon

A wise British-born philosopher and poet once stated the following:

"Everyday we used to make it love

Why can't we be making love nice and easy

It's time to spread our wings and fly

Don't let another day go by my love

It'll be just like starting over

Starting over"

But I'm not blaming John Lennon for my sudden burst of strange activity last weekend. Nope, that would be blame misplaced. The fault lies squarely upon the shoulders of a certain garden writer who toils for a certain daily newspaper that is printed and distributed in the Sacramento area.

Time to Plant!

The words written by Debbie Arrington in the Home and Garden section of the Sacramento Bee were quite simple really: "It's time to plant (BLANK)." And that's all Bill Bird really needed. Because the first thought that jolted through my gin-addled mind was, plant? PLANT! It's time to plant! "TIME TO PLANT," the voices in my head suddenly screamed at the top of their lungs.

Which is why my new neighbors in a well seasoned subdivision of Citrus Heights were treated the sight of a strange man bundled up in a heavy coat, tearing up a planter area in the front yard of a rental home in a heavy rainstorm. If that activity didn't raise any suspicion, certainly my chase down neighborhood gutters for hundreds of worms that came out to enjoy the deluge certainly sparked discussion.

Free Worms! Free!

Or perhaps they've been treated to somewhat crazy behavior before? Or perhaps they know that worms are good for the garden? And, yes, there is a garden. There will be a garden everywhere I go. I may be "Starting Over," as Lennon crooned, but the garden goes with me.

It's not much when compared to the massive garden efforts that consumed an entire quarter-acre in an area once known the Bird Back 40. But it's enough to plant a row or three of radishes, six broccoli plant starters and six red leaf lettuce starter plants.

The Spring Garden

And although Ms. Arrington's specific instructions didn't say so, my new/old planting area also contains rows set aside for green onions and carrots. Because you can't make Pam Farley's famous Loaded Fried Rice meal without a proper helping of carrots and green onions.

I had wondered through the months if this desire to plant would ever return. The skies opened up and began to cry after I had just moved into the new neighborhood. In doing so, I left behind the remains of a garden and a home that hurt anytime I stepped near it.

The Mantis Tills Again...

But time in a new setting and time alone has a strange way of healing a broken heart. The Mantis Tiller that churned up countless raised beds in North Natomas found the soil to be more than adequate in the new Citrus Heights setting. The worms that I captured on their mad rush to the drainage gutters found the spot I'd amended to be quite acceptable and moved right in.

But, more importantly, the love for digging in the dirt suddenly returned with a vengeance. I didn't lose that passion. It just took a short vacation. The only thing that's missing now is a gardening partner.

Perhaps, in time, that will return as well.

So You Wanna Grow MINT, Do Ya?

MINT! Look good? Take me home!

MINT! It's an herb. Not just any herb mind you. No -- mint would have to classified as the Harry Callahan of herb fame. As in, "Go Ahead, Make My Day" fame. As in, "Do You Feel Lucky, Punk?" That starter plant of mint at your local big box store beckons. "Take me home," it whispers softly into your gardening ears. "Plant me with other herbs so I can have friends," it says.

My friends -- I'm here today to tell you this: Don't believe a word. Mint is lying to you. Oh sure -- you can plant mint in a tiny or a big herb garden. Do you know what the result will be exactly one year later? You'll have an herb bed consisting entirely of nothing but bright, green mint. And it will cast a longing eye at that bed you've set aside for tomato plants and other veggies.

Mint Overtakes Raised Gardening Bed-Bird Back 40

"You don't mind if I move right in, do you," mint asks. And before you can say "no," it's too late. Because mint has already moved in and made itself right at home. That cute little starter plant you brought home a year ago from your favorite big box store has turned into a monster that threatens to overwhelm your yard.

And it will.

That's why I was somewhat amused to read the blog posting printed in the Home and Garden section of today's Sacramento Bee. It contained a paragraph of a post from the blogger behind "Chic Little House," where the author revealed plans to plant her first vegetable garden. And the star of that garden? In the author's own words: "Yesterday, I saw mint and peppermint chocolate, I just have to grow both!"

Mint Gone Wild-Bird Back 40

Uh oh...

My friends, I'm here today to tell you this. If you do not control mint, it will control you. I know this from experience. The pictures above and the pictures below are pictures of the current state of the Bird Back 40. There's mint growing out of the walkways around my raised gardening beds. Mint has already invaded one bed. It's threatening to invade another, and will.

Mint will take over an entire garden in no time flat. It's the most invasive herb of any herb found in the herb family. It will take that oregano plant that you planted next to it and drop-kick it into the neighbor's backyard -- and then mint will grow into your neighbor's yard as well. It will choke out anything and everything in its path and keep right on going.

Mint From the Neighbor's Yard

Believe it or not, I know what you're thinking. If I knew mint was this bad and this invasive, why in HADES did I plant it anywhere in the Bird Back 40, especially near my raised gardening beds? That's a good question. The short answer is I didn't. My neighbor did. And before he knew it -- it took over the small patch he'd set aside for gardening, grew right underneath the fence and right into my backyard.

Thank you neighbor. That's mighty neighborly of you.

Evil, EVIL, Mint!

Once mint gets a foothold? It's nearly impossible to stop. The mint you see pictured here has an upcoming date with Roundup herbicide. It's either that -- or a blowtorch. And a blowtorch will just set my raised gardening beds on fire. Not a good idea.

As for the mint now slowly advancing through one of the raised beds -- that's even tougher. I'll be forced to remove every last inch of gardening soil, dig down into the clay below and eradicate every last mint root runner that I can find. I will get most of them. Unfortunately, I will not get all of them. The Roundup herbicide it will soon be soaked with will knock it down, but it won't knock it out.

The Monster in a Raised Bed for Tomato Plants

Mint is one tough customer.

So my friends -- please do me this little favor. Either don't listen to that starter plant of mint whispering to you from the garden area of your big box store -- or buy yourself a pot with small draining holes only and plant your mint there. If you make the mistake of placing this pot on the soil -- the mint roots will eventually grow right into the soil and you've released the monster.

Better keep that pot on concrete instead.

Zoned Out

No way! I'm not buying it! Talk to the Hand, USDA man!

This is my somewhat personal reaction to the new Hardiness Zone maps unveiled by the United States Department of Agriculture (USDA). The Sacramento Bee's Debbie Arrington writes about them in today's Home and Garden section. The new maps can be accessed here.

So what's the big deal about a new Hardiness Zone map? Well -- I'll tell you what the big deal is!

The fine scientists who released this map have decided to switch Sacramento's Hardiness Zone designation from 9A to 9B. This isn't a subtle change. What the USDA is now telling you is that it's safe to run out and buy an avocado tree and plant it in your backyard.

USDA Hardiness Zone Map

Not so fast there buckaroo.

The new USDA Hardiness Zone Map is divided into 13 different zones. These zones are based on the average winter temperature, and are further separated by "A" and "B" regions. Zone 9A, for example, is somewhat colder than Zone 9B. The same would hold true with Zone 10A and Zone 10B.

Up until a few short and blissful weeks ago, Sacramento was stuck in Zone 9A. What does this mean? It means certain trees and plants just won't tolerate the snap freezes that can haunt a gardener during the months of December and January. One good jolt of Mr. Freeze can turned your prized avocado tree into a pile of blackened twigs. I should know. I'm "expert" at killing avocado trees.

Venus next to the Pinkerton Avocado (now gone)

The supposedly "cold weather" varieties of Bacon, Pinkerton, Zutano, Mexicola and Mexicola Grande have all had a date with Mr. Freeze in my North Natomas Back 40. And all five have reacted by biting the proverbial dust. It didn't matter where they were planted. Raised beds for good drainage? Yesiree! Christmas lights at night to keep them warm? Yes, once again.

Mr. Freeze laughed at every precaution. After four years of nothing but frost-kissed black-twig failure, I officially announced to the wife that loves all thing avocados (this would be Venus) that no matter how hard I tried, I could not fit that square peg into a round hole. I got tired of watching avocado trees die -- let alone watching that growth spurt on the Meyer Lemon turn black and die back.

Why Meyer Lemons can't experience growth spurts in the spring amazes me to no end. But -- NOPE -- they always flush with new growth during the fall months out in our Back 40 territory. And you can bet the farm that those new purple shoots will blacken and die back once they've been kissed by Mr. Freeze.

New Northern California Map (BAH!)

If these developments aren't bad enough -- imagine how you would feel if some dumb USDA scientists suddenly changed your zone designation from 9A to 9B? How does that make me feel? It makes me feel like shipping some dead avocado tree limbs and twigs to those clueless USDA scientists -- telling them exactly where they can stick their new zone designation.

The voice of reason in this discussion is none other than Master Gardener Fred Hoffman, aka, Farmer Fred of NewsTalk 1530 KFBK and Talk 650 KSTE fame. He tells the Sacramento Bee that, "I'm a little leery about extending 9b so far." This makes me feel somewhat better. Lord knows, I've cried on his shoulder enough about my avocado tree failures.

Bacon Avocado Tree (DEAD!)

Fred is also a strong believer in microclimates, which is why, he says "you can find bananas (growing) in Lodi." This I tend to believe since South Natomas grower Nels Christensen, who lives less than five miles from me as the crow flies, has two mature and productive avocado trees in his backyard. Nels is always kind enough to bring four or five over during harvest season. It's a supply that lasts exactly 90 seconds.

I did mention the wife likes avocados, right?

So, my invitation to these smart USDA scientists is this: Give me your best shot. If you can make an avocado tree -- any avocado tree -- last an entire winter in the Bird Back 40, I'll eat the words printed on this blog.

Until then -- I'm firmly planted in Zone 9A.

A Frosty Cold One?

St. Patrick Tree Rose-Bird Back 40

The dead of winter really doesn't offer much in the way of garden blogging topics. There are chores to take care of, of course. If you're going to have a garden, you're going to have an endless list of chores that seems to grow with every passing year. You just can't "plant and ferget" as some people would think.

Sacramento Bee Garden writer (when are we going to add Editor to her title, hmm???) recently hosted a Garden Writing Workshop for bloggers like me, called "Germinating Ideas for Your Blog." Unfortunately, when one is fortunate enough to serve in the Office of Senate Republican Leader, one has no time for such outside endeavors. Maintaining a blog like this becomes a real chore. Sadly, I would miss this gathering as I've been forced to miss others.

Tree Rose in winter-Bird Back 40

But it does bring an interesting question to mind: Where do I find topics to write about? Let's be honest here friends, one can only write so much prose about heirloom tomatoes. After awhile, it just gets boring. And the last crime I want to commit is that of boredom.

I'm a fan of photos in the blog. I need and want color. It helps tell a story that mere words cannot. Therefore, if I see a particular picture in the Bird Back 40 -- like the one above or the other to your left -- that begins the process of "blog idea germination." But I also need more than just pictures -- I need a story to go with it. Sometimes -- if I'm very lucky -- the story carries a second meaning.

These photos represent the current state of the two tree roses that I have planted in the backyard. One is a Weeks "two-fer" (two different varieties of roses grafted onto the same root stock). The other is a St. Patrick, a birthday gift for the wife that is Venus several years ago when she was mourning the loss of her mother, Patricia, from cancer.

Tears of a Tree Rose

The photos you see represent the current state of both roses. I recently cut them back. And if you're wondering if roses *cry* -- well -- wonder no longer. The ice you see forming at the end of each cut represents sap escaping from a fresh cut -- a rose tear caught in the moment so to speak. It begs the question of "a frosty cold one?" Indeed.

I won't lie. Both of these roses gave me plenty of trouble at first. We get a lot of strong spring and summer winds blowing through our Sacramento River bottom home. Strong winds and tree roses do not mix. The stalks either bend or, in some cases, snap right in two. That's how the Weeks "Two-Fer" adopted the rather unfortunate name of "Two-Pieces." A spring wind snapped it in half during the first spring bloom.

Bummer...

Weeks "Two-Fer" 2009

But -- where there's a will? There's a way. The wood stakes that I had been using just weren't strong enough to support a tree rose full of blooms. Wood tends to bend -- and when wood stakes bend -- so do tree roses. One good blow from the north and SNAP! It's an emergency trip to the nearest nursery to hunt for a suitable replacement.

The nursery also carried the fix I was looking for in the form of strong metal stakes, sets of foam holders that attached to both stake and tree rose, plus some strong green gardening tape to hold it all together. I installed the fix last spring after the first big bloom, when once again the Weeks "Two-Fer" began leaning dangerously to the left.

I'm happy to report that the fix actually worked. The tree roses haven't been a problem since both stakes were pounded into the ground and fastened to each rose. They stopped waving too and fro during those surprise spring and winter windstorms. They took every gust like a champion. The stake "fix" also allowed the base of each tree rose to grow thicker and stronger.

It's my hope then that this "fix" is a permanent one. You see -- there are other -- more important duties to take care of on winter weekends like this. It's not necessarily garden related -- mind you -- but if you're a fan of a certain football team that resides in San Francisco, weekends like this have become very important.

There's not as much time for gardening on days like these. Not when Alex Smith is doing his best "Joe Montana" impression. The days of listening to the 49ers lose yet another game while working in the backyard are long gone. There's something special going on in the City by the Bay, kids.

As you might be able to tell from the photo, the question of "a frosty cold one?" takes on an entirely different meaning...

Indeed. That's where blog ideas are born.

I Was Wrong, Alex

Paul Kitagaki Jr. - Sacramento Bee

It's time for a well-deserved Mea Culpa. If you've come to this post expecting to find gardening insights and information, you're going to be sorely disappointed. There are no vine-ripened tomatoes here today. No fresh-from-the tree-ripened peaches. There is only chagrin.

You see, this is my apology to the man to your right. That my friends is Alex Smith. He plays quarterback for the San Francisco 49ers. Up until yesterday, Alex Smith had been the target of every football barb launched by a one Bill Bird and every other 49er fan. He was a first round draft bust. He was a complete and utter failure. He was the poster child -- so to speak -- of everything that was wrong with a woeful 49er football team.

Paul Kitagaki Jr. - Sacramento Bee

But -- every once in a great while -- a special moment comes along to prove that football fans are probably the most clueless people on this God's Green Earth. Wait -- strike the "probably" part. For today, I'm feeling a bit guilty and a bit melancholy. After all -- it wasn't all that long ago when I was blaming complete crop failures in the Bird Back 40 on a one Alex Smith (My Corn Fails Like Alex Smith).

It hadn't always been this way. Like many 49er fans I believed in Alex when he was first drafted. I lived through those miserable, losing years. I waited, patiently, for signs of improvement that never did come. During this time I was to suffer the slings and arrows from my big brother (a Charger fan) and many others who gleefully bragged that the 49ers had drafted a "bust." Alex would go down in the Pantheon of Busts, joining the likes of Ryan Leaf, JaMarcus Russell, Joey Harrington and others who came out of college ball with great promise -- only to fall flat on their collective faces.

In fact -- if you Google the phrase of "Quarterback Bust" today, Alex Smith's name still pops up on a number of search results.

Jose Luis Villegas-Sacramento Bee

It just goes to show that I'm not the only person with egg on his face. There are lots of clueless people on the face of this planet, and some of them actually write about football for a living.

It might be time for them to find a new line of work.

Alex Smith's performance against the New Orleans Saints goes beyond mere numbers. There is more there than 299 yards passing. One must look beyond his three passing touchdowns. The game was bigger than "the scramble," a thing-of-beauty, over-the-left-side rushing TD that sent Candlemistake Park fans into a tizzy. 

That final bullet to tight end Vernon Davis may earn a place in history books as "the grab," but Alex Smith's performance goes deeper than that -- much deeper.

Paul Kitagaki Jr. - Sacramento Bee

Alex Smith took a gigantic step forward on Saturday that no fan ever thought in his or her wildest mind that Alex Smith could ever take. He transformed himself from first-round bust, first-round disappointment, into an elite QB who can play with the best in this game and beat them all.

I'll be the first to admit, I had lost faith in him. The years of taunts from my Charger-loving brother and so many others (including the brother-in-law who bleeds Dallas Cowboy blue) had worked its magic. I was convinced. Alex Smith was bust. He was just no good -- no good at all. The 49ers would never experience a winning season again -- I firmly believed -- until he was cut, told to clean out his locker, and leave.

You may notice that I take a particular satisfaction that neither the Chargers or the Cowboys are in the playoffs this year. Both the brother and brother-in-law are strangely quiet today and have been far less vocal this entire season. The Charger fan brother is just sick with the realization that the 49ers and Alex Smith are one step away from what his multitude of playoff teams could never do: clinch a spot in the Super Bowl.

Paul Kitagaki Jr. - Sacramento Bee

By the way -- the brother is already picking Green Bay (even though, at the writing of this blog post, they haven't won a playoff game against the Giants yet).

Let this be my personal Mea Culpa then. This is my personal apology to Alex Smith. I'm sorry that I listened to the hateful words from my Charger-loving brother. I'm sorry that I let my Dallas Cowboy lovin' brother-in-law get to me. I should probably revoke my NFL fan card.

I know that Alex Smith is no fan of gardening forums. Perhaps one day he will be -- long after he's retired and he's turned his attention to other pursuits. I know he will not read this. But it doesn't matter.

I'm sorry Alex. I was wrong.

Photos in this blog posting were taken without permission from the Sacramento Bee, which this blog is linked too through Sacramento Connect. I have given proper photo credit for each photo used, and will be happy to remove them if found to be in violation of copyright rules.

A "Phenomenal" Pumpkin Year...

Ultimate Digging Machine Shows Off Pumpkin Haul

That's the lesson that you'll learn if you read today's posting from Debbie Arrington in the Local News Section of the Sacramento Bee. It's been a rather special year for pumpkin growers -- or so says a couple of local growers who specialize in growing out thousands of Jack O' Lanterns that will be glowing from near and far tonight.

And -- after getting to the last of the Bird 2011 harvest just yesterday -- who am I to disagree? The wife that is Venus and I have grown pumpkins before. But we've never grown them in quite this amount. I have pumpkin vines that cover a quarter of the Bird Back 40 and seem intent upon growing over the fence and into the neighbor's yard.

Lame Attempt at Pumpkin Carving

That's gardening! Some years are better than others. In some years -- some crops do extraordinarily well. And -- some don't. Call 2011 the "Year of the Jack O' Lantern." There are more than enough to go around.

What are Bill & Venus Bird doing with their cash crop of pumpkins this year? I thought strongly about a pumpkin toss or pumpkin catapult -- but both ideas were nixed by the wife. She just can't understand why grown men would want to see a perfectly round pumpkin get tossed into the air -- only to splatter into a zillion pieces and streams when they hit the ground.

Bill Bird says, "cool!"

Pumpkin Pie Anyone?

We are finding some traditional uses -- however -- for the 2011 crop. Venus and I grew three different varieties of pumpkins this year -- including the smaller and sweeter variety that will be used for all things pumpkin pie, pumpkin bread, pumpkin barley soup and, of course, who can possibly forget the pumpkin martini. I've found -- from experience -- that you can make martinis out of just about anything from the garden.

This is -- provided you have the all important added ingredient of fermented juniper berries -- of course.

The seeds from our carved pumpkins also went to good use I might add. There's nothing quite like roasted pumpkin seeds using a mixture of a little bit of butter (OK, a lotta bit of butter), worscetershire sauce, honey (from the Hello Kitty Hive) and seasoned salt. Mix it all up -- throw it in the oven -- and Voilà! Burned pumpkin seeds! Tasty too!

Some Gourds Not Quite Ready for Show

As for the pumpkin vines that I've nurtured through the summer -- they are starting to show some signs of wear and tear. The constant hum and din of honeybees that I noticed earlier in the summer has subsided quite a bit recently. That may be due to cold nights and cold mornings in the Sacramento riverbottom, and it can also be the fact that our colony has found a new source of pollen somewhere. Once the weather warms, it's not all that unusual to see them flying off over the fence in search of...something.

Perhaps they found some Juniper berries to pollinate? A man can dream, right?

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

Bill Bird's Burned Pumpkin Seeds (A recipe)

This works well with seeds from just one pumpkin, or five. You may want to increase or decrease the amount of butter used, depending on the amount of seeds. The amounts listed below were used for seeds that had been collected from four different pumpkins

Seeded Pumpkins

1/2 stick of butter

2 tablespoons worcestershire sauce

2 tablespoons honey

1 tablespoon seasoned salt

Directions:

Clean seeds, removing as much pumpkin residue as possible. Soak seeds in water for at least 30-45 minutes. Drain, and pat dry with paper towels.

Melt butter in saucepan or microwave, add worcestershire sauce, honey and salt and heat slightly again if using a microwave. Mix well.

Add seeds and butter mixture to bowl and stir to coat well. Spread evenly on baking pan with raised edges and roast at 250-300 degrees for one hour (it may need more time if you have a lot of seeds). Stir every 15 minutes.

The end result will be sticky to the touch, until they are allowed to cool and dry.

The Grape Ape

Official/Unofficial Rain Gauge

That would be me -- aka -- The Grape Ape. Or as the wife that is Venus calls me -- APE (tis one of her nicer nicknames).

It's a waterlogged Sunday morning in North Natomas. Thankfully -- the skies are no longer pouring buckets of rain into an already oversaturated backyard. Although the Sacramento Bee bean counter is reporting just miniscule amounts of rainfall (is someone asleep at the switch downtown?) -- my official/unofficial rain gauge reports differently.

This wheelbarrow was last used during the construction of the Asparagus bed the weekend before last. It's the one "tool" that did not get put into its proper place -- and this is the end result of two solid weeks of non-stop stormy weather.

Memo to Sacramento Bee beancounters: That's a solid six inches by my count. Just thought you should know.

Ultimate Digging Machine at Play

I can't foray into the backyard much without putting on the special "mud shoes." The ground is far too saturated to work for any sort of gardening, but there are some minor tasks that can be taken care of. The Back 40 lawn ALWAYS needs attention thanks to the fertilizing efforts of the ultimate digging machine.

And -- oh - THOSE WEEDS! I see a bit of Monsanto in my future. Shhh! Yes, that's Bill Bird's dirty little secret. He is anything but organic. When a backyard screams for weed control such as mine does -- it gets a healthy shot of Roundup. It's either that, or invest in a goat.

Despite the heavy dose of wintry weather that we've been subjected too for the past several weeks -- I'm excited to report that things are not only doing great -- they're doing "swimmingly well." Sorry, lame joke alert. The Royal Ranier cherry tree is blossoming. Peaches are forming from the blossoms that appeared earlier on the June Pride and O'Henry Peach trees. And -- don't look now -- but we might even get a nectarine or two from our Backyard Orchard Culture experiment of last year.

Keep those fingers crossed kids!

Tablegrape Vines in 2010

But you know what really has my attention? It's the subject of this blog post (which I'm finally getting around too). The eight tablegrape vines that Venus and I planted last season are just now starting to emerge with new growth. Six of the eight vines will probably produce at least some fruit this year. The other two need a little more work.

You see -- I love grapes. I love grape juice. Grape soda was made for Bill Bird. Grape snowcones are a slice of heaven. Yet -- I hate wine. Figure that one out. Wine coolers? Those are good! Especially the old school California Cooler (which you can't find anymore, unfortunately). But wine? No thanks. I'll pass. I've never been able to explain this to myself. If I love grapes, I should have an equal love for wine, right? But it is the way it is.

I am most excited by the production that will be coming from the vine pictured to your left. That is the Crimson Red tablegrape -- one of my favorite varieties. It also happened to be the most productive last year in terms of growth. This was one of the two tablegrape varieties that actually survived the bare root planting season last year. The other six kicked the bucket and had to be replaced.

Crimson Red Seedless Tablegrape

But this one -- for some reason -- caught on. It grew like a weed. Although I did my best to keep it trimmed and focus on the growth of just one main vine (which will serve as the trunk) -- once that vine reached a height of six feet -- I let it grow in all sorts of crazy directions. The end result is a healthy and robust main vine (trunk) with three other vines protruding from the trunk itself.

I am told by others "in the know" that these vines will be my fruit producers this year. Although I've been told to "not expect much," other growers have seen photos of this vine and confirmed that I was the lucky recipient of outstanding vine growth last season. While other vines did reach out and grow beyond our 4.5 foot high trellis -- nothing performed like the Crimson Red.

Crimson Seedless in 2010



The other big producer? It should come as no suprise: Thompson Seedless. The Thompson is perhaps one of the best tablegrapes grown in the Sacramento/San Joaquin Valley. It is also the most productive. But while the Thompson also grew "like a weed" during its first year -- it did not develop the side shoots from the main trunk like the Crimson Red did. It will produce -- albeit not as much.

So what is the next step in growing tablegrapes in the Bird Back 40? Search me. I have no clue. I've never done this before. I'm relying on advice from friends (Farmer Fred Hoffman) plus a series of youtube videos that have been posted by the UC Cooperative Extension Service. Although those are helpful -- they don't necessarily deal with how second-year vines should be treated. The instructional videos -- instead -- focus on vines that have already reached full maturity. So -- the guessing game continues.

I did learn one hard lesson last season. Table and wine grapevines are susceptible to mold. I didn't notice the signs of mold until it had really taken hold on the two vines that did not top the grapvine trellis last season. Once I started treating the vines with the same Ortho Disease Control product that I use on my heirloom tomatoes -- our mold problems vanished. But it was too late for two of the vines. They grew a total of two to two-and-a-half feet.

From L-R: Thompson, Black Monukka, Fantasy, Suffolk Red



That's a far cry from the Thompson vine which eventually reached a height of ten feet. You can see that growth in the photos I took last September. The Thompson vine is that big, bushy vine closest to the camera. The two vines that did not produce well are to the far right.

Although first year growth produces a multitude of vines -- I did receive instruction to cut as many of the vines back and focus growth on one, main vine (the trunk). During my trimming efforts earlier this year -- I cut away excess vines and kept only the trunk -- and some vines that had developed off the main trunk. Again -- I'm told that these will be my fruit producers this year. The photos show that I've used green garden tape to tie these vines to the trellis.



Emerging fruit producer?

These vines are already starting to pop wide open -- despite our inclement weather. Fortunately -- due to the excess rainfall -- they haven't needed any additional irrigation. But that will change as the warmer weather sets in.

Is all the work of constructing the trellis and tending the vines worth the effort? I'll let you know later this summer, when the wife that is Venus and I are hopefully muching on a plate of tablegrapes fresh from our backyard-in-progress.

It's an Orange New Year!!!

Precious the cat being "precious."

...and a Happy 2011 to you as well! I tell you -- it's been a busy start to what promises to be an even busier New Year. 2011 brings all sorts of challenges to the Bird Household -- which includes a new job -- which deals with a LOT of writing.

Writing about VEGETABLE GARDENING matters you ask? Hah! No -- that would be my dream job. I'll do that in retirement -- along with my other dream job -- selling Steer Manure Compost at my local Home Depot. Us Birds can never retire you know. We have some sort of wacky gene that shuts off the heart muscle at any moment retirement plans are made.

From L-R: Deborah, Andy & Mary Bird

So -- we don't use the word "retire." We use the term; "moving onto the next career," instead. Hopefully, that terrible Bird Family gene will be satisfied and not give the dreaded Final Order. My older sister -- who is quite the vegetable gardener and gourmet chef herself (she's to the left in the family photo) -- is currently preparing for her next career as "Horse Whisperer."

I figure she can supply me with plenty of horse apples with this new profession. But I digress...

Don't you just love this weather? I loved the handy-dandy gardening guide that appeared in last Saturday's Home and Garden section of the Sacramento Bee. It contained lots of colorful suggestions for each month out of the gardening year. You can find it right here if you missed it. It made me want to run right outside and put what was in print into practice -- until I realized it was POURING BUCKETS OF RAIN.

There's nothing like an inch of rain or two to -- uh -- dampen that gardening spirit. Put away the trowel son. Turn on the Mud Bowl instead -- featuring two college nobodies that you've never heard of. Mother Nature has since shut off the spigot -- and given us a blast of icy cold arctic air.

Yet another gardening downer.

Dancy Tangerine tree in November

But -- despite the flooded backyard and muddy gardening areas -- the wonderful wife that is Venus and I have been happily harvesting during this cold weather period. The Dancy Tangerines that were ripening on ye olde citrus tree during October and November are now ready for harvest. This is the third year for my Dancy -- and I must say -- it's been the best ever.

The frosty mornings that kissed our backyards during the months of November and December did not take the terrible toll that I had feared it might. We're not quite out of frost danger yet -- not hardly -- and although a solitary leaf took a freeze hit here and there -- most of our citrus trees are undamaged.

Indeed -- my Bearss Lime tree continues to grow -- as does the Improved Meyer Lemon. In fact -- as I type this -- the Meyer Lemon is actually FLOWERING.

Dancy Tangerines

But -- it's the Dancy that is the real star of this show. It's the oldest citrus tree in our young backyard. It's been -- by far -- the most productive. If I'm brave enough to slip on a pair of mud shoes and traverse through what seems to be a long stretch of brown clay slop -- I'm rewarded with a bowl of 15-20 tangerines.

My initial fear was that the frost had sucked out every last remaining bit of moisture from these tangerines. This has happened in the past. There's nothing quite like the downer of chewing on a tangerine that is as dry as dust. It's sort of like chewing on a well-used mud shoe.

But -- my fears were put to rest during the first harvest. I came back from the mud adventure with a bowl of juicy -- sweet and sour citrus. Better yet? If I let the tangerines sit for a day or two and come to room temperature? The sweetness factor jumped X 10.

I've always been a fan of mixing different kinds of fruit to see "what happens," and I didn't stop with the Dancy Tangerines. I'd like to tell you that I have a Pineapple Tree in the backyard. But that would be -- in fact -- a LIE. However -- pineapples were on sale that week at my local Bel-Air Grocery Store...

Tangerine & Pineapple Breakfast!!! YUM!!!

And who can resist a big, fat pineapple for a $1.99? I can't. So -- two pineapples came home with me on that day. And they found there way into this breakfast bowl of tangerines and pineapples that I prepared for the wonderful wife and I this past weekend.

So -- gardeners -- I share your frustrations. It's wet. It's cold. Conditions just aren't conduicive to stepping outside and digging in the dirt right now. But there's still lots to be done. It's BARE ROOT season people! It's time to order seeds (if you haven't already)! Time to set up the seed rack! Get the grow lights ready!

The 2011 gardening season -- and harvest -- is now -- officially -- underway.