Look Who's Coming to Dinner!

Pruned Table Grape Vines Ready for 2012

Yes, yes -- I know. I KNOW. I know what you're thinking. You're thinking that this song is just ENTIRELY inappropriate for this blog posting. Well -- too bad. Because -- you're wrong. Because it is quite appropriate.

YES -- I do understand the meaning behind this song. I didn't at first -- but you'll have to excuse me -- I was just a kid prancing across the living room floor during the gilded 1970's "Disco Age" when this tune first hit the airwaves. It had a catchy beat. I liked it. I still like it.

It was my older and much wiser brother who caught me by the arm one day while mid prance with the question of, "you know what this song means, right?"

Thompson Table Grape is "Coming Out" to Play

"No," was my innocent response. Even though we were alone at the time, he whispered in my ear.

"Oh," I replied as my eyes opened somewhat wider. They quickly turned somewhat perplexed when I looked at my brother and asked (innocently, I might add), "what does that mean?"

He again whispered in my ear. "OH, I get it," I responded as my eyeballs nearly popped out of my skull.

I didn't prance much after that to be brutally honest. Hey, it was 1970's Modesto. They didn't teach us much about "alternative anything" back in that day. You were considered "edgy" if you ordered a blueberry snow cone.

It's looking a lot like the year of an early harvest in the Bird Back 40. No -- there's nothing quite ready to harvest just yet -- but give it time. The fruit trees are popping way early. As I write this, the flowering Santa Rosa plum tree is nearly finished, as are the nectarine trees. The Royal Rainier Cherry appears ready to pop open at any moment. And -- as you can tell by the photo to your left -- the table grape vines are indeed, "coming out."

I wasn't expecting this early growth out of the table grape vines to be brutally honest. They didn't pop open like this last year. I knew I was in a bit of trouble when I saw the first hint of green on the Thompson seedless. Hey! I hadn't done my homework! I wasn't ready.

Vines Need a Haircut!

This is what vines look like after a long winter snooze. Much like hair looks in the morning after a good snooze -- the best thing you can say about this picture is: jumbled. The vines were in need of a good haircut. And this is now the all-important third year for grapevine production. This should be the year when I finally see the first nice harvest of home-grown table grapes.

This is provided -- of course -- those damn mockingbirds don't get to the tasty treat first. Did I mention they were back this year? Oh yeah -- much like a bad dream -- this mischievous pair flew back into the Bird Back 40 one afternoon not all that long ago. They'd been gone for a good long time -- but not before stripping the yard of cherry tomatoes, grapes, pluots, peaches and anything else they could get their beaks into.

Mockingbirds have no shame. But they do have an appetite.

But -- back to all things vines. They are clearly popping. Whether I'm ready or not? They are clearly "coming out," or "coming to dinner."

Spur Pruned Thompson Table Grape

There are two ways to prune a table grape vine: Spur pruning and cane pruning. Some vines react better to spur pruning like the Thompson. Others, like the Black Monukka, really don't give a damn. Spur prune or cane prune, the Black Monukka is going to throw out a bunch of tasty table grapes come Hell or high water and that's just the way things are. In my particular case? I practice both styles.

Some vines -- like the Thompson -- just tend to develop nicely formed spurs at the top of the trunk. They jut out at nice angles. When I first started to prune this vine? I had about ten of them to choose from. But I was only going to keep two. One would head in a northerly direction -- while the other would head south.

Table Grape Vines Pruned and Tied

As for the Black Monukka -- it also had nice spur development. But it also had fat canes protruding directly from a well-established trunk. Do you know what new canes that directly protrude from a well-established trunk mean? It means grapes, my friend. It means loads and loads of table grapes. Although I had to prune some of those canes back to the trunk -- not all of them got the pruning treatment. The fattest canes are now tied down to the metal cattle fencing that serves as our "trellis."

Sadly, not all the table grape vines look as good as the Thompson and the Black Monukka. The Crimson Seedless, for example, got a "do over" whack job. What does the scientific term of "do over whack job" mean? It means part of the vine that I had chosen for trunk development a year earlier really hadn't grown all that well. Instead, a vine that developed near the base of the trunk took off and grew a good 15 feet. It was the fattest, most good looking cane that the Crimson Seedless developed last summer.

I wasn't going to lose that good looking vine under any circumstance, so the under-performing, original trunk is now resting comfortably somewhere near the bottom of our green waste can. This means table-grape production on the Crimson will be somewhat limited this year. But -- when it comes right down to it -- that doesn't matter to me. The Crimson now has a nice trunk that should develop a nice spur over the growing season that is now upon us.

That's important.

Strong Trunk Development

In other cases -- I simply did not keep after some of the vines like I should have. I allowed bottom growth to proliferate last summer -- which was a bad move. Bottom growth steals energy from the fruiting canes above. Canes located near the ground are going to get pruned back anyway. So -- they should be pruned almost immediately after they develop. I didn't do that. This is a mistake that resulted in long, strong bottom canes and weaker-than-expected development where I wanted it: at the top of the vine.

But -- that is just one small worry. Nothing is perfect in the world of grapevine development. Some vines are going to be perfect and others - well -- not so much. The eight table grapevines have developed well in the Bird Back 40. Trunk growth is strong. They love the new home. And they provide a nice barrier to the main raised bed vegetable garden. It looks pretty during the summer months.

And when you're in the process of "coming out," the word "pretty" is pretty darned important.

The Grape Ape

Official/Unofficial Rain Gauge

That would be me -- aka -- The Grape Ape. Or as the wife that is Venus calls me -- APE (tis one of her nicer nicknames).

It's a waterlogged Sunday morning in North Natomas. Thankfully -- the skies are no longer pouring buckets of rain into an already oversaturated backyard. Although the Sacramento Bee bean counter is reporting just miniscule amounts of rainfall (is someone asleep at the switch downtown?) -- my official/unofficial rain gauge reports differently.

This wheelbarrow was last used during the construction of the Asparagus bed the weekend before last. It's the one "tool" that did not get put into its proper place -- and this is the end result of two solid weeks of non-stop stormy weather.

Memo to Sacramento Bee beancounters: That's a solid six inches by my count. Just thought you should know.

Ultimate Digging Machine at Play

I can't foray into the backyard much without putting on the special "mud shoes." The ground is far too saturated to work for any sort of gardening, but there are some minor tasks that can be taken care of. The Back 40 lawn ALWAYS needs attention thanks to the fertilizing efforts of the ultimate digging machine.

And -- oh - THOSE WEEDS! I see a bit of Monsanto in my future. Shhh! Yes, that's Bill Bird's dirty little secret. He is anything but organic. When a backyard screams for weed control such as mine does -- it gets a healthy shot of Roundup. It's either that, or invest in a goat.

Despite the heavy dose of wintry weather that we've been subjected too for the past several weeks -- I'm excited to report that things are not only doing great -- they're doing "swimmingly well." Sorry, lame joke alert. The Royal Ranier cherry tree is blossoming. Peaches are forming from the blossoms that appeared earlier on the June Pride and O'Henry Peach trees. And -- don't look now -- but we might even get a nectarine or two from our Backyard Orchard Culture experiment of last year.

Keep those fingers crossed kids!

Tablegrape Vines in 2010

But you know what really has my attention? It's the subject of this blog post (which I'm finally getting around too). The eight tablegrape vines that Venus and I planted last season are just now starting to emerge with new growth. Six of the eight vines will probably produce at least some fruit this year. The other two need a little more work.

You see -- I love grapes. I love grape juice. Grape soda was made for Bill Bird. Grape snowcones are a slice of heaven. Yet -- I hate wine. Figure that one out. Wine coolers? Those are good! Especially the old school California Cooler (which you can't find anymore, unfortunately). But wine? No thanks. I'll pass. I've never been able to explain this to myself. If I love grapes, I should have an equal love for wine, right? But it is the way it is.

I am most excited by the production that will be coming from the vine pictured to your left. That is the Crimson Red tablegrape -- one of my favorite varieties. It also happened to be the most productive last year in terms of growth. This was one of the two tablegrape varieties that actually survived the bare root planting season last year. The other six kicked the bucket and had to be replaced.

Crimson Red Seedless Tablegrape

But this one -- for some reason -- caught on. It grew like a weed. Although I did my best to keep it trimmed and focus on the growth of just one main vine (which will serve as the trunk) -- once that vine reached a height of six feet -- I let it grow in all sorts of crazy directions. The end result is a healthy and robust main vine (trunk) with three other vines protruding from the trunk itself.

I am told by others "in the know" that these vines will be my fruit producers this year. Although I've been told to "not expect much," other growers have seen photos of this vine and confirmed that I was the lucky recipient of outstanding vine growth last season. While other vines did reach out and grow beyond our 4.5 foot high trellis -- nothing performed like the Crimson Red.

Crimson Seedless in 2010



The other big producer? It should come as no suprise: Thompson Seedless. The Thompson is perhaps one of the best tablegrapes grown in the Sacramento/San Joaquin Valley. It is also the most productive. But while the Thompson also grew "like a weed" during its first year -- it did not develop the side shoots from the main trunk like the Crimson Red did. It will produce -- albeit not as much.

So what is the next step in growing tablegrapes in the Bird Back 40? Search me. I have no clue. I've never done this before. I'm relying on advice from friends (Farmer Fred Hoffman) plus a series of youtube videos that have been posted by the UC Cooperative Extension Service. Although those are helpful -- they don't necessarily deal with how second-year vines should be treated. The instructional videos -- instead -- focus on vines that have already reached full maturity. So -- the guessing game continues.

I did learn one hard lesson last season. Table and wine grapevines are susceptible to mold. I didn't notice the signs of mold until it had really taken hold on the two vines that did not top the grapvine trellis last season. Once I started treating the vines with the same Ortho Disease Control product that I use on my heirloom tomatoes -- our mold problems vanished. But it was too late for two of the vines. They grew a total of two to two-and-a-half feet.

From L-R: Thompson, Black Monukka, Fantasy, Suffolk Red



That's a far cry from the Thompson vine which eventually reached a height of ten feet. You can see that growth in the photos I took last September. The Thompson vine is that big, bushy vine closest to the camera. The two vines that did not produce well are to the far right.

Although first year growth produces a multitude of vines -- I did receive instruction to cut as many of the vines back and focus growth on one, main vine (the trunk). During my trimming efforts earlier this year -- I cut away excess vines and kept only the trunk -- and some vines that had developed off the main trunk. Again -- I'm told that these will be my fruit producers this year. The photos show that I've used green garden tape to tie these vines to the trellis.



Emerging fruit producer?

These vines are already starting to pop wide open -- despite our inclement weather. Fortunately -- due to the excess rainfall -- they haven't needed any additional irrigation. But that will change as the warmer weather sets in.

Is all the work of constructing the trellis and tending the vines worth the effort? I'll let you know later this summer, when the wife that is Venus and I are hopefully muching on a plate of tablegrapes fresh from our backyard-in-progress.

Yard DESTRUCTION!

Actually -- the name of this posting should be "Yard Construction" as this is about a yard construction project.

But -- I find I'm much better at DESTRUCTION rather than actual CONSTRUCTION -- hence the name. I just have it in me I suppose. The wisest of intentions just goes terribly wrong whenever I'm set loose in the Back 40 with a shovel.

You can see the latest destruction project to your right. This is BARE ROOT season folks. Bill & Venus Bird are just not content with the eight fruit trees and four citrus trees in the front and backyard. Nope! There's gotta be more, more, more, more!!!

Sound greedy? Good. Cause -- we are. And -- perhaps mildly insane.

But the thing with Bare Root season is this: Your window of opportunity is short and sweet. Unending weeks of rain and snow have taken up a lot of it. We've got about another week or so left before fruit trees bust out in Bloom City -- and that means bare root season has passed you buy.

I'll keep this short and sweet -- because -- to be honest -- I shouldn't be sitting here typing. I should be in the backyard -- DIGGING. This irrigation project is now complete. What comes next is driving posts into the ground. After that? Stringing up some wire between the posts. And after that?

The table grapes arrive.

I'm a sucker for table grapes. I hate wine -- but I LOVE grape soda. A fine Chardonnay for you Mr. Bird? No thanks -- but I'll take a grape snowcone if you got one. The kid in me who used to by grape snowcones for ten cents each from "Smitty" never did quite grow up. I've always wanted tablegrapes. Now I will finally get them in my own backyard.

Oh -- and not just any tablegrapes either. These seedless varieties are actually offshoots of the old seeded varieties that ruled the Sacramento Valley. Names like Ribier, Tokay and Norwegian are nothing but old street names in my hometown of Modesto now. But -- at one time -- it represented a field of grapevines.

That includes the "Venus" tablegrape that was released to the public for the first time in 1977 and has slowly been making its way west. Is it the best tasting tablegrape on the planet? No -- but it carries the wife's lovely name. Therefore -- it's a keeper in the backyard of Bird.

Now -- the thing is -- I've never planted or grown any type of grape before. Like most things -- you just can't "plant and ferget." If you want grapes -- you need to care for them. You've got to grow them correctly. In other words -- you've got to love them -- or they will not love you back.

The number one piece of advice I heard from backyard arborists? Make sure the water source and stakes are installed first BEFORE digging one hole for a grapevine. Thus -- YARD DESTRUCTION man went into business one fine day in between rainstorms.

I had already come to the conclusion that I could not tap into the drip tubing that I have installed against the fenceline. This is a line that I had to split last summer because I had tapped into so much for other watering purposes -- I was losing pressure on the line.

Therefore -- the closest source of water that I hadn't yet overutilized was located inside the main planter area -- where I normally plant the bulk of my spring and summer gardens (including those wonderful heirloom tomatoes). But this also presented a vexing problem. I had already covered this area with five yards of bark. I never thought that I would need to tap into those lines.

Note to self: The word "never" is a term that should be eliminated from gardening lingo.

The bottom line? I needed to tap into that line. Know what this means? It means raking away whatever bark that hasn't sunk into the soil -- so you can access a clay soil that has the consistency of a jello-like concrete during the rainy season. The good? It's easy to cut through with a trenching shovel. The bad? Each shovel full weighs a metric ton. Worse yet -- the clay sticks to the shovel like glue.

There is a *special* time of year in the backyard where the soil is at perfect condition for digging. It's damp enough where the soil comes up easily and breaks apart into a fine dirt. But it's dry enough where it falls from the shovel with ease -- and is light and airy.

This *special* time of year lasts for approximately 30-seconds every year. And wouldn't you know it? I've missed that window of opportunity every single year. When I start digging? It's either as hard as lava cap or wet like sticky molasses. I'm not going to fool you. This isn't easy work.

But it's the payoff that keeps you going. Soon -- the vines -- which have already arrived from Bay Laurel Nursery and are sitting in shed belonging to Carri Stokes -- will be planted. I don't expect anything out of these vines in the first year. I don't expect a whole bunch in Year Two either.

But by Year 3? Baby, it's grape soda time.

In case you're interested, the varieties I'm planting are the aforementioned Venus (pictured above), Thompson (2), Red Flame, Suffolk Red, Crimson, Fantasy and Black Monukka.