Choppin' Broccoli

Dana Carvey Performs The Lady I Know

It is one of my most favorite skits from Saturday Night Live past. Comedian Dana Carvey performs the timeless classic of "The Lady I Know," otherwise known by its second and more popular name: Choppin' Broccoli. That skit -- which he still performs during his live shows -- is guaranteed to bring a bundle of laughs. Even though the song is nothing more than a repeat of the lines: "Choppin' Broccoli."

I guess it's the genius of Dana Carvey. See him perform his timeless classic -- with a full band behind him no less -- here on the Tonight Show with fellow SNL alum Jimmy Fallon.

Broccoli From the Bird Back 40

I'm reminded of this timeless classic every time I pull out a head of broccoli for one of our favorite meals or side dishes. This is broccoli season in California. You can find it for dirt cheap in most grocery stores -- and you can find it growing in the dirt that comprises the Bird Back 40. We're not just growing broccoli, the wife that is Venus and I have been gifted with the greatest of broccoli harvests in Bird Back 40 history. I've never grown broccoli like this before -- even though I've tried before (and failed somewhat miserably I might add).

So what am I doing different this year as compared to past years in the garden? Good question. I'm not really sure. Perhaps we just planted seeds and starter plants at the right time this year. Perhaps waiting until early spring to start our broccoli crops wasn't the best of ideas. Perhaps we should have started our broccoli growing efforts in the early fall -- as we did this year.

Bird Back 40 Broccoli Patch

I must admit -- I had my doubts. Although I did "cheat" somewhat this year and purchased a six pack of broccoli plant starters from Emigh's ACE Hardware in Carmichael -- Venus also scattered broccoli seed over a wide swath in one of the 4X8 gardening beds. The end result is we have about 10-15 broccoli plants that are sporting the best looking heads of broccoli I've ever seen. There's no bug damage on the crowns either -- which is another big plus.

The first doubts surfaced just after planting our starter plants in early October. Those small plants were immediately attacked by an invading horde of ravenously hungry slugs and snails. Spreading out some pet-safe slug and snail bait helped minimize the damage somewhat, but it wasn't totally foolproof. The leaves on the broccoli plants are peppered with slug and snail damaged holes. But those broccoli crowns -- that tasty meal we yearn for -- haven't been touched.

Freshly Harvested From the Bird Back 40

Why? I have no idea. I do not profess to be a Zen-Garden master. I only plant, irrigate, spread out some slug bait and wait. Whatever happens -- happens. I might also add that the gardening cat known as Lenny -- the wife's ultra spoiled Maine Coon furball of a cat -- also loved digging up those starter plants at the first opportunity. And you thought gardening was easy? Perish the thought. Between the slugs, snails and Lenny's incessant garden attacks, it's a wonder that any of the starter plants or plants grown from seed survived.

Broccoli was one of the first vegetables that I actually consumed as a child. Mom didn't grow it. She didn't buy it fresh either. Nope -- our broccoli in 1970's Modesto came from the blocks of frozen broccoli chunks that are still sold in stores today. That was an easy vegetable fix for a single mother of four children who had been forced into the world of full-time employment. At first -- as I recall -- I wouldn't touch the stuff. However -- when mother resorted to sprinkling this broccoli with processed lemon juice -- well, it was heaven at first bite. I couldn't get enough.

A New Wok for Christmas

It's been a long journey -- from frozen blocks of broccoli chunks to freshly grown broccoli from the backyard. I'll still douse the end result with lemon in some cases -- but I'm also partial to an herbed broccoli recipe that I stumbled across one day in one of the original Betty Crocker cookbooks (this is before Betty sold out to commercial interests). Broccoli Beef -- which we made just the other night from scratch using freshly harvested broccoli heads and grass-fed beef (flank steak) from Chaffin Family Orchards north of Oroville -- was a gastrointestinal delight to be sure.

Short and sweet? There are one million and one uses for broccoli. And given that we appear to have an unlimited supply in the Bird Back 40 (I am a tad concerned about how freezing temperatures will affect these plants) -- the end result will hopefully be a winter full of meals featuring freshly grown broccoli and other greens.

Which means I'll be chopping a lot of broccoli to the tune of "The Lady I Know."

Recipe for Herbed Broccoli:

Author's note: We always double, triple or even quadruple the amount of garlic in this recipe because, well, you can never get enough garlic in my humble opinion! We also double up on the spices.

1 lb. steamed broccoli

2 tablespoons olive oil

1 teaspoon dried basil leaves

1 teaspoon dried oregano leaves

1 teaspoon dried marjoram leaves

1/2 teaspoon salt (do not double)

2 cloves of garlic, crushed

2 Roma type tomatoes, chopped

Directions: Mix oil, herbs, salt, garlic and chopped tomatoes and set aside. Steam fresh broccoli on high heat for four minutes and remove to a serving dish immediately. Add tomato-herb mixture, mix well and enjoy!

The Big Tomato Payoff

Heirloom Tomatoes-Bird Back 40

Break it Down! Stop! Tomato Time!

Is your garden like mine? Heirloom tomatoes coming out of your ears? It is that time of year for us heirloom aficionados. Long after the hybrids have played out and stopped producing, the heirlooms move in and take over -- delivering harvest after harvest after harvest.

And if the weather holds? Yet another harvest!

What does one do when nature delivers a boatload of heirloom tomato goodness? A couple like yours truly and the wife that is Venus drags out the canning equipment and starts preparing for some very big canning projects. We can't eat 50 tomatoes in one or two sittings. But we'll make darn sure that each one of them finds it's way into a canning jar of whole tomatoes, tomato sauces or salsa.

First Steps: Wash and Core Tomatoes

There's nothing quite like a warm bite of salsa on a Monday Night Football game played in a snowstorm. That's the payoff, my friends, the big tomato payoff.

This most recent project pays homage to a home-canning professional by the name of Sharon Howard, who plied her trade during decades of gardening in the Alberta, Canada area. I first became aware of Sharon many moons ago when I grabbed one of her recipes for canning dill pickles. She was kind enough to share many tomato sauce and stewed tomato canning recipes that were decades old, resulting in some of the most ridiculously delicious sauces we have ever created.

But on this particular day last August -- the job facing us was fairly simple. My back had healed up to the point where I could actually bend and pick a bounty of a harvest without a nerve or a disc flying off the handle and into the next backyard. The job on this day would be placing as many whole tomatoes into one-quart canning jars and processing the haul through a pressure canning process.

Skinned Tomatoes

The most tedious part of this process would be removing the skins from the actual tomatoes. That's job I leave up to the wife that is Venus. My job is to boil said tomatoes first, in a pot of water. Then place those tomatoes I've stuck in boiling water for one minute into an ice water bath.

With perfect red, round and smooth tomatoes -- those skins will slip off quite easily. But heirloom tomatoes aren't red. They aren't round either. And they are anything but smooth. Heirloom tomatoes are rather unwieldy, cat-faced beasts. It makes the job of peeling off the skins a little tougher, but it's still well worth the effort when those cold winter months roll into town.

Pack Each Jar Full!

As you might be able to guess, this process takes a little time with 50-100 freshly harvested tomatoes. But as we've come to learn in previous years, anything less than 20 one-quart jars of whole tomatoes is going to leave us short when we need them. And I cannot tell you how much I detest the assignment of driving to the store (in cold weather no less) to pick up a can or two of whole or sliced tomatoes.

And do you think our sauces are going to taste as good with something that came out of a common cannery? Perish the thought! Yep -- we're spoiled alright. Mighty spoiled. But it's also spoiled in a good way.

Summer Goodness in a Jar

After the skins are off -- the task gets fairly simple. Once those one-quart jars are washed and sterilized through the boiling water bath process, it's time to add a tablespoon or two of processed lemon juice to each jar, cram them with as many peeled tomatoes as possible, wipe the rims of each jar, seal and process through a 30-minute pressure canning process.

Then end result on this day? 18 quarts of whole tomatoes. Add those 18 quarts to five others that we had put through the canning process earlier this summer, and the Bird household is stocked with whole tomatoes for winter use.

Under Pressure

Ah -- but that's just part of the canning process. Because you can't make a tomato-good pizza sauce without adding a little finished tomato SAUCE to those whole tomatoes. Know what that means? It means another harvest is three weeks off.

You think sauce is important? Well, don't ask me! Rob Schneider of Saturday Night Live fame made sauce famous with his signature lines from skit involving a restaurant called "Hub's Gyros: "You like a de sauce, eh? De sauce is good, eh? I get you more sauce!" Three simple lines. Non-stop laughter.

Simple instructions for canning whole tomatoes can be found here and here.

FOOTBALL!!! SALSA!!! FOOTBALL!!! SALSA!!!

Fresh Produce from the Bird Garden!

One of my favorite skits from Saturday Night Live involves the key lines of: "You Like-a De Sauce? De Sauce is Good!" It came from some lame skit featuring Rob "Deuce Bigelow" Schneider as a cook at a Greek Restaraunt -- but for some reason it plays on in my head even now.

Perhaps it's because Bill N' Venus are always in search of the "perfect sauce." De Sauce is good, eh?

In honor of NFL Kickoff Thursday -- not only does the blog Sacramento Vegetable Gardening provide you with some timely music to get ready for tonight's kickoff between the Vikings and the Super Bowl Champion Saints -- but a mighty fine and tasty recipe for the best salsa on the planet bar none. I give you Roasted Garlic and Heirloom Tomato Salsa. Yes -- the recipe is located below...

Of course -- I must admit -- I'm just a tad biased. This is -- after all -- my own recipe -- combined with a "canning safe" recipe called Annie's Salsa.

Nothing against Annie mind you -- but mine is better.

Why am I so souped up about this salsa? Well -- for one thing -- it's kind of nice to make something that is almost exclusively pulled from the backyard garden. From the tomatoes to the peppers -- the garlic to the onions -- the basil to the cilantro and dill weed -- nearly everything in this jar of salsa comes straight from the raised beds in the Backyard of Bird.

That's satisfaction...

Mix of Bell Peppers

The first step in the process is selecting the right kind of produce -- and that hasn't been an easy task this year because -- well -- the weather just hasn't been all that cooperative. But -- our summer garden finally started to kick into high production two weeks ago and -- I'll be honest -- we've been busy. Sure -- we can give stuff to neighbors -- which we have. But there's nothing like saving summertime produce for a sweet treat in the dead of winter.

The peppers to your left include a mix of your standard green -- yellow and red bells plus a few heirloom varieties. Pictured above right -- and in the center of this photo -- is a key ingredient in this year's salsa creation: three different kinds of Jalapeno peppers that will give this salsa the spicy BITE that just about everyone craves.

The tomato selection plays a key role in the production of this salsa as well. It's no secret that the best heirloom tomatoes make for the best salsa. Short and sweet? Heirloom tomatoes have a better taste than your standard hybrids -- and it's a taste that is retained even after cooking over a hot stove.

The tomato varieties used for this year's creation include -- but are not limited too -- Brandywine, Black Sea Man, Oxheart, Black Krim, Mortgage Lifter, Campbell's 1327 and Druzba. We have also used cherry tomatoes for our salsa creation on occassion -- but not for this particular batch. We didn't need them.

Now -- the only warning that I have for you children is this: If you're going to try this at home -- canning a salsa -- FOLLOW LABEL DIRECTIONS. In other words -- don't deviate from the recipe. A little extra scoop of peppers or onions isn't going to hurt mind you -- but it's critically important that you maintain the balance of acidic items to non-acidic items.

The acidic items in Roasted Garlic and Heirloom Tomato Salsa include the tomatoes themselves, the canned tomato sauce and the one cup of processed lemon juice. You can also substitute white vinegar for the lemon juice -- but not lime juice. Why? Lime juice -- although acidic -- doesn't carry the same acid content as processed lemon juice. It's also critically important that canners use processed lemon juice -- not lemons that you've squeezed on your own. Again -- it comes down to maintaining the correct acid content -- or pH balance -- in each jar of salsa.

The Finished Product!

The non-acidic items in this creation include the peppers, onions, garlic and fresh herbs. There are some home-food canners who will not have anything to do with garlic -- simply because it can play havoc with the acid content in any given jar of salsa. With our salsa creation -- however -- the garlic is roasted in the oven at high temperatures for a good hour. This gives it the consistency of a grainy toothpaste -- making it very easy to squeeze directly into a pot of salsa on the stove. One squeeze and you're done.

One other final note before we get to the recipe? Venus and I have experimented through the years with a number of hot peppers to give our salsa that proper "kick in the pants." You would think that five or six finely grated Habanero peppers would set just about anyone's mouth ablaze -- and with fresh salsa -- it would.

But -- the problem is that many so-called "hot peppers" loose that all important blaze after they've been cooked on an open flame for ten minutes or more. Yes -- this includes the Habanero -- which is one of the hottest peppers in the pepper family. Food researchers will tell you that it's the capsaicin in the peppers that makes them hot -- but not all peppers are created equally.

Boiling Water Bath Processing

After a disappointing canning effort two years ago using Habanero peppers -- Venus and I turned to the Red Thai Chili peppers last year. These are routinely used in Thai cooking and appear to retain that all important "heat element" during the cooking process. But -- again we were foiled. Venus and I added 30 red Thai peppers to one salsa creation last year -- seeds included -- in what we had labeled "Volcanic Salsa."

Much to our chagrin -- the Volcano was named Pipsqueak. The peppers lost much of their bite during the cooking -- and subsquent Boiling Water Bath processing.

This year? Venus and I turned to the Jalapeno pepper. We used three different varieties: Mucho Nacho -- Purple or Chocolate and standard Jalapeno. The jalapeno pepper isn't the hottest variety on the market -- not hardly -- but so far it appears to have withstood the boiling and BWB process without losing much heat.

All of gardening -- and garden creation -- is an experiment. So we will label this one as "wait and see." If our salsa is still making people reach for a cold vat of beer during the Super Bowl? We know it will have passed the true *heat* test.

And now? Without fail -- the recipe (and instructions):

Roasted Garlic and Heirloom Tomato Salsa

8 cups processed heirloom tomatoes

1 1/2 cups chopped onion

1 1/2 cups chopped peppers -- green-yellow-red-anything from the garden will work (half roasted, half fresh)

3 – 5 chopped Habanero peppers or jalapenos (we prefer a HOT salsa -- so we used 13-15 Jalapeno peppers)

2 heads garlic

3 tsp cumin

1 tablespoon liquid smoke

3 tsp pepper

1/8 cup canning salt

¼ cup chopped fresh cilantro, basil and dill weed

1 cup lemon juice (for Boil Water Bath processing or 1/3 cup vinegar for Pressure Canner)

16 oz. tomato sauce

Directions:

Cut tops off heads of garlic revealing tops of garlic inside. Drizzle with olive oil and roast at 400 degrees for one hour. Remove cover after roasting and allow garlic to cool, as you will need to handle it.

Canned Salsa Ready for Storage

Roast 10-12 green, red or yellow peppers on grill until skins are browned on each side. You may use a combination of peppers from the garden -- whatever you have or like. Place roasted peppers in paper shopping bag after roasting and close tightly. Allow peppers to cool for 30 minutes. This will result in 3/4 cup of peppers.

Boil tomatoes to remove skin or process tomatoes to remove skins and seed. Process well in a food processor -- add tomatoes to cooking pot.

Squeeze garlic into cooking pot, peel seed and process roasted peppers and add to pot -- add remaining fresh and hot peppers and all other ingredients. Bring to a boil -- boil for ten minutes.

Process jars in a Boiling Water Bath (BWB) for ten minutes -- drain. Pour salsa into hot jars and process at 10 lbs of pressure for 30 minutes for pints. Or BWB 30-40 minutes. Makes 6 1/2 pints.

NOTE: We have also put jars -- lids and rings through the hot cycle of the dishwasher and pulled them directly out after a high heat dry (they're quite hot -- so be careful) and filled each jar with salsa before the final BWB processing. Place lids in a small pot covered with water and bring to a near boil before removing each one to place on top of a salsa filled jar. Secure well with rings -- then process.

SECONDARY NOTE: Jars of Roasted Garlic and Heirloom Tomato Salsa were submitted to Anresco Food Testing Laboratory in San Francisco in December, 2008 for pH and pathogen testing. The lab tests results -- pictured below -- show a successful pH level of 3.81 was obtained (canned products must contain a pH of 4.6 or below). Further pathogen testing revealed a Standard Plate Count of less than 100.

Are you ready for some FOOTBALL???

pH Test Results

 

SPC Test Results