The Most Interesting Tomato Plant of the Month!

Most Interesting Tomato Plant

It's got nothing on the Most Interesting Man in the World advertising campaign run by Dos Equis Beer. It's not smooth. It's anything but suave. However, it may leave you with the lasting image of "grow tomatoes, my friends."

The Most Interesting Tomato Plant of the Month is featured to your immediate right. What makes it the most Interesting Tomato Plant of the Month? Take a close look at that photo. Does that tomato plant look normal? If it looks like it needs a good drink of water, or it's about to up and DIE on me, congratulations! You too have noticed something odd. There's something not quite right here.

Believe it or not, this plant gets the same amount of water and care that other healthy looking plants in the 2022 garden get. So, you may be asking, why in HADES does it WILT like that? Tomato plants that show signs of severe wilt are not something a tomato grower wants to see. It means something isn't quite right in Dodge City, or "Houston, we have a problem."

Help Me! I'm Dying!

The Most Interesting Tomato Plant of the Month is a gift from my tomato growing friend, Nels Christensen. We have deduced that the name of this particular variety is called the Korean Long. Now, don't get me wrong, but I know what you're thinking. A name like that automatically induces the thought of "OH, THAT MUST BE A REALLY GOOD TOMATO!!!!" Not so fast, my friends.

As it turns out, the Korean Long plant in the Christensen garden is exhibiting the same characteristics. It's wilting. Badly wilting. Like my Korean Long plant, the Christensen plant looks like it could keel off and die at any moment. Which leads the both of us to believe that the plant is SUPPPOSED to look like this. The wilt is normal. Nothing to see here, folks.

That leads us back to the name: Korean Long. Does this, perchance, mean this variety hails from Korea? It might. Nobody really knows the history behind this plant. Plenty of growers are searching for it. Nobody has come up with anything yet, other than the conclusion that this variety must hail from somewhere in Korea. Which could be right. It could also be wrong. This could be a case of wonderful marketing.

Paste Tomato. Meh.

Short and sweet? The Korean Long is a PASTE TOMATO. Don't get me wrong here, but I normally do not swoon over paste tomatoes. It's the same thing that commercial farmers grow by the tens of thousands in the six-county, Sacramento region. All of these paste tomatoes have a date with cannery operations located north and south. They will eventually wind up in grocery stores across the nation as cans of tomato paste, tomato sauce or tomato chunks.

Call me a tomato snob, but paste varieties really don't excite me much as an heirloom tomato grower. Given a choice, I'd much rather have slices or chunks of vine-ripened Brandywine, Black Krim or Mariana's Peace tomatoes. I have a feeling that most tomato snobs (or snots, if you prefer), would make the exact same choice. It's not like paste tomatoes are the tomato of choice in your high end restaurants either. "Give me a salad featuring your finest paste tomatoes," said no tomato snob (snot), ever.

I do have a strong suspicion that the name of Korean Long may have resulted from a marketing brainstorm session at one of many seed suppliers in the good ol' USA. I've attended many meetings like this. It could have gone a little like this:

Marketing Guru #1: "Boss, we've got this new tomato seed that just came in from Korea!"

Sales Manager: "It's a paste tomato. We've got a million seeds in stock that are also paste tomatoes. Everyone grows paste tomatoes. What makes this one so special?"

Marketing Guru #2: "Well, it is from Korea. I think. Instead of calling it a common paste tomato, how about the name of Korean Long?"

Sales Manager: "Brilliant idea! You've earned a promotion! Stick it with the name of Korean Long and add another $1 surcharge to the seed price!"

The Korean Long

Before you dismiss this idea as far-fetched, be advised that it's the same brilliant kind of thinking that resulted in the marketing campaign of: Garden Plants That Deter Mosquitoes. If you forked over $5 for any plant that supposedly deters mosquitoes, you've been duped my friends. No plant deters mosquitoes. Plants attract mosquitoes, and other fine friends.

But this does give me a really good idea. How about a tomato plant that deters mosquitoes? Would you shell out a few extra $$ for that? Or, better yet, a tomato plant that deters midnight raids by rats and other garden pests?

I think I'm onto something here!

The Ballad of Frick and Frack

Frick and Frack

Warning! Cuteness Overload! And, perhaps a bit of sadness.

I write the following today to remember a great love and friendship before it has time to pass from my mind, as most things do as we move on in life. Pictured to the right are Frick and Frack. It really doesn't matter who "Frick" or "Frack" is. What is important is that tender, and rare, relationship between cat and dog who find each other at the right time.

Frick and Frack at rest. A rare moment.

We didn't do this by design. That would have been far too easy and somewhat impossible. This relationship was completely by chance. It just worked. Somehow, it just worked. The decade that followed was pure magic.

The dog, Bandana, a "Heinz 57" mix of herding breeds, was discovered on a working horse ranch in Southern Oregon. His owner, Tenaya Yager, made the painful decision to part with him during our 2010 visit. Lenny, the Maine Coon cat, was a gift from Mary Beth Barber. She discovered a litter of feral kittens in the sub-basment beneath her Sacramento home in 2011. She rescued them and bottle-fed and cared for each one before presenting Lenny as a gift.

The Kiss

The cats that my ex-wife, Venus, and I had at home never did care for Bandana after we brought her home. That is a kind way of describing it. Outright revolt, revulsion and disowning us as cat owners would be a more correct description. But all of that changed a year after adopting Bandana when we opened our home to Lenny. One lick from Bandana was all it took, and the legend of Frick and Frack was born. The two immediately fell in love with one another and were constant companions and partners in crime. They never left each other's side.

I thank the Good Lord that digital photography came into vogue by 2011. Otherwise, we would have enriched the makers of Kodak or Polaroid film by another million bucks or two. Frick and Frack would come to dominate photos and social media postings over the next decade. Who could possibly ignore that cuteness overload? The two would get into one adorable pose after another, usually around dinner or snack time. Or, if they wanted something we were eating at the dinner table. Which is usually what Frick and Frack did at dinner time 365 days a year. These two had discovered a couple of human SUCKERS, and took full advantage of it.

Frack on Frick

Here is a photo of Frick and Frack on the couch. Or a photo of Frick and Frack on the floor. Oh look! Frick and Frack are curled up on the bed together! Here are Frick and Frack outside, checking out the garden. "Is that dog lying on top of that cat???" This is a common question we received on Facebook, Twitter, Google or any other place we deposited multitudes of pet photos. "Why yes she is," came our response. "Pay no mind," we would respond. "They just want snacks." What we didn't say is that most of the time Frick and Frack were rewarded with any snack they wanted.

Did You Say Snacks?

If these two partners in pet crime weren't in one adorable pose or another, they were usually putting on one of their typical Battle Royale rumbles in the living or dining room. It would start when Frack would chomp on Frick's fuzzy tail and pull on it like a tug toy, which ultimately resulted in a massive, full-claw return swat from Frick. The battle was on. Or, sometimes it was Frick who put on his best Tiger Tank Surprise Attack from the rear, hitting Frack full-force when she wasn't looking or was peacefully sleeping. The battle, which never really ended between the two, was on again. The two proceeded to roll around on the floor for the next 5-10 minutes, usually knocking over whatever was in their path. Many chairs and even one Christmas tree met its demise when these two decided it was time for non-stop action.

Wandering the Garden

The battle took on a new form whenever we took Frack (the dog) for a walk. Frick would follow for awhile, but never lose sight of his home. It wasn't that he was scared, he just preferred to stay behind and plan his attack after Frack returned 30 minutes later. Frack always suspected that Frick would be up to something, waiting to unleash a surprise attack. Frick would never disappoint Frack, launching himself from underneath a bush, a parked car, from behind a pillar of bricks and, at least one time, with a flying leap from the roof. I have to admit, I was surprised with that mode of attack myself.

No matter how brutal the previous play session had been, Frick and Frack always made sure to position themselves into the most ridiculous and adorable pose possible after play time subsided and dinner time arrived. That's just who they were. They spent a lifetime irritating and loving one another. They were never apart. They were always by each other's side.

Chairs are for Frick and Frack

Did I mention how carefully they planned an assault on the vegetable garden AFTER Venus and I had carefully planted tomato plant starters on top of smelly fish heads? On the best garden advice available at the time? We came home the next day to find 16-tomato plants dug out of raised beds and a few paltry bits of those fish heads that we thought we had buried deeply enough to guard against theft. The culprits had dirty paws and full bellies. Frick and Frack had struck again. It was a team effort.

Stop here. Don't read any further. Because all good things do eventually come to a tragic end. I will keep this as short as I can.

Your bed? Not anymore!

As the years flew by, the play and antics subsided somewhat. Play time morphed into a lot of nap time for the both of them. But, they were still together. There came a point, however, where Bandana, the Frack, grew tired. A limp that developed after she had stumbled into a gopher hole worsened. Herding dogs like Border Collies, McNab Shepherds and Aussie Shepherds are very hyperactive as young adults. But when they begin to slide downhill, the end seems to take place very quickly. Bandana was no different. Frack passed in February of this year. I held her close as she took her last breath. I promised I would never forget the "Blonde Bombshell." The neighborhood children simply adored her.

Although I gave Frick all the love and attention I possibly could after losing his Frack, he followed a short time later. His last act was to crawl underneath my bed, where Frack had spent part of her final year. It's where he drew his last breath. That was yesterday. I'm a still a bit emotional at the moment, so please forgive me. I'm not going to bore you with all the visits to the veterinarian that took place and all the solutions that were prescribed over the last six months. Needless to say, none of them worked. It's tough to heal a broken heart.

Frick with his new Frack

I can only say that I tried my best to engage Frick. At one point I even adopted another Frack from the Bradshaw Animal Shelter in Sacramento County. It stopped Frick's slide. For a little while. But it wasn't enough. It wasn't the answer. I don't know if there was a solution. If there was one, I didn't find it.

We never forgot the kindness of both Tenaya and Mary Beth. They were reminded of the gifts they had bestowed every time a picture was posted on any social media account, which must have numbered in the hundreds through the years. We made sure that both saw each ridiculous Frick and Frack pose and moment.

"I talk about Bandana a lot," Tenaya admitted after calling to console me following Frack's passing last February. "The decision I made to give her to you was a validation of what I would become. I unite pets with people."

Marybeth also checked in to thank me for being a good cat "papa."

This relationship between dog and cat is not unique. Perhaps  you have been graced by a Frick and Frack in your lifetime. It is my sincere hope that you have. I have had no greather joy in life than to witness the love and joy that Frick and Frack demonstrated time and again. They are just memories now. Memories that I will never forget. I have to move on now. I will move on. But I will never forget.