The Ballad of Frick and Frack

Frick and Frack

Warning! Cuteness Overload! And, perhaps a bit of sadness.

I write the following today to remember a great love and friendship before it has time to pass from my mind, as most things do as we move on in life. Pictured to the right are Frick and Frack. It really doesn't matter who "Frick" or "Frack" is. What is important is that tender, and rare, relationship between cat and dog who find each other at the right time.

Frick and Frack at rest. A rare moment.

We didn't do this by design. That would have been far too easy and somewhat impossible. This relationship was completely by chance. It just worked. Somehow, it just worked. The decade that followed was pure magic.

The dog, Bandana, a "Heinz 57" mix of herding breeds, was discovered on a working horse ranch in Southern Oregon. His owner, Tenaya Yager, made the painful decision to part with him during our 2010 visit. Lenny, the Maine Coon cat, was a gift from Mary Beth Barber. She discovered a litter of feral kittens in the sub-basment beneath her Sacramento home in 2011. She rescued them and bottle-fed and cared for each one before presenting Lenny as a gift.

The Kiss

The cats that my ex-wife, Venus, and I had at home never did care for Bandana after we brought her home. That is a kind way of describing it. Outright revolt, revulsion and disowning us as cat owners would be a more correct description. But all of that changed a year after adopting Bandana when we opened our home to Lenny. One lick from Bandana was all it took, and the legend of Frick and Frack was born. The two immediately fell in love with one another and were constant companions and partners in crime. They never left each other's side.

I thank the Good Lord that digital photography came into vogue by 2011. Otherwise, we would have enriched the makers of Kodak or Polaroid film by another million bucks or two. Frick and Frack would come to dominate photos and social media postings over the next decade. Who could possibly ignore that cuteness overload? The two would get into one adorable pose after another, usually around dinner or snack time. Or, if they wanted something we were eating at the dinner table. Which is usually what Frick and Frack did at dinner time 365 days a year. These two had discovered a couple of human SUCKERS, and took full advantage of it.

Frack on Frick

Here is a photo of Frick and Frack on the couch. Or a photo of Frick and Frack on the floor. Oh look! Frick and Frack are curled up on the bed together! Here are Frick and Frack outside, checking out the garden. "Is that dog lying on top of that cat???" This is a common question we received on Facebook, Twitter, Google or any other place we deposited multitudes of pet photos. "Why yes she is," came our response. "Pay no mind," we would respond. "They just want snacks." What we didn't say is that most of the time Frick and Frack were rewarded with any snack they wanted.

Did You Say Snacks?

If these two partners in pet crime weren't in one adorable pose or another, they were usually putting on one of their typical Battle Royale rumbles in the living or dining room. It would start when Frack would chomp on Frick's fuzzy tail and pull on it like a tug toy, which ultimately resulted in a massive, full-claw return swat from Frick. The battle was on. Or, sometimes it was Frick who put on his best Tiger Tank Surprise Attack from the rear, hitting Frack full-force when she wasn't looking or was peacefully sleeping. The battle, which never really ended between the two, was on again. The two proceeded to roll around on the floor for the next 5-10 minutes, usually knocking over whatever was in their path. Many chairs and even one Christmas tree met its demise when these two decided it was time for non-stop action.

Wandering the Garden

The battle took on a new form whenever we took Frack (the dog) for a walk. Frick would follow for awhile, but never lose sight of his home. It wasn't that he was scared, he just preferred to stay behind and plan his attack after Frack returned 30 minutes later. Frack always suspected that Frick would be up to something, waiting to unleash a surprise attack. Frick would never disappoint Frack, launching himself from underneath a bush, a parked car, from behind a pillar of bricks and, at least one time, with a flying leap from the roof. I have to admit, I was surprised with that mode of attack myself.

No matter how brutal the previous play session had been, Frick and Frack always made sure to position themselves into the most ridiculous and adorable pose possible after play time subsided and dinner time arrived. That's just who they were. They spent a lifetime irritating and loving one another. They were never apart. They were always by each other's side.

Chairs are for Frick and Frack

Did I mention how carefully they planned an assault on the vegetable garden AFTER Venus and I had carefully planted tomato plant starters on top of smelly fish heads? On the best garden advice available at the time? We came home the next day to find 16-tomato plants dug out of raised beds and a few paltry bits of those fish heads that we thought we had buried deeply enough to guard against theft. The culprits had dirty paws and full bellies. Frick and Frack had struck again. It was a team effort.

Stop here. Don't read any further. Because all good things do eventually come to a tragic end. I will keep this as short as I can.

Your bed? Not anymore!

As the years flew by, the play and antics subsided somewhat. Play time morphed into a lot of nap time for the both of them. But, they were still together. There came a point, however, where Bandana, the Frack, grew tired. A limp that developed after she had stumbled into a gopher hole worsened. Herding dogs like Border Collies, McNab Shepherds and Aussie Shepherds are very hyperactive as young adults. But when they begin to slide downhill, the end seems to take place very quickly. Bandana was no different. Frack passed in February of this year. I held her close as she took her last breath. I promised I would never forget the "Blonde Bombshell." The neighborhood children simply adored her.

Although I gave Frick all the love and attention I possibly could after losing his Frack, he followed a short time later. His last act was to crawl underneath my bed, where Frack had spent part of her final year. It's where he drew his last breath. That was yesterday. I'm a still a bit emotional at the moment, so please forgive me. I'm not going to bore you with all the visits to the veterinarian that took place and all the solutions that were prescribed over the last six months. Needless to say, none of them worked. It's tough to heal a broken heart.

Frick with his new Frack

I can only say that I tried my best to engage Frick. At one point I even adopted another Frack from the Bradshaw Animal Shelter in Sacramento County. It stopped Frick's slide. For a little while. But it wasn't enough. It wasn't the answer. I don't know if there was a solution. If there was one, I didn't find it.

We never forgot the kindness of both Tenaya and Mary Beth. They were reminded of the gifts they had bestowed every time a picture was posted on any social media account, which must have numbered in the hundreds through the years. We made sure that both saw each ridiculous Frick and Frack pose and moment.

"I talk about Bandana a lot," Tenaya admitted after calling to console me following Frack's passing last February. "The decision I made to give her to you was a validation of what I would become. I unite pets with people."

Marybeth also checked in to thank me for being a good cat "papa."

This relationship between dog and cat is not unique. Perhaps  you have been graced by a Frick and Frack in your lifetime. It is my sincere hope that you have. I have had no greather joy in life than to witness the love and joy that Frick and Frack demonstrated time and again. They are just memories now. Memories that I will never forget. I have to move on now. I will move on. But I will never forget.

Can't You Just Taste That???

Table Grape Cluster-Thompson Vine

I know I can! Know what that is pictured to the right peeps? That, my friends, is a cluster. Not just any cluster mind you. And not the kind of cluster that Gunny Highway (Clint Eastwood) popularized in "Heartbreak Ridge." Nope! The picture to the right represents a big, fat CLUSTER of Thompson Table Grapes. And clusters just like this one are now emerging on every shoot emerging from the Thompson Table Grape vine.

Know what that means? It means a boatload of Thompson Table Grapes come this summer. And boatloads of table grapes are not a bad thing -- at least not in my book anyway.

Haircut Needed!

The table grape clusters now emerging by the hundreds it seems from the Venus, Fantasy, Black Monukka and Diamond Muscat vines, to name a few, follow on the heels of a haircut party held several weeks ago in the Bird Back 40. These vines, which emerged last year, managed to grow and cover the sidewalk you see pictured here and there. They also managed to grow right into the nearby pluot tree. Not only did they grow into it -- tendrils from these vines wrapped themselves around pluot tree branches and grew clear to the other side of the tree.

It wasn't all that unusual then -- to see a cluster of table grapes growing inside the pluot tree. And it did make for nice conversation.

Vines Before Pruning

Properly maintained? One single table grape vine will produce anywhere from 50 to 60 lbs. of table grapes. That's more than you and I can eat in any one sitting or two or three sittings for that matter. Now -- multiply that kind of production with nine table grape vines. There comes a point in the season where it's open season on table grape production, and I can't give them away or juice them fast enough.

The trick is to make sure the vines are properly maintained. The mass of vines you see pictured above looks like a really bad haircut, or someone just got up from a hard night's sleep. Most of these vines will not survive the pruning process that takes place when you're getting your mini-vineyard ready for spring and summer production. The wood that produced last years crop gets pruned away first -- along with any vines that emerged from that wood.

Vines After Pruning

The wood that you keep are the strongest vines or runners that emerged from the top of the vine, or the runners that emerged from the trunk itself. Those are the vines you keep -- and you won't keep all of them either. Some grape growers practice spur pruning -- keeping the strongest two vines that grew from the top or "cordon." Other growers practice the cane pruning method -- keeping the strongest vines that emerged from the trunks.

In my case? I practice both. Some varieties do better with spur pruning. Still others do better with cane pruning. Through the years I've discovered that the Thompson performs best with the spur pruning method, while the Black Monukka produces best through the method of cane pruning. And, as for the Fantasy vine, it really doesn't matter. The Fantasy is going to churn out ping-pong sized grapes no matter no matter what method of pruning that I use.

Piles of Discarded Vines

The vines that I choose to keep -- those that will be this year's fruit producers -- are then tied to the cattle pen fencing that we installed some years ago for our table grape vineyard efforts. It's been one of our better gardening investments. Cattle pen fencing can hold cows in place -- and can also support several hundred lbs. of table grape production.

It takes the better part of a weekend to properly prune and tie up nine table grape vines -- plus dispose of the piles of discarded vines piled nearby. That's a big investment of time and energy -- but well worth it when table grape season arrives -- which comes in late June for the Venus vine and continues right into July and August when most of the other varieties ripen up.

Cattle Pen Fencing

These vines will be sprayed to protect against mildew and other damage. Gibberellic acid, or GA-3, an organic growth hormone that promotes cell growth, will also be used at some point. Although there has been some previous research that suggests the use of GA-3 limits production on the Fantasy vine, I have not found this to be readily apparent in the Bird Back 40. And GA-3 results in large grapes that are packed with lip-smacking natural sugars. Fantasy grapes are not only the best eating -- they make the finest table grape juice.

The crop is ready when the mockingbirds who mock me begin to raid the vines with impunity. But it really doesn't matter all that much. These vines produce so much fruit now that I can share some with our fine-feathered friends. Besides -- they're taking a risk by coming in this close. Because somewhere in those vines -- hiding beneath the leaves -- is our garden patrol cat: Lenny. And when a 25 lb. Maine Coon snags a mockingbird? It's game over -- at least as far as the mockingbird is concerned.

As the wife that is Venus would say, "that's nature." Cats chase birds. It's the natural order of things. Yes -- and we can add one more rule to that list: Bill Bird likes table grapes.