Tastes Like Christmas!

Dancy Mandarins-Bird Back 40

That's the line I heard uttered from one of my co-workers earlier this month when I handed per a portion of a freshly harvested and just peeled Dancy Mandarin. Her eyes opened wide as she proclaimed: "Tastes like Christmas!" And you know what? She was right on the money. Because the Dancy Mandarin does indeed taste like Christmas. It's just one reason why the Dancy is known as the "Christmas Tangerine."

That's the old girl, pictured to the right. And when I say "old," I am being just a tad facetious. True -- the Dancy was the first tree I ever planted in the Bird Back 40. But that was way, way, way, way back in 2007. That's right. The Dancy Mandarin officially turns eight years old this month. I found it, tucked away, in a lonely Home Depot garden section corner. It was love at first sight.

Owari Satsuma Mandarin-Bird Back 40

We've added much more since then. Take -- for example -- this tasty mandarin offering to your immediate left. That, my friends, is the Owari Satsuma. It is "allegedly" the best tasting mandarin on the planet. That's what the commercial growers are selling at the moment at all the mandarin farms scattered about Placer and Sutter Counties. You can also find them in your local grocery stores -- but don't mistake them for "Cuties" (that's a different type of mandarin called Clementine).

The Owari Satsuma is in demand for a couple of different reasons. First, it's probably the sweetest mandarin to be found anywhere. Most citrus has a sweet and sour combination. But not the Owari Satsuma. It's just sweet. That's not a bad thing -- but if you like that sour punch in your citrus -- the Owari is not your cup of tea. Another reason why it's highly desired is that it's mostly seedless. Sure -- you're going to run across one of two them in each piece of fruit. But two is better than twenty -- if you're into the seedless type of citrus.

Murcott Mandarin-Bird Back 40

Another thing the Owari Satsuma has going for it is that it can take the knockout punch of sustained freezing weather and keep right on ticking. This isn't true for many types of citrus trees. But, as it turns out, the Owari Satsuma and the Dancy can handle that icy punch and not succumb to the elements. That's a plus, as I discovered last year, when Mister Snow Miser moved into the Bird Back 40 and set up an icicle factory for the masses.

Another citrus offering to be found in the Bird Back 40 is the Murcott Mandarin. While it isn't quite as cold resistant as the Owari Satsuma or the Dancy -- it offers one big advantage. The Murcott produces tasty, delicious, mostly seedless mandarins AFTER the Owari Satsuma and Dancy have played out. That's a big plus if you enjoy picking fresh citrus from the backyard offerings. And there's nothing I like more than stepping out into the yard in the morning and falling into a deep hole the dog has dug right next to the Murcott Mandarin tree.

Dancy Mandarin, Left-Owari Satsuma Mandarin, Right

Not that I've ever done that. Stupid dog.

For some odd reason, despite the drought, this is turning out to be a record year for citrus production in California. Some Owari Satsuma growers opened their roadside stands two weeks ahead of schedule. The trees are packed with fruit. The heavy rains we've received this month have also been a blessing in disguise, as my Dancy mandarins are packed with a juicy sweetness that's been missing in previous years.

Dancy mandarins are the original "Christmas tangerine." They are the fruit that mother packed into Christmas stockings for my brother and sisters a very long time ago. We didn't get this kind of treat often as we foraged for most of our fresh fruit and citrus. But tangerines were hard to come by and not at all cheap in the late 1960's-early 1970's. They didn't last long on Christmas morning. That much I can attest too.

Christmas Day Mimosas Anyone?

This is why I always make sure that the wife that is Venus always gets two or three Dancy mandarins packed into her stocking for Christmas Day. It's a tribute to my family of the past. And then, of course, we juice those plus another 100 of them for Christmas Day mimosas featuring Spanish Cava and freshly squeezed Dancy mandarin juice.

Hey! So I started our own Christmas tradition! Something wrong with that?

What's in that Bucket?

The Homer All Purpose Bucket

Betcha can't guess what's in that bucket. You know -- THAT bucket. That Home Depot five gallon Homer bucket located to your immediate right. I have about ten of these things all over the house because, well, they're useful for holding, you know, "stuff."

In fact, the simple "Homer" bucket just might be the greatest invention ever. I know Home Depot didn't invent it, but they've put a nice patent on it with the Homer logo. They're cheap too, which is another plus. And, they hold stuff. Thing is -- this particular Homer bucket holds something quite special. Can you guess what it might be?

Venus and "The Bucket"

Home Depot stuff? No. My brother-in-law was using this particular bucket to store cat litter, but that's long since gone. Parts for PVC cages? Nope! Gardening tools? Guess again. And, keep in mind, this bucket is covered for a reason. The stuff in this bucket is highly volatile. Neighborhood cats are drawn to this bucket by an irresistible force.

Now that's the last hint that I'm going to provide for you before Venus pulls the top off this thing. Sara Stout knows what's in this bucket. She's the one that gave us this grand idea. She's the one who urged the wife that is Venus to drive all the way into South Sacramento (South Sac) and visit that "special place."

Finding Nemo

So, what's in that bucket? Well -- I'll tell you. What? You thought I was going to keep it a secret through this entire blog post? My friends, that would be cruel. Besides, I've got too big a mouth to keep anything a secret for very long. Do you remember the old joke about the three modern forms of communication? The three modern forms of communication are: telephone, telegraph and tell Bill.

There's some truth to that equation.

My friends, the stuff in this bucket is a bit of gardening gold. It's a treasure for tomato plants. It's plunder for peppers, a bonus for basil, opulence for eggplants and pure swag for squash. It is: fish guts. It is also fish heads. There are some fish tails down in that bucket. There's fish skins, fish entrails, just about every part of the fish that isn't sold at your local fish market.

Garden Gold

And it is this five gallon Homer bucket full of fish parts that is currently stinking up a storm in the Bird Back 40. We're going to let it "age" a day or two like a fine wine. When we finally take the top off this thing today, my neighbors are in for a rather putrid surprise.

I know what you're thinking. Why on God's Green Earth are we "roasting" a five gallon bucket full of fish parts? Finally gone off the deep end have we? Time for a little white jacket with straps, perhaps? A long rest and lots of medication?

Heirloom Tomato Starter Plants

Any heirloom tomato grower worth his or her salt knows exactly what this bucket is for. Those fish parts are going into the bottom of a hole that will soon hold an heirloom tomato starter plant. Every grower has his or her little secrets for soil supplements when it comes to growing great tomatoes, but the verdict on fish parts is darn near universal: this is the good stuff.

Cynthia Sandberg from Love Apple Farms in Santa Cruz raves about the use of fish heads in her tomato garden. In her words? "The fish head slowly decomposes, feeding both nitrogen and calcium to the tomato plant." Those who celebrate the day of April 20th also use this trick. Except, they're not growing tomatoes. Sara Stout claims the use of fish heads resulted in end-of-season tomato stems as thick as small trees -- and a bounty of a harvest to boot.

Bring on the Basil!

And so, my friends, I'm not too proud nor ashamed to try a little something new in the garden. If the gardening world says "add fish parts," I add fish parts. Some even suggest we add crushed eggshells. Others prefer worm castings. Adding nightcrawlers, like you find in you average bait and tackle shop, is also recommended.

Why not? It's tomato planting season, people. Bring on Nemo and his pals. It's time to get digging in the dirt.

Let's Move Them Out, Gunny!

Heirloom Tomato Plant Starters Under Cover

One of my favorite Clint Eastwood movies from all time would have to be Heartbreak Ridge. I simply cannot get enough of Eastwood's character. I find myself invariably repeating lines from time to time, as you may have guessed with the title. When it comes to the Bird 2013 Heirloom Tomato plant starters? Gunny has indeed, "moved them out.

You'll notice that this year's crop of heirloom tomatoes, sweet and hot peppers, five varieties of basil, three varieties of eggplant and numerous flower plant starters are covered by a thick plastic sheeting. This is for their protection. This is the all important "hardening off" time for the starters that Venus and I planted from seed last February. This also happens to be a new addition to the hardening off process.

Basil Plant Starters

One wrong move during this process can result in exactly 120 DEAD AS A DOOR NAIL plant starters. It's either DEAD or severely sunburned and shocked to the point where it will take weeks to recover, resulting in the loss of precious growth time that vegetable plants need to become healthy, large and, ultimately, productive.

I did my best job of hardening off tomato starters during the first year that I planted tomato varieties from seed. That was 2003. I started exactly two varieties that year -- both Livingston originals. I'm not exactly sure what I did right, but I grew 12 champion starter plants that spring. It was pretty darn close to nursery quality.

Paragon Starters: 2003

Call it beginner's luck I guess, because I've never been able to duplicate that success. Hardening off tomato and vegetable plant starters can be difficult for folks who work a full work week, which would include me and the wife that is Venus. The "hardening off" process involves moving plants into sunlight for a few hours each day, then moving them back under cover, away from the harmful UV rays that result in sunburn and shock.

The hardening off process, if done correctly, results in tomato and vegetable plant starters that are completely hardened off and resistant from UV rays in about a week's worth of time. Done incorrectly? A whole host of problems can develop. And I've managed to experience most of them as I majored in gardening errors.

Vegetable Plant Starters 

Bottom line? We simply don't have the time to move plants into sunlight and back under cover over the course of a five or six day period. If we're lucky? We get three days. On the fourth day when both of us return to work? It's a case of "you're on your own, fellas." I can't begin to tell you the disappointment that washes over me when I see the results of this rushed process pop up a day or two later and worsen over time. Leaves that were once lush, healthy and green turn a none-too-pleasant shade of brown and curl up and die. Starter plants wilt. New growth slows to a crawl.

Although the plants do eventually recover, time has been lost. Worse yet, some plants will recover and grow but not fruit much during the summer. Growing heirloom tomatoes, as I've come to find out, is really hit and miss. Some plants fruit up a storm, while others planted right next to them do very little. Or worse yet, produce fruit that is eventually lost to Blossom End Rot (BER) or other disease.

I'll admit, it's frustrating.

Some Good Advice?

But this year? This year represents a new hope in the hardening off process. It is the result of some very good advice from a retired rocket engineer turned heirloom tomato grower who lives in New York and posts on gardening forums under the name of "Hotwired." I tend to trust retired engineers like my father-in-law who passed away a few years ago. I've never forgiven him for doing that. I wasn't quite ready to let Gale go. I guess we never are when it comes to people who make a meaningful impact in our lives.

I was immediately drawn to the title of one of Hotwired's articles titled "Harding Off Tomato Plants for People Who Work Full Time." His suggestions took me into an area that I never would have dreamed of going. It was a simple fix, really. And since he practices this method with great success, why not give it a try?

Plastic Sheeting

His advice was aimed at growers who produce 50-500 plant starters, not the novice beginner who is growing out tomatoes for the very first time. His suggestion? Purchase rolls of plastic sheeting found in the paint departments of any big box or hardware store and cover the plants for at least five or six days. At first I was a bit dubious. There are many types and sizes of this sheeting. If you've ever painted your own house before (never again!), you go through miles of this stuff it seems.

Hotwired's advice was quite specific. The plastic sheeting, sold in thickness that ranges from 1 ml to 6 ml, would have to be at least 4 ml in thickness. His instructions promised that as long as the plants are covered with 4 ml plastic sheeting, it would result in starter plants that were completely hardened off within five or six days.

2013 Bird Vegetable Starters

Color me interested. A solution like this had never dawned upon me before. I shared this advice with other gardeners, who also found it unique, but also believed it just might work. Gardening is, after all, a gamble and leap into the unknown. Why not give it a try?

As you can tell by the numerous photos above, it was high time to move the starters outside anyway. They had grown quite large and lush during the month of March in a room that doubles as our home office. Plus, the weather has been just a tad strange this year. Our winter came to a rather abrupt end in January. It turned moderately warm in February, and other than a couple of spring rainstorms, it's been downright pleasant.

Wire Rack with Wheels: Genius!

Home Depot offered two types of 4 ml sheeting. One roll came in a size that was three feet long and 50 feet wide. The other, larger roll, offered enough 4 ml sheeting to cover our entire house. I went with the cheap option because, well, I'm cheap. After an investment of $12 bucks, I was at home taping sheets together with duct tape. You thought those were racing stripes? Hardly! It's called the cheap man's way to harden off vegetable plant starters. Three feet wouldn't be wide enough to completely cover our four-foot wide and six-feet high, tiered gardening rack. But two three foot sections taped together with duct tape offered the cheap dude's solution.

The first problem we faced, which I'd given some thought to, was the wind. I had believed that the rocks that I placed on the bottom rack of our tiered gardening rack would be enough. WRONG! A rainstorm blew in the next day and left the sheeting on the other side of the yard. Meanwhile? Our tomato starters were getting pelted with a spring rain. Back underneath the patio they went.

A Jumbled Mess!

By the way, there's nothing quite like getting out in the middle of a severe downpour right after you've woken up for the upcoming workday. It works better than a strong jolt of java. But, I digress.

Fortunately, I still hadn't cleaned up from last spring's addition of extra sidewalk space in the Bird Back 40. There were heavy chunks of concrete to be found. I would discover that putting heavy chunks of concrete on top of the gardening rack, as well as the bottom rung, would be solution to our "wind and rain" problem.

One might point out that I've constructed a "mini-greenhouse." Perhaps. But not quite. The sides to this plastic sheeting contraption are not banded together. There's plenty of air circulation that blows through. And although the flaps to this contraption will sometimes blow open, exposing the starters to the dangers of direct sunlight, they quickly close up again.

So far? There's been no telltale sign of sunburn. The plants are green. The plants are lush. They do require daily watering now (they tend to dry out rather quickly in full sunlight, covered or not). But I haven't lost one to sunburn. There's been no wilt or any other problems that come with not hardening off plants correctly.

The big test, of course, will come on Tuesday or Wednesday when the cover is removed and the starters are exposed to the direct rays of warm sunshine. And, yes, it's supposed to be quite warm, with temperatures approaching 90 degrees by the middle of next week.

Will this solution work? Only time will tell. But if it does, Clint Eastwood would approve.

That Man Smells Like Manure!

Does Someone Smell Cow?

Step back ladies -- and please try to control yourselves. The Don Juan of bovine meadow muffins is in the house -- and as the photo to the right will clearly attest -- the "defcon of reekness" level stands at four.

Thanks to a weekend of warm weather and bright sunshine in North Natomas -- I'm pleased to announce that the 2011 summer garden season is now "on." Oh sure -- it's mid April. I'm not forgetting the calendar. But when two straight wam weekend days fall into your lap - a gentleman "takes advantage."

Think about it for a minute. In a lot of ways? Gardening is like sex. "How so Bill Bird," you inquire? Let's look at the facts, shall we? A day of gardening leaves you hot -- sweaty -- dirty -- tired -- spent and in desperate need of an ice-cold beer.

What other activity leaves you feeling in such the same manner?

I rest my case.

"Work It" With a Wheelbarrow!

If you're seriously insane -- I mean -- serious about gardening -- you just can't "plant seed" and forget about it. Oh no -- there's a lot that comes before that magic moment. First and foremost? You need to prepare for it. You need to "work it" so to speak -- as in work the garden beds before planting.

There are six main 4X8 gardening beds in the main part of the Backyard of Bird. There -- you will find the now infamous "V for Venus" beds. I'll be honest. After a long and frustrating winter -- a lot of the beds were covered in weeds. Call it our winter of neglect.

Fortunately? These are raised beds filled with loose soil planter mix. No matter how big the weeds get? They're fairly easy to pull out -- roots and all. And if you don't get it every last part of each root? The Mantis Rototiller will take care of the rest.

The Mantis needed yet another tune-up before I got started this weekend. Despite my efforts to drain out the old gasoline from last season and replace it with something new -- it wouldn't fire up the way I wanted it. It would run for a minute or two and then die when I gave it the gas. Know what that means? It means another trip to Bill Knight and the Lawn and Mower Repair shop in Elverta.

Bill knows his two-cycle engines.

Mantis Rototiller in Action!

After a standard $25 tuneup? Ye olde Mantis was running like a top again -- ready to tear into those beds with abandon. Each bed received three bags of top quality manure -- and I say that in jest -- because when is the last time you ever heard anyone use the line "top quality manure?"

It's cow-poop folks. Plain and simple. It comes from the back end of -- well -- you know.

After a less than satisfactory experiment with other forms of compost last year -- I switched back to the simple one-buck-a-bag variety found at your local Home Depot. Why fiddle with something that works wonders? Some of my best summer vegetable gardens have resulted from the use of the cheapest form of steer manure compost -- so why fiddle with something that works?

Sure -- I've tried better forms of compost. I've tried the organic variety. I've shelled out $20 for a bag of the Fox Farm product. Guess what? In my short experience? The buck-a-bag Home Depot stuff just works better. And there's nothing like the feeling of ripping into a bag of smelly steer manure compost -- only to find that it's rich with earthworms. That's like hitting the garden jackpot.

Amended bed before rototilling

I managed to till up four different beds this weekend -- which is a record for productive output. The main 4X8 beds each received three bags of steer manure compost -- which also comes with an ample supply of potash (potassium). I also experimented some additional nutrients for the beds in the form of organic bone meal -- which is high in phosphorus. If you're as insane as I am about heirloom tomatoes -- you'll find that they need equal amounts of three nutrients to do well: Nitrogen, potassium and phosphorus.

If your garden is lacking in any one of the three? It can affect production. You can also work in far too much of a good thing -- which I discovered last year when I experimented with chicken manure compost. However -- I am returning to a nutrient recipe that has served me well in the past. My "method of gardening madness" is to till up each bed with the Mantis -- add manure, bone meal and other pelleted nutrients -- and use the Mantis a second time to mix it in with the existing soil.

After splashing each bed with a fine spray of water (this keeps the wind from blowing half the soil away -- which is a real problem in the windy riverbottom) -- the end result is a dark -- rich soil that is ready for planting. And so -- this is when the magic moment comes. It's time to plant.

Amended "V for Venus" planter bed

I'll be honest with you -- I jumped the gun a tad. The heirloom tomato starters that I have been babying in a back room through most of the winter months are now in their permanent location. Yes -- I'm taking a gamble here. Yes -- there's still the chance for another cold storm or two. Yes -- most serious growers wait until the END of April before they dare plant anything.

In my case -- however -- it was time. The long and lanky heirloom starters were seriously rootbound. Worse yet? A normal spring day of warm weather was enough to dry them out completely. My only options were to transplant the starters into larger containers -- or plant out now. I chose the latter. It's a gamble -- yes it is. But the long range forecasts look promising.

Tomato plants can withstand a warm spring deluge. In fact -- I've found that they tend to enjoy it. I've seen plants knocked flat by warm spring downpours -- only to watch them spring back stronger than ever a few days later with nary a trace of disease. Warm spring rain doesn't bother me. A cold snap followed by cold rain and more cold weather? That's different. It should cause concern.



Raggedy heirloom tomato plant starters



If we're lucky? The wife that is Venus and I will be enjoying vine ripened tomatoes by the end of May or in early June. This is providing the weather cooperates. After experiencing a colder-than-normal summer last season -- I know that the weather rarely cooperates in these cases.

But -- every once in a great while -- a squirrel finds a nut. The heriloom tomatoes are in. The wife and I smell like we've been rolling around in meadow muffins all weekend long. There is no turning back now.

As for me? I need a beer -- and a shower.

Merry Christmas to ME!!! Merry Christmas to ME!!!

The Bird Casa

Everyone knows that the best Christmas gifts in the whole wide world are those that you buy for yourself.

That's a Bill Bird rule. I just made it up. Live with it.

I always overdo it at Christmas. That's especially true when it comes to the Christmas light display outside. Like Clark Griswold -- my feeling is -- you can never have too many lights. It may take the better part of a Sunday afternoon to set it up and string out miles of extension cords -- but it's a house that Santa Claus cannot possibly ignore come Christmas Eve.

This is also the time of year to look for specific gardening "deals." I've already explained my love for all things citrus in a previous post. Although I've got two Improved Meyer Lemons and a Bearss Lime growing in the Bird Back 40 -- I'm always looking to expand upon my citrus plantings.

When it comes to citrus -- there are deals to be had in the month of December -- if you know where and when to find them.

Dancy Tangerine Tree

I figured this out -- quite by accident - three years ago. That's when I stumbled upon this gorgeous Dancy Tangerine sitting in a neglected aisle of a very wet -- and very empty I might add -- Home Depot garden section. It stood four feet high and was loaded with bright orange tangerines.

The price? $20. I couldn't buy it fast enough. Sure enough -- as I swooped in on what would be the citrus deal of that year -- so did about three other shoppers who attempted to beat me to the punch.

They weren't fast enough on that night three years ago.

Today -- that Dancy Tangerine is planted in one of my wide side yards. It's now about eight feet tall and is once again loaded with about 40-50 bright orange tangerines. They are ripening a tad quicker this year than last -- which means three or four just might be ready for harvest on Christmas Day.

Dancy Tangerines

A Mimosa for the wonderful wife that is Venus on Christmas morning? I think so! And -- perhaps her husband as well.

My point is -- this tree was a steal of a deal. I don't often shop for fruit or citrus trees at Big Box stores like Home Depot or Lowes. Not that I'm a snob or anything like that -- but you tend to get better quality fruit and citrus trees at nurseries like Don Shor's Redwood Barn or even Capital Nursery.

Are they more expensive? Of course! Better quality trees cost a few extra bucks. But they tend to be better quality fruit and citrus trees -- and don't come with the myriad of problems that the "$14.99 Big Box Deal" can bring. Trust me -- I've lost a few of those trees to disease. I've learned my lesson. From now on -- it's nursery stock and nursery stock only.

The one exception to this rule? Citrus. If you know what you're looking for -- you can get a STEAL OF A DEAL. But this is only true if you know where to shop -- what to look for -- and when to buy.

Improved Meyer Lemon

Case in point: the month of December.

I know -- from experience -- that for some odd reason -- the North Natomas Home Depot ALWAYS gets a shipment of citrus trees in from Four Winds Growers -- the premiere supplier of citrus trees to Northern California. But -- much of that stock that you find at your local Big Box store isn't worth a second look.

In other words -- it just isn't worth it. Many of them are dwarf varieties. Nothing against dwarf fruit or citrus trees mind you -- but I've come to discover that small trees = small harvests. If you do happen to find a full-size tree -- it's often priced to the point where it's better to shop for your desires at a local nursery.

Owari Satsuma Mandarin

But if you arrive at just the right time -- right after the truck has been unloaded -- you're going to find a little gem like this one to your right. That -- Ladies and Germs -- is a citrus tree that I've been trying to get into my backyard for the past two years. It's an Owari Satsuma Mandarin -- the absolute best tasting mandarin you can find anywhere on the planet. But -- I'm not alone in this opinion.

Farmer Fred Hoffman -- of KFBK Garden Show fame on NewsTalk 1530 KFBK and Get Growing on Talk 650 KSTE -- has proclaimed the Owari Satsuma as one of his personal favorites. I've been looking for the right kind of tree for a very long time now. But everything I've found just wasn't what I was looking for -- or it presented too much of a hit on ye olde wallet.

Wet North Natomas Home Depot

Until now. I spotted it yesterday during a heavy downpour in the very back of the North Natomas Home Depot. It had just been delivered the previous day. It just stood out from the rest. It was a thing of beauty. And it's now in my backyard. As I wheeled it inside (dripping wet I might add) -- many a customer asked where I'd found it. Sure enough -- despite the heavy rain falling outside -- many of them beat a path to where I had just been.

Of course -- I failed to tell them that this was the best looking tree of the lot by a MILE.

It is six feet tall. It has been meticulously pruned and cared for. This will eventually grow into a full size mandarin citrus tree that can grow to a height of 20 feet or more and will yield hundreds of tasty Satsuma Mandarins once it reaches full maturity.

Purchased at a local nursery -- a tree like this would run anywhere from $100-$125.

I didn't even come close to paying half that amount.

I feel like a kid on Christmas morning.

Merry Freaking Christmas to ME! 

One Garden Project Leads Too....

Ronald Reagan

Former President Ronald Reagan once remarked that; "Regulations are like spores of a fungus -- they settle anywhere and everywhere and create more spores..."

Now -- despite how you may feel personally about the 40th President of the United States and the 33rd Governor of California (he does tend to elicit the best and worst out of people) -- he could have just as easily been talking about gardening.

Replace the term "regulations" with "gardening projects" and you have a statement that is probably more truthful than Reagan's original quote.

How do I know this? From experience of course!

New Artichoke Bed?

Case in point? The gardening "bed" located to your immediate left. This "bed" is the latest edition to our backyard garden. Constructed from CHEAP Home Depot brand Redwood fenceboard (did I say CHEAP?) -- Venus and I filled this bed with planter mix from Hasties Capitol Sand and Gravel just this past spring (I think the planter mix may have cost more than the box).

What was the new box for? I'm glad you asked. I had intended to move some artichoke plants from the overcrowded artichoke bed to your right -- over into the new box. But there was just one -- small problem.

Overcrowded Artichoke Bed

You really shouldn't attempt to transplant artichoke plants in the spring. I've learned that failure of a project through experience. Nope -- your best bet is to "divide and conquer" in the fall -- after the main artichoke plants have succumbed to the harsh Sacramento Valley summertime heat -- and the root systems are sending up replacements by the dozens.

So -- what to do with the new box then? Venus and I let "the kid" -- nephew Marquitos Stromberg -- plant the new box with a variety of spring seeds ranging from carrots to parsnips and anything and everything in between. Not just any carrots either. Normal carrots are boring. The boy was into those funky carrots called "Atomic Red" and those fancy yellow types named "Solar" or "Sunshine."

The nephew did a better job than I expected. Because when it came time to pull up the nephew's seed starting project -- well -- the wife that is Venus and I encountered one small problem.

Sunshine Yellow Carrots

Call it a monster sized carrot and turnip harvest. When I say monster -- I mean MONSTER. I've never grown carrots THIS LARGE -- nor in this LARGE A NUMBER.

"What am I going to do with this pile of produce now," I wondered. Remember! The original project was to transplant artichokes. Suddenly -- an unforseen gardening project leapt onto Bill Bird's radar screen. Life had given me carrots -- a fair amount of parsnips and some fat turnips hidden in the back.

Lastly -- as I grabbed a whithering basil plant that had clearly reached the end of its season -- a friendly reminder buzzed by my ear. It was a bee. But not just any old bee. It was one of MY BEES -- a bee from the Hello Kitty Hive. And -- as I stared intently as the basil flowers protruding from three fading basil plants -- I spotted another -- and yet another -- and yet one more.

Surprise! You've Got Parsnips!

I suddenly realized that I was about to pull out an important pollen source that bees from my backyard hive were utilizing at the moment. It's the Fall Season folks. Pollen sources are drying up fast. Bees are flying longer distances and in greater numbers in the quest to store up pollen and honey in time for the winter season.

I just couldn't pull those basil plants out -- not now anyway. So -- they stayed -- which created yet ANOTHER garden project for the day.

See what I'm getting at?

The job of transplanting artichokes from one bed to another is actually quite simple. It's almost impossible to kill an artichoke plant. I know because I've tried. They didn't like that one encounter with the lawnmower (a mistake) -- nor did they appreciate a spray-bath of Roundup (another mistake).

Divide and Conquer!

Oh -- sure -- they'll look unhappy at first. But they always seem to bounce back. The scientist who predicted that only cockroaches would survive a nuclear holocaust obviously never had an artichoke plant in the backyard. These things are rather indestructable.

Another tidbit that I've discovered through the years is that artichokes LOVE room. The more you give them -- the bigger they will get -- which leads to larger and more tastier harvests. Many people have asked me how much room an artichoke plant needs and my response has always been; "how much room do you have?" Because an artichoke will fill up that space rather quickly and rampage into other areas where you may not want them.

Clean Bed Ready for Winter!

The best way to remove an artichoke is to remove a portion of the root system that the plant protruding above the ground is attached too. This is easier said than done -- and can require a bit of tugging and maybe a stick of dynamite or two before you hear that satisfying CRACK!

From that point -- you simply move that chunk of root system and plant over to the new bed -- dig an appropriate-sized hole and plant. Make sure the root system is buried under an inch or two of soil -- with the plant still above ground.

How will you know if you've taken the right steps? Trust me -- the plant will let you know. For -- if you return the next morning and find your transplants DEAD and FLATTENED just like this -- you've done the right job.

Unhappy Artichoke Transplants

Seriously! Those plants that had been so full of life and vigor the previous day will droop to the ground and fall over flat. They'll give you that accusing "Why Did You Move Me" look -- and will let you know they were much happier where they had been before.

Don't despair kids! It only looks like you've killed it. In time? New sprouts will begin to emerge from the center of the plant. By this December? I'll have artichoke plants loving our cool Sacramento winter weather. And by next spring? Hopefully -- a record artichoke harvest from not just one bed -- but two.

Two is twice as nice!

Fine Gin Grown Here!

The fall vegetable crop is now planted and coming up nicely!

Well -- most of it is planted anyway. The wonderful wife that is Venus still has a few more rows left to go in one of the raised beds -- but by this weekend? We're hoping to put the finishing touches on a gorgeous fall crop of nothing but nutritous and wonderful things for the body.

Yes -- that includes the finest gin available in a plastic bottle! And if you don't think you can't grow fine gin in a plastic bottle next to Baby Bok Choy or red-leaf lettuce -- well -- you haven't witnessed the wife's wonderful green finger.

Everything the woman plants from seed? It grows. It not only grows -- it grows EXTREMELY WELL. So -- although the "gardening experts" might tell you that you can't grow the finest gin that comes in a plastic bottle from seed -- well -- it doesn't hurt to try -- does it?

We'll let you know what happens around Christmas. If you find that Bill & Venus Bird are involved in a very MERRY holiday -- you'll know that our little experiment worked just fine.

What grows well in the Sacramento Valley during the fall and winter months? Pick a crop! That's the wonderful thing about our area. As summer slowly transitions into fall -- it brings a wealth of "growth" opportunities.

As for the wife? She likes to plant from seed. She won't turn her nose up at some starter plants -- and we do like to support our local nurseries -- so you'll always find us with starter plants of broccoli, chard or one of many wonderful lettuce selections (lettuce tends to extremely well in our North Natomas Back 40).

But for most selections? Venus starts -- and ends -- with a packet of seeds either purchased locally or from one of many seed providers scattered about the country. We happen to be partial to an operation called Pinetree Garden Seeds. They're not local. Not hardly. They happen to be located in a small section of New Gloucester, Maine.

But we keep going back to them for a simple reason: Everything that we buy from them -- works. They've never let us down. I've never opened one bad package of seed provided by Pinetree Garden Seeds -- and that's the honest truth. Plus -- they're cheap -- which doesn't hurt.

Still -- if you're undecided as to what you'd like to plant in your backyard for the coming fall season -- you can't go wrong with the handy-dandy Farmer Fred Hoffman Planting Guide. Plus -- he also blogged about his favorite fall selections not all that long ago.

But he didn't have fine gin that comes in a plastic bottle on his list -- remember that much.

The first step we always take in planting our fall garden is recharging the raised beds that held part of our summer garden. The second step? Chasing "that damn dog" away from the raised beds that have just been recently amended. Bandi seems to have this belief that she was a Mantis Tiller in a former life. Solving that little "digging problem" has been problematic to say the least -- although I've found a gadget called The Scarecrow to be quite effective (it shoots a stream of water at anything that crosses its path).

If only I had ten of them...

We are recharging the beds with some different materials this fall. Venus and I recently switched to a new form of compost called "Paydirt" that we purchased from Capital Nursery in Sacramento. This is a little more expensive than the cheaper forms of Steer Manure Compost that we had been purchasing from Home Depot -- but we decided to make the switch for a number of reasons:

1. This is a better form of compost for our raised beds. We use these beds a lot. Treat them with good form of compost and they will treat you well in the form of vegetable crop production.

2. Paydirt Compost is an organic form of compost. We're not 100% organic mind you -- and may never get there -- but we try!

3. The illegal pot growers already snapped up the really good Fox Farm Compost!

Illegal Pot Grower: "We did not! I mean -- we're not growing anything!"

Me: "Then why is your name Illegal Pot Grower?"

Illegal Pot Grower: "DOH!"

The results -- so far -- have been better than we ever could have hoped. Every single one of Venus' seed rows has sprung to life -- and the starter plants that we purchased are also doing remarkably well.

Broccoli and Swiss Chard starter plants

We're not done -- of course -- not by a longshot. Venus and I will begin the process of planting seed garlic and onion starts next month -- and there's always another row to plant or another experimental vegetable to try. Who knows? We may put the test bed to work this fall instead of reserving it for "summertime use only."

I know I can count on one thing: The seeds that Venus planted earlier this month will result in a nice salad serving for ten-to-15 guests for our annual family Thanksgiving celebration. The Baby Bok Choy serves as a wonderful green to brighten those warm soups in the dead cold of winter. And there's nothing like fresh swiss chard and spinach in a turkey taco salad dinner.

We're not writing the summer garden off quite yet either. As long as we have heat -- we'll get tomatoes. There's still another watermelon to harvest -- the bell peppers aren't quite done yet -- and we might be able to squeeze another jar or two of pickles from the cucumber plantings.

But as for fall? The greens are jumping!